Daughter due to start school in Jan,wondering whether to put it off untill sept-Advic

Peakma

Hi My daughter is 4 and due to start infant school in January.I am really unsure what to do as my instincts(which I rely on and trust)are telling me shes too little and shes just not ready for the whole life sentance of school yet!
I have two boys also,who are 7 and nearly 9 and admittedly she is still my little baby girl-and I don't want to hold her back and babyfy her,so need to make the right decision for the right reasons.
In a way I've been looking forward to January ,having full days to sort out all those little jobs you never get around to and maybe making some money some way or another.I have been a full time stay at home Mum since the first was born,and in a way the thought of them all being in full time school seems a bit weird.She goes to pre-school 4 mornings a week-well shes entitled to, but we do often skip it and do our own thing.Obviously once shes at school these days will be over.
We live in a village and it is a lovely little school,but I do not get on with the headmistress,she teaches reception and year ones-she is dull old fashioned,stuck in her ways ,kind enough but just so arghhhh! when you go to parents evenings(from the boys previously been with her) she just reels off a load of figures and tells you how they fit on the chart bla...bla ...bla.I cant bear been in this womans company she is at heart a good natured kind woman but....she just does my head in! Most kids get on well with her but,well their not my kids,my kids are slightly odd slightly different a bit more quirky,and used to been able to have a bit of choice and humour in their lives.
The boys were bored stiff with her and learned nothing,and gained nothing from being in reception.They didn't want to get up they hated being their and I felt like I was taking there childhood,the whole school system drives me mad and I have considered home education,but too be honest I think that would drive me madder! and I do think they need to socialise with their own age group with out parents.(the boys are now both in the Junior school together with a lovely teacher,and they enjoy being there)
So the thought of her going off pushed into this daily routine of being stuck in a boring womans classroom from 9-3.15 , five days a week,rather than been free to do stuff with me,visit family and friends and go to pre-school for a few more months.
She isn't 5 untill the week before summer holidays,so I can officially home educate her till then,and enroll her for the September '08.And she'd skip reception and go in as a first year.The thing is its only a little school,about 30 and there are 9 of them going up from pre school in January together,so all her main pre school mates will be gone.So I don't want to hold her back in that way,whether she'l miss out on all the main friendship making of starting school together,or whether she'll just slip back into if she joins them in september.
My partner,says its up to me,as long as it doesn't mean she finishes school a year later to her friends the same age.But He is so bored in his job we have been considering to do some sort of of business together when she starts in Jan, so it would put that venture on hold.
I just cant decide what to do,I feel I should follow my instincts,she wont even be 4 1/2 in Jan,its just so young to be at school other European countries start later.she still doesn't have great speach,but we are working on that,shes extremely smart but we don't focus deeply on writting letters and counting monotonously, more just on observing the world around us.
If I put off the start date till september,I have to be sure I'm doing it for her not me.
Advice please!

consultant31

I'm sure you know best what is right for your child, but I think she will miss her friends and they will move on without her:(

When they do meet up, they will have experiences she hasn't had, will know people she doesn't know and she may well feel left out.

I know it's hard when your baby gets to the age of starting school. I have 3 children and you do tend to focus on all the negatives of the last one fleeing the nest (so to speak).

littleredhen

firstly boys are different to girls and girls seem to be more ready to sit and listen/learn and boys want to do more active stuff - sweeping statement i know but i am not saying all boys and all girls. just cos you don't like the head doesn't mean your daughter won't like her - if her peers are going then that would be a plus - if i were you i would write down all the reasons for and against and have a good look at it - you need to take out the one that say she is your baby girl etc as that is no reason for not sending her to school - school are there to teach her to read and write and you are doing the right thing by showing her the world around her - what you do have to do is be happy with your decision and not regret it in anyway - therefore don't go down the route of oh if only i had sent her to school or if only i had kept her back - make your decision based on the facts and not the emotion and be happy with it - that way you will be able to live with the decision and not spend the next 12 years or so regretting it!
not sure if any of that helped but i hope so

Peakma

It's such a small village and school,that most of the kids no each other from being babies at the toddler group,then pr-school.So I can encourage her to have them around to play.But yes,she will clearly miss out on the interaction with her age group within school hours between |January and Sept.
So I guess what I have to do is weigh up the importance of those times she will spend with those school acquaintances in the school environment, against all the fun things she could be doing with me places people we could visit.Helping to cook and garden-real life skills,and a few more months with pre school( with a lovely enthusiastic exciting leader-but she would be oldest with children 2.5 to 4).
It is a lot do do with the fact the headmistress and I do have such a different take on what learning should be-and I know she is stuck in a curriculum etc.but she is just sooo dull!She is due to retire in a couple of years,and she has been there along time.A fe other people from the village have chosen a different villages school,because of what she is like.
I do actually feel quite bad for wishing she'd go sooner because she isn't a really bad woman,the school is her life,she has no children of her own,and she does mean well.But when she does leave the school will get a new lease of life and I'm sure it will be a much better place to spend your days.
I dont really see what major harm I could do by holding her back till sept,other kids move schools etc,at least she will already know the kids when she joins them.And she will only just be 5 then,I just feel school starts to youngwith focusing on learning letters numbers and sitting still.I like the steiner school kind of approach much more.

tsstss7

Hi Peckma

I agree that u need to follow ur instincts - a pal of mine delayed her dd's school start a year (july baby) and didn't regret it - although she has started her in reception so it is a slightly different situation (she is not too worried about her being "behind" a year).

