Confession Day

One-step-at-a-time

Sunnysam72 wrote: »

Thanks, I tell myself off a lot lol. Though I've realised I need to keep as positive as possible or I'll run and hide again if I let the guilt and shame bog me down. I feel like I'm coming out of a fog, if that makes sense.

That makes perfect sense, I've gone through the exact same thought process. I say that I was living with a bad case of brain fog for far too long!

Sunnysam72 wrote: »

He's not below the personal threshold, but Rae just asking for 2016/17 ATM. A quick estimation is that he'd pay tax on approx £1000 after expenses have been deducted.

Oh, that's good - I had assumed 5k was profit after expenses! I have found them far better to deal with on the phone than I expected, very friendly and reassuring for the most part (even if the standard wording used in the letters is designed to put the wind up you). I hope that your OH's attitude softens a bit, especially as you're being so nice about helping him out!

Sunnysam72

So a quick update - Friday 13th has bitten me today - I trapped my finger in the the car door on my rounds - my gosh it HURT!!! Consequently I had to return home as driving became tricky, and I couldn't carry anything. It's feeling a bit better now but I've lost income today as a result. Extra hours to be put in next week then.

DH has been busy sorting through paperwork ready for ME to do his 10 YEAR TAX RETURN!!!!! I made him ring tax office on Monday as after I read his letter from them it didn't actually specify a date - that's come from the management agency. So I think they'll be looking at their accounts too. Tax office have clarified they want accounts from when he started renting 10 years ago. I used the link they sent him and it turned out he needs to register for SA before he can complete the form. I thought he was going to cry after the phone call. Did I shout? Did I judge? Did I say 'I told you to sort it out at the beginning' (which I did warn him about incidentally) NOOOOOO I DIDN'T (I wanted to though) !!!!! I gave him a hug, said, 'we will fix this, it'll be ok. Here's what we've got to........'. I've even offered to help PAY for the bill out of our joint account (we have a small EF in there). He has been told he WILL be fined. NOT ONCE has he even mentioned my situation. No hugs, no reassurances, I'm so pigged off. I feel a bit abandoned by him. It's become all about him now. My mum is disgusted by his attitude and actions (or lack of helpful ones). I know I'm doing the right thing helping him, but it's creating tons more stress for me now. Today I've spent the day mostly crying. Partly because my finger hurts so much, and partly because I'm feeling angry with myself for not saying the same to him as what he said to me when I 'fessed up last week. I don't feel any satisfaction in being understanding towards him, I just feel like a mug, a doormat. I feel really resentful I'm ashamed to say.

I've definitely decided on DMP and I'm just sorting out a few queries to do with income and bank accounts. He doesn't know my plan yet, or what I've decided to do/how I'm going to tackle it, but tbh I don't think he even cares. I'm afraid to tell him anything else but I'll have to since I'll not be able to get a remortgage in 4 years time when our current deal runs out. Also, we will need to close our joint account so he'll have to know about that. I'm looking at being debt free in 10years now, including mortgage free. At the latest. It's a good feeling to see an end in sight. I'm rather scared of the token payments and defaulting bit, debt collection agencies and bailiffs. Do people on DMP have many problems with them?

I've been seeing posts about debts that can't be enforced - I'm not sure if this applies to any of mine, so I'll have to do some more research on the matter.

Enjoy your weekend everyone, I'm off to look after my mum who has broken her knee. It never rains, it just pours!

Sam x

enthusiasticsaver

I don't think you will have a problem with bailiffs etc. That comes after CCJs and I don't think any of your creditors will take you to court if you do the following.

Keep them informed of the situation re income and expenses
Keep to DMP payment or advise if you cannot make it due to change in finances
Write to creditors yourself asking them to correspond only in writing.

Sunnysam72

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

I don't think you will have a problem with bailiffs etc. That comes after CCJs and I don't think any of your creditors will take you to court if you do the following.

Keep them informed of the situation re income and expenses
Keep to DMP payment or advise if you cannot make it due to change in finances
Write to creditors yourself asking them to correspond only in writing.

Great advice, thank you. I will include that in my plan, but I still get a bit panicky about the 'what ifs' so I'm trying to make my approach water tight before I take the plunge. I want to feel totally informed so I'm doing thorough research.

Sunnysam72

Oh and my best spend today was 4 14" pizzas for £1.20 each on the special offer price! Chicken fajita and pepperoni from the pizza bit of local supermarket (as@@ - we are not allowed to name shops are we?) I love takeaways, and this is an area I can save on, so this is a perfect swap as I've got 2 days worth of takeway for 2 people for £4.80! 60p for half a large pizza! I'm well chuffed with that.

