Aligning the Stars

NelliePie

StarMummy Don't beat yourself up too much - yes you has a blip but we all have them every now and then. Be glad you know that it's a blip, the impact it can have and that you know how to sort it out. If you can figure out what the trigger was you can put plans in place to work around it. For example if it was it the birthday that triggered the spending, maybe have a little savings pot for next year so you can dip into to get your hair and nails done rather than spending on the CC.

Try not to get too down on yourself, just use this feeling to keep you motivated and figure out your next steps. You'll be fine, just keep going!

DrSpendLittle

Awww Starmummy!! Don't beat yourself up too much! Sometimes a blip is what we need to refocus and regroup. Embrace the blip! It's nothing more than a learning curve. FWIW I bought a winter coat in the sales as it ticked every single box on my wish list and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity for a bargain. I also got some bargainous knit wear for my A/W capsule. None were budgeted for but I'm glad I got wish list pieces for a fraction of the full price. I've rejigged my budget accordingly.

I've loved my 30's so far. They bring a wisdom and maturity that is so precious. We're lucky to age. It means we still have life.

Starmummy

Thanks for the support Redo, Nellie and DrSpend. It's appreciated.

My birthday weekend was lovely. Mr Star took the three of us to London, we stayed in a hotel, did a few tourist things and went to see a show.

One of the major things I've decided about turning 30 is getting rid of excuses and stop being the victim or finding something to blame. I'm going to take ownership, take it on the chin, learn what lessons I can and move on.
*Is my money situation really because of misfortune or poor choices? I need to be honest about my spending and set realistic targets for paying off debt.
*Did I fail that exam because it was too hard or because I didn't study smart and spent too much time on social media.
*Am I pushing myself at work or am I coasting?
*Am I feeling unfit because I have no time to exercise more or am I refusing to make the most of opportunities?

Do you see the pattern?

Anyway...onward and upwards, I don't stay down for long

Starmummy

THIS WEEK'S TO DO LIST

*Wash Star child's duvet, mattress topper, cushion covers and throws.
*Collect Euros for my trip.
*Do at least 5 hours of studying.
*finish reading the book I got at Christmas.
*Book the rest of the holiday childcare.
*Get front bedroom presentable for friend coming to stay.
*Print off travel documents- make Mr Star aware of times to take me to airport.
*Take impulse purchases back to shop.
*Buy Star Child a new swimsuit.
*post parcel.
*prepare for meetings at work.
*Spend less than one hour a day playing games/using social media on my phone.
*Text friend back about having her for dinner.
*Text other friend about booking her birthday treat.
*Confirm visit to see my sister.
*Drink more water.
*Eat more veg.
*Make up missed swim session.

Starmummy

Starmummy wrote: »

THIS WEEK'S TO DO LIST

*Wash Star child's duvet, mattress topper, cushion covers and throws. DONE
*Collect Euros for my trip. DONE
*Do at least 5 hours of studying.
*finish reading the book I got at Christmas.
*Book the rest of the holiday childcare.
*Get front bedroom presentable for friend coming to stay.
*Print off travel documents- make Mr Star aware of times to take me to airport. DONE
*Take impulse purchases back to shop. DONE
*Buy Star Child a new swimsuit. DONE
*post parcel. DONE
*prepare for meetings at work.
*Spend less than one hour a day playing games/using social media on my phone.
*Text friend back about having her for dinner.
*Text other friend about booking her birthday treat.
*Confirm visit to see my sister.
*Drink more water.
*Eat more veg.
*Make up missed swim session.

I'm struggling this week. Work is difficult due to something beyond my control, The heat is exhausting because StarChild can't sleep so I get woken up multiple times a night.

I just exploded at Mr Star!
He sent me a news article about how important it is to save for a pension...I text back outlining my plans ( 5% comes straight from my salary, I will up this by £300 a month once i'm debt free and to 25% of my salary when i have some savings behind me) and his response was "well your debt is all 0% I don't know why you can't invest now, compound interest is so important" blah blah blah.

