Awful situation currently

YoungBlueEyes

No I didn't make a formal complaint, other events kind of overtook it tbh.

I talked about it with a few friends, they all were surprised and said it was unusual. The guy has been in the job for years and is very good, no-one else had a bad word to say about him.

Then within the next couple of days I was trying to find a medical school that would accept him (dad's first choice was full), and certain family members started making noises about contesting the will and wanting the house. An ignorant paramedic just didn't even crack my top ten!

Resus is brutal and I think more people need to realise it, perhaps stories like mine will help. Had they managed to save dad he would have been an absolute mess, and dad would have been so angry that they did it. It really isn't like films, where they gasp and open their eyes and rub their chest and walk away. Resus as standard needs rethinking, imo.

Flugelhorn

YoungBlueEyes wrote: »

It really isn't like films, where they gasp and open their eyes and rub their chest and walk away. .

No it isn't - but then lots of TV medical stuff isn't anything like real life. I think lots of medics wouldn't want to be resuscitated as they know that there is little chance of success and also risk of problems if you do happen to be successful.
I have no problem with people not wanting to be resuscitated but people who are not aware of what it is like (or the low success rate) get very upset if it is mentioned, thinking that somehow it means that nothing is being done for them or their relative.
I have to keep saying to people that a decision not to resuscitate is not a decision not to treat, it is literally one type of treatment limited to a very key set of circumstances

TBagpuss

The best thing for them is likely to be to grant powers of attorney. They could do so to give your OH (or their solicitor, or your OH ad their solicitor) the power to make decisions for them if they are unable to do so.

This would not stop them making their own decisions while they can, but would mean that your OH could support them in resisting Son.

Your OH can also speak to their GP and to any hospital etc and raise concerns about Son's behaviour , and about potential abuse/ coercion.

however, probably the best first step would be for your OH to encourage his grandparents to see their solicitor (most private client solicitors will make house calls if your GPs would find going to the office too tiring). Your OH can let the solicitor know about the concerns you and he hve and the solicitor will be able t o advise your Grandparents what their options are.

In many cases, the best people to act as attorneys are close relatives who know the person and their wishes well, but in a case like this, your OHs grandparents might want to consider whether having a solicitor as attorney might be in their interests, as it avoids a situation where you/your partner would be potentially put in conflict with his uncle.

tranmereforever

Hi all,

Sorry for the lack of updates on this, all got very messy/ frustrating with Social services saying that there was not a lot they could do at this stage ( situation got worse ) and police equally non effective

Anyway to the position now, my OH grandfather has passed away and the uncle - their son has moved in with the grandmother pretty much permanently, him and his wife are banning anyone from speaking with the Grandma without them being present- including regulars who comes in etc and she said during the week she needs to seek permission who she sees from him

She is suffering from dementia - or displaying the symptoms of it - they have admitted this publicly on social media - and the wife of the son is now in charge of writing her cheques etc - found out today

The issue is when we go around they both shout abuse at my OH and my two young children which makes that unpleasant and we are now every trip receiving letters - typed by the wife to "help" - slating my wife's mum who died and saying that she made the son an alcoholic when he was 14 and was only interested in the inheritance and was going to be written out the will - all nonsense and completley against the countless videos/ letters we have when they were both well- the Grandma said to us today that the son had "opened her eyes to it"

My wife also received a letter from "her grandma" ( but we suspect the wife ) saying we need to stop telling people she has dementia etc - which we never have - they have publicly but like above are trying to influence her

The worry currently is the house has been put on the market - £1m + with the aim of moving her to where they live and them live together - I have two questions on this

- If the house is purchased in their names will it still be part of the estate if the grandmother dies within 7 years?
- Our bigger concern- if it is in their names and they die before her- they are both in ill health- what would happen to the house/ her, would it go to the family of his wife in which case she would be homeless

Its a horrible situation and the odd thing is no one would object to the actual move if they were not being abusive- trying to influence the grandmother against her- but I cannot say hand on heart they would be safe moving their

We are seeing a solicitor as much as anything to try and stop the abuse and the hope the £1m from the house does not "disappear" but was wondering if someone could let me know the situation re the house for now

SevenOfNine

Flugelhorn wrote: »

one of the reasons that can be indicated on a DNAR form is that it is "unlikely to be successful" ie the patient is likely to be approaching a natural death, at which no amount of CPR / defib / drugs will make a difference.
Really only good chance of success when the person is younger, the incident is sudden and the heart / lungs are relatively healthy.

I believe I can testify to that. No DNR in place, though death had clearly occurred approximately 10 minutes earlier, told most apologetically by the nurses who attended that without it attempts must be made.

TBH I believe wholeheartedly that they definitely (& correctly) did not actually try, when the paramedics arrived with the defib, they did not try either. Though not in the room actually witnessing what they did/did not do, during those minutes there was not a single sound coming from the room - nothing but quiet silence.

Absolutely the correct decision, as described by flugelhorn.

I think this thread has travelled completely off topic! Sorry OP I'm wondering if, as the lady is elderly, it may be worth approaching your local AgeUK for advice on her behalf? I do believe they may visit her in her home if she cannot get about too easily (or the son is preventing her), & chat privately to her.

I'm surprised Social Services aren't more interested, she's clearly vulnerable & perhaps her money would be better spent, & all round better for her, if she were in a nursing home - a good one seeing as she has assets to pay for it.

PS YM99 - pleased to see your DNR was not required.

Yorkshireman99

SevenOfNine wrote: »

I believe I can testify to that. No DNR in place, though death had clearly occurred approximately 10 minutes earlier, told most apologetically by the nurses who attended that without it attempts must be made.

TBH I believe wholeheartedly that they definitely (& correctly) did not actually try, when the paramedics arrived with the defib, they did not try either. Though not in the room actually witnessing what they did/did not do, during those minutes there was not a single sound coming from the room - nothing but quiet silence.

Absolutely the correct decision, as described by flugelhorn.

I think this thread has travelled completely off topic! Sorry OP I'm wondering if, as the lady is elderly, it may be worth approaching your local AgeUK for advice on her behalf? I do believe they may visit her in her home if she cannot get about too easily (or the son is preventing her), & chat privately to her.

I'm surprised Social Services aren't more interested, she's clearly vulnerable & perhaps her money would be better spent, & all round better for her, if she were in a nursing home - a good one seeing as she has assets to pay for it.

PS YM99 - pleased to see your DNR was not required.

Thanks 7of9. It is still in place as the hospital said that it was unlekely to be effective given what I had had done. I am quite happy with that but don't know ifit will be actioned as my late mother had a DNR in place and it was ignored. Not a satisfactory situation. There needs to be a common protocol not all sorts of variations. Personally I don't think relastives should be allowed to veto the patient's wishes.

Squarepeg72

There is no such thing as next of kin in law until a person dies. Your grandparents can choose to appoint anybody to act on their behalf should they lose capacity by giving a lasting power of attourney for health and welfare.
I also feel there are safeguarding issues here in that your grandmother feels bullied and coerced by her son into moving which doesnt appear in their best interests nor agreement.

He has absolutely no authority over them whatsoever. Your grandparents can nominate a preferred contact with the hospitals and GP, Um registered everywhere for my own grandmother and am not "NOK"

You need a chat with your grandmother and refer to safeguarding if she consents