Children her age readily make friends and she will easily slot in once she does start - we moved areas during my ds's reception year and there were no problems at all....now would be harder as he is older but in those first few years everyone is friends with everyone (you try limiting the number to invite to b'day parties - nightmare!)

I do agree thought hat you need to think about why you are doing this further if u think it may be just that you do not like the teacher - esp. as she will inevitably be teaching your ds (u say she takes yr1 ) then it is more important that you think about ur daughters developmental readiness- maybe ask her nursery teachers advice as they will be able to give an opinion of this too. esp with regard to ur ds's emotional readiness for schooling.

VickyA_2

Having done some work experience in an Italian primary school (where they start full time education at 6), I now think that it's utterly barbaric how the UK insist on children starting so young............ but that's the system here.

If your main problem is with the head, can you ask her how she envisages your DD fitting in?

Is it possible to put your daughter in a different school? Maybe your sons could move too, if you don't like the head? Ok, so it may be your closest school, but if there are places at other schools that could be an option for you?

Peakma

The boys are now in the Junior school,and are much happier.They did not gain much from the infant school.
My main problem isn't just the teacher.Its the whole school system.When I used to go for the boys parents evenings,it was just all about how they fit against the chart and numbers she had in front of her.I really don't care about these things at this age.Their books were all full of started un finished pages because they took too long to get their idea and get started(they are incredibly imaginative deep thinkers),so they were rushed onto the next thing,but you can see that once they got going they were in the flow,but got cut off,to do the next thing they were told to do.this must be so frustrating for them.-it just seems like life is such a hurry from the minute you reach school age.I know they do it this way so they don't get tired of focusing on one thing,but sometimes its good to just get stuck in and lose yourself a little and carry on focusing..
I could jam the alphabet into her and no doubt she'd be able to reel it off,I could spend hours making her sit and practice writing her name over and over-until she could do it as neat as an adult,I could force her sit still quietly with her legs crossed and speak to her in a patronizing way.Every time she speaks I could butt in and point out which letters she doesn't say quite as well as she should.
But I'd rather go for a walk,identify trees to leaves, look under rocks and count insects,have teddy bears tea parties,do some doodling drawing pictures and looking at books.Just doing what we like and want to do.She will at some point in the next couple of years pick up how to read and write when she is ready to,it will just come to her with a bit of help.Shes smart and will pick it all up when shes ready.
I've no doubt this is the sort of thing some parents will be doing in the afternoons after pre school,to make sure their child appears"ready for school" clever and bright,top of the class on all the so important charts.But is this best for the overall well being of the child?
Most people are just sheep they send their child to school when the government tells them to send their child to school,they dont even consider questioning whether its the best thing to do.
My instincts do tell me I should put it off.I just think that she is still so young,what is the hurry,shes learning all the time just doing and playing.I'ts a shame they dont start on half days,the school day is a long time when your four.And although she will eventually start with the head as her teacher,it won't be for as long.And by then she will be much more ready,and there fore start with more confidence,it will be straight after the 6 week hols,so I can help re-strengthen her friendships with her old pre school friends by having them round to play etc.
I will ask the pre-school leaders opinions,and possibly speak to the head at the infant school.
Does anyone know if she will definitely be put into year one,or if theres a chance they could insist she starts with younger ones in reception.I don't want her to go through her whole school life with a group that is the year below her age group.
And will she still be intittled to early years free pre school sessions,to the age of 5?

emmilou

Here in Wales my little one has just started Nursery she was 3 in July and so little, it seems sad to pack them off to school at this age but in all honesty she loves it and it can be vital for early social skills. We are very lucky in Wales to have embraced the new Foundation Phase curriculum, I teach year 1 and it is now being phased into Key Stage 1 and I have to say it is liberating. The children are learning in a more natural way through a play based inclusive curriculum. I was pretty certain it has come into England now as well so really the school should be addressing this, but I may be wrong so don't quote me on it. The early years are so important so if I were you I would certainly enquire about the new Foundation Stage (as it is called in England) and which schools are doing this as Im sure you and your little one would be much happier in that sort of environment.
Good luck

tsstss7

hi again

sorry I should have been clearer my friend insisted on starting her girl in reception as she really wanted her to do the whole intro year thing - more play etc the usual would be to start with their age group I believe but you would need to check that with the school.

thriftmonster

My ds2 was only 4 yrs and 2 mnths when he started in the Sept intake (no other intake here) - however he went into the "enriched curriculum" which sounds similar to what Emmilou was mentioning - more Scandinavian based learning through structured play and physical activity for the first 2 years- and he really benefitted from this approach. If your school does this, it is a very different approach from what your older kids might have done.

ailuro2

We had the same choice, and went with our instinct that although DD was birght enough it was her social skills that would have kept her back. We waited the extra year and she blossomed- in the interim year we put her to nursery full time, and it was exactly what she needed.

We had to ignore the advice of nursery teachers who said she was ready to go to school- and, fwiw all the teachers she has had tell us it makes such a difference to them allowing them the extra time befor estarting school, and they wished they had a class full of kids like my DD:A I diud feel smug when they said that, it confirmed our instincts had been right all along.

You do know your daughter best.:D