How to manage imbalance in husband/wife pension?

Debra0001

The idea that if we both earn the same and both have equal assets (his pension/my house) then splits all bills etc equally is fair rather than insecure. He can spend his extra money and also me on what we want.

Has worked well but needs changing now.

Just sensible financial planning rather than blind trust and reliance on another.

Most couples have separate bank accounts now.

I think I'll talk about me paying a percentage of joint bills more in keeping with the income disparity. Also rent a room. Then when he retires we can rent elsewhere and split rent (whilst I get my house rental). We would like to live abroad if possible for a year or two so hopefully that will help to.

Love to see a survey on here on how people split bills. So varied!

Thanks guys

Debra0001

He doesn't NEED me for a roof and I certainly don't NEED him for DIY and nights out! I've liked equality as a modern woman. I want to carry on with that.

If these income changes means I need to allow him to contribute more and realise that I have provided in the past with more investment in the house then I think I should accept this as still pulling my weight.

As I said previously I'm checking with others for a FAIR option to discuss. That means we both feel supported and supporting in a way that doesn't unnessarily burden the other

thorsoak

Debra - if you are having to retire on ill-health grounds, have you looked to find out whether you are entitled to any ill-health benefits? If you have been paying NI at the full rate for your working life, you may well be entitled to benefits.

Check on the benefits board.

gettingtheresometime

I find this sort of thread really sad; OP you may be a modern woman but surely the idea that marriage is a partnership in the good times & bad isn't such a twee idea is it?

What are you going to do if he refuses to contribute more than 50% of the bills?

Debra0001

Hi All

I'm looking for ideas please rather than criticism or untrained, uninformed personal analysis on my marriage or mental health.

Please can we stay on topic

Thank you

Debra0001

Thanks that's useful advice cheers

Debra0001

He won't it me who wants to ensure what I ask is fair

Tabbytabitha

Debra0001 wrote: »

The idea that if we both earn the same and both have equal assets (his pension/my house) then splits all bills etc equally is fair rather than insecure. He can spend his extra money and also me on what we want.

Has worked well but needs changing now.

Just sensible financial planning rather than blind trust and reliance on another.

Most couples have separate bank accounts now.

I think I'll talk about me paying a percentage of joint bills more in keeping with the income disparity. Also rent a room. Then when he retires we can rent elsewhere and split rent (whilst I get my house rental). We would like to live abroad if possible for a year or two so hopefully that will help to.

Love to see a survey on here on how people split bills. So varied!

Thanks guys

Married couples are supposed to trust and rely on each other, that's the main point of marriage.

PeacefulWaters

Personal Independence Payments may provide an income that defers need to access pensions, allowing for increased pension payments in future.

Get yourself assessed for this and other benefits prior to touching any pension.

FBaby

I totally understand your set-up, very similar to mine for the same reasons, but I don't get what you are expecting as advice because it's coming up that you want the original arrangement to remain in relation to the house, but not his pension. Is that correct?

I don't think you can keep hold on what is yours but expect him to share what is his. Whether you retire early or not, it sounds like you were always going to have a much smaller pension, so what did you discuss until now? Are you going to get a lump sum when you do retire, or will he be supporting you on his salary until he retires himself? How does he feel about you retiring? Do you have to retire fully or could you take on another job for a few hours?

It's impossible to say what is fair because it depends on too many factors. What it comes down to is: what would you want, and what does he want?