Sunnysam72

Hello diary, sorry it's been so busy lately!

Some good progress being made towards being debt free - I'm now doing extra hours at my teaching job, handy for extra funds. We are well on the way with getting the tax thing sorted. (Basically I'm doing a lot of it for him). We had a major convo about my debts again. I've now pointed out the difference in our approaches to supporting each other - but I'm still ok with sorting mine out myself - I DO NOT NEED A MAN TO DO IT FOR ME - I just wanted to share the emotional load, and not feel like I was keeping secrets. Even though he has rightly said we don't nosey into each other's finances, which we don't. He says he feels deceived - but we don't nosey into each other's finances. Plus, whilst I have a lot of debt, I'm still bl00dy paying it off as we speak. I'm approaching crisis point, but not quite there yet. So tbf to me I have actually told him before it's become a major problem. He is well stressed about his tax - I use, 'we, us' etc, and I'm doing everything I can to help him, including asking him difficult questions he might get asked in an interview, which he has to know tbe answers to.

I have my DMP ready to start, but I want to see what happens with the tax thing first. He's said (in temper) he's going to pay it, but I've said it's a joint responsibility and we will sort it out together. Which it is really. I'm waiting to see what impact it'll have on my budget.

I'm able to manage to pay my bills for a bit longer yet, but there's no fun in life as every penny is accounted for currently. Once some 0% rates run out that's when the fan turns brown!

When I did my debt remedy via sc, it reckoned 6 years until it's all paid off, which is better than the forever it feels like at the minute.

One of my personal loans ends in 11 months - I'm wondering if I could do it without a DMP? It's the interest that's killing me really though.

Ah well, I'm shattered from the extra hours. It's all work and no play, but it's not forever. I'm focusing on the chink of light I can see at the end of my tunnel!

Night all x

Sunnysam72

Last teaching day tomorrow. It's been such a hard week, as I've been doing job 2 with 8 yo DS in tow for 2-3 hours in the evenings. Hubby on night shift so I've no choice really. Good for DS though - I hope it develops a work ethic and appreciation for how to get money other than credit. Wish I'd practised what I bloomin' preach!

Treated him to chippy tea tonight, I had a kids meal too, (only £2.45) and I've now not used my debit card in almost a week. Moving to cash only. All cc cut up ages ago - though maxed out so unable to use anyway. Selling stuff on eBay this weekend to build a PayPal balance to buy Xmas presents. Have got boxes of stuff ready for a local car boot to do - DS has cleared his drawers and is desperate to sell some stuff to earn himself some cash, so I suppose I'm getting him into good MSE ways of thinking and behaving if nothing else!

Sam x

System

Hi Sunny.
Just wanted to wave hello and wish you luck.
From a DMP perspective, once you start the ball rolling, your credit score is affected anyway, so in some senses you might as well default on them all as paying 1 off still not not affect this. However if you feel better approaching things this way than do what works for you.
It sounds like you need to self manage so you can pick and choose who you direct payments to.
The main thing early on is to get your budget right so you can live and not get into more debt so you do need to leave yourself wiggle room.

In a few years we will want to get a mortgage, and I'm trying to figure out if it's worth paying one of my debts off in full to show I'm now back in control and whether this will have a positive impact on mortgage application. It's not clear if (although I need to do more research) this will make any difference to us getting a better interest rate. My financial situation has now improved so currently I am saving up with a view to either paying the debt down, or having a bigger deposit/loan to value rate.

Good luck and keep posting. Xxx

enthusiasticsaver

I agree that having settled on the DMP you should now default as the quicker you do that the quicker they will fall off your record. You will have no access to credit so the money you were putting towards paying debt should be saved in an emergency fund. I would give income as your base income with no extras. In a year or two if you have saved up enough you can start offering full and finals which will help the debt drop down quicker.

As your DH says you both have separate finances so I think ignoring his tax problem is fine. You can be supportive or sympathetic without actually owning his problem which is more than he is doing for you. You do need to close down the joint account though.

I do not think you will necessarily have a problem in remortgaging. If you stick with the best deal your current lender offers I am not sure if they even credit search so they may not be aware of defaults or DMP.

LexieLou

Hi,

Just read your diary...you are one very loving wife....thats all I'll say

Im with you on your journey

xx