**updated post 34** - Am I being too "doom and gloom" - autistic child

onlyroz

If you have the time to spare, and a house that is being worked on by builders, perhaps you could offer to stay near the mum's house for the duration, taking your grandchild out each day. It does sound like the poor mum needs a break and this is your son's cack-handed way of giving her one. Perhaps you can gently suggest that you'd love to spend more time with your grandchild but maybe there is a better way this can be achieved?

Cheeky_Monkey

This does sound like a disaster waiting to happen

The poor little lad will be totally disorientated and no doubt distressed by it all.

I completely understand that his mum is in desperate need of a break, but this is not the right way to do it.

I don't mean to alarm you and it may sound a bit OTT, but I think you will all need to watch him like a hawk because I think there's a real danger that he may get so distressed, he might attempt to leave your house to get back to his mum who is, afterall, the only constant in his life. Better to be safe than sorry!

WeAreGhosts

I'm a 'worst case scenario' sort of person, and couldn't help thinking when reading this that are you sure mum will take him back home? If there's been no explanation as to why the sudden visit, could it be that mum isn't coping and wants dad to look after him?

Pollycat

Mojisola wrote: »

I think this is a shocking thing to do to a child with these problems!

He is going to be so distressed and unable to understand what's happening and can't speak to say how upset he is.

It's absolute madness.
And so unfair on the child.

Pollycat

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Sounds to me (and yes, I did read your previous post) that the mum has reached the end of her tether especially since she is educating her son at home.

I think what you do depends on whether your son is working whilst your grandson visits. If he isn't working then perhaps it may be best to support him as much as possible. At the very least this will give you time to 'bond with your grandchild' and his father will be around to give some stability.

If your son is going to be working then this may be a different scenario and I think you have every 'right' to refuse.

It is such a difficult one.

I am wondering if there is a middle way. Your idea to pay for a hotel for your grandson's mum to stay in near your home may be the answer. Have you offered this? They could then travel down together and hopefully prevent some of the problems that concern you. She would be on hand to reassure your grandson but also get some time to herself.

Can you have a 'chat' with her and ask for some suggestions as to what toys/familiar things you could buy/replicate to make your grandson feel at home?

Alternatively, you could all go and stay in a hotel near your grandson's home and visit daily - perhaps with dad staying in the home?

If the child 'barely knows his dad', I'd question how much stability he'll bring.

HurdyGurdy wrote: »

The child has never been away from his mother, and has never been on a train. He barely knows his dad, and doesn’t know us at all. He will have none of his familiar things around him due to not being able to carry much on the train. My son lives with us.

pmlindyloo

Pollycat wrote: »

If the child 'barely knows his dad', I'd question how much stability he'll bring.

I know things might have changed since the OP's psot but I was basing it on something she said

Something I forgot to say yesterday when I posted - When I spoke to "Ann" yesterday on the phone, she was saying how lovely the bond between Johnny and my son is. I was really (very pleasantly) surprised to hear this, as obviously they don't spend much time together and it could have been that they had to learn to "know" each other all over again. Ann said that Johnny "is all over his dad and won't leave him alone". I am so pleased for all of them to hear this

Red-Squirrel_2

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I know things might have changed since the OP's psot but I was basing it on something she said

Something I forgot to say yesterday when I posted - When I spoke to "Ann" yesterday on the phone, she was saying how lovely the bond between Johnny and my son is. I was really (very pleasantly) surprised to hear this, as obviously they don't spend much time together and it could have been that they had to learn to "know" each other all over again. Ann said that Johnny "is all over his dad and won't leave him alone". I am so pleased for all of them to hear this

Confused by this post. Is the second paragraph a quote from another thread by the OP?

pmlindyloo

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Confused by this post. Is the second paragraph a quote from another thread by the OP?

Sorry, yes it is.

Pollycat

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I know things might have changed since the OP's psot but I was basing it on something she said

Something I forgot to say yesterday when I posted - When I spoke to "Ann" yesterday on the phone, she was saying how lovely the bond between Johnny and my son is. I was really (very pleasantly) surprised to hear this, as obviously they don't spend much time together and it could have been that they had to learn to "know" each other all over again. Ann said that Johnny "is all over his dad and won't leave him alone". I am so pleased for all of them to hear this

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Confused by this post. Is the second paragraph a quote from another thread by the OP?

I was confused too.

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Sorry, yes it is.

Then I think what the OP posted about the relationship between her son and grandson i.e. the child 'barely knows his dad' is quite misleading given the thread subject and the fact that she posted that at 10:00am yesterday.

Mojisola

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Confused by this post. Is the second paragraph a quote from another thread by the OP?

The second paragraph is from two years ago.