I know how compound interest works! I just don't have to have the blinking money to invest in the first place :mad: :mad: :mad:
Star child's dad disappearing off the face of the earth and not paying maintenance leaves a £250 hole in my budget.
My pay less my contribution to the mortgage and bills, the household expenses account, car insurance, Star child's swimming, my debts, my mobile phone and contact lens payment leaves me a massive £53 a month.

That £53 has to cover, clothing and shoes, treats and a social life, presents, haircuts, holidays, my toiletries, days out etc etc etc.
He just doesn't get why I have no money. I'm so frustrated with him I just want to cry. He earns 3 times what I do.

I appreciate he is trying to look out for the future but the pressure I feel right now is really turning my head inside out.

enthusiasticsaver

Saving into a pension is important and the earlier you do it the better the results as you obviously already know.

I seem to recall you struggle with letting your obviously better paid DP carry more of the bills. If he was that worried about it he would suggest joint finances given you live together or are you resisting that? How much do you pay each month towards your debts? You pay 5% of your salary but presumably your employer pays something?


I have advised my daughter to up hers gradually rather than a huge amount all at once maybe 1% a year. It is tax efficient to save towards a pension but if you only have £53 disposable income then it is obviously not going to happen. Is Mr Star not aware that you have lost child maintenance and how much of your income goes towards debt repayments?

Starmummy

My previous job the contribution both me and my employer made totalled 10% of my salary, in this job the joint total contribution is 5%. i also pay £25 a month into a LISA, a drop in the ocean but every little helps.

As for household bills I just transfer a set amount to his account every month as my contribution to mortgage, council tax, and utilities. I then transfer a set amount (equal to Mr Star's contribution) to the joint account for food, fuel, holidays etc. Both these contributions total 53% of my income (without maintenance)

My 'minimum' monthly debt payments (to pay to term on loans and before 0% ends on credit cards) are £640 which is 34% of my take home pay.

I have told him about the maintenance. He seemed to think it was a 'nice to have' rather than I actually could really do with the money. I guess that is a self preservation thing for him though given that he supports Starchild emotionally and financially rather than my ex, he doesn't see that 'we' need my ex's help.

[Deleted User]

Why are you paying an equal amount towards household expenses if he earns 3 times as much as you?
I earn 50% more than my husband, so I pay 2/3 of the bills. It's fair as we both pay the same percentage of our wages towards our shared bills.
I'm guessing your shared bills are based on what is an appropriate lifestyle for Mr Star's wages, and are therefore probably too pricey for yours?
He's probably frustrated because he's trying to help you (and if he really does earn 3 times your wage, it sounds like the wouldn't even be a bug thing for him), and you're not fully letting him.
Embrace this amazing opportunity life has thrown your way!
If my OH suddenly had money and offered the kind of help Mr Star is offering, I'd bite his hand off!

Starmummy

The amount I pay towards the mortgage, utilities etc is the figure he asked me to pay when I moved in with him. He knew how much my wages were then (significantly less than they are now) and what the household bills were as he had lived there a year and a half before we moved in.
I never quibbled it as I assumed that it represented a fair proportion of bills.
I'm reluctant to admit I don't actually know how much the bills are as he doesn't share that info with me. I do have a rough idea.

I struggle talking about money with him as he expects to know the minute detail of my finances and yet doesn't disclose anything to me so really I don't know where I stand and what is fair. He is wonderful but he can be such a bloody hypocrite.

NelliePie

Starmummy wrote: »

The amount I pay towards the mortgage, utilities etc is the figure he asked me to pay when I moved in with him. He knew how much my wages were then (significantly less than they are now) and what the household bills were as he had lived there a year and a half before we moved in.
I never quibbled it as I assumed that it represented a fair proportion of bills.
I'm reluctant to admit I don't actually know how much the bills are as he doesn't share that info with me. I do have a rough idea.

I struggle talking about money with him as he expects to know the minute detail of my finances and yet doesn't disclose anything to me so really I don't know where I stand and what is fair. He is wonderful but he can be such a bloody hypocrite.

Maybe you need to discuss this with him ; let him know how you're feeling and say you'd like to be more involved in the bills etc. He has to understand that there's give and take so if he wants to know all about your finances you should be able to know about his too.