Aligning the Stars

Starmummy

Hi Dr S.

Thank you for the support. It really does help make this journey easier having people care and check in on me.

No prosecco ...but it's my birthday next week (the big 3-0 eeek!) so I have a bottle of Taittinger chilling in the fridge ready :bdaycake:

I had a bit of a wobble about my birthday last night (might have not been helped by the footie results and a couple of gins) Mr Star was wonderful as always. He Reminded me what I've achieved and what I'm capable of and he explained me that I AM already the woman that I want to become and should be proud of myself, reminding me that 30's doesn't mean I have to grow up or be boring and I can just carry on as I am.
I'm back to embracing it this morning.

Rachel24

I think you are doing incredible star mummy. Once you get under the 10k of debt I bet it'll feel amazing! I was 30 in Feb and I had a bit of a wobble about where I was in life. But I had an amazing time and I feel great :-)

Starmummy

Are we weekend ready?

Spoke to Mr Star last night about worrying how to balance the cost of childcare over the summer. His answer...why the hell aren't I paying for it from the joint account...I do like to make things difficult for myself.
He also asked why I was still paying the insurance and tax on my car myself given that he uses it more than me and he thinks it should come out of the joint account too.
I'm going to sell it anyway so not much point transferring the DD details so I may just transfer money into my current account from the joint account to cover that.

I've managed to get one of my siblings to have Star child for a week and a bit in the holidays. I have a week off work. I'm hoping to do a few working from home days too...that means only 12ish days of childcare to pay for. I've booked 3 so far.

There's been one main struggle with getting my budget to balance since I started this journey, the child maintenance I should receive from Star Child's Dad.
He just isn't reliable. It's never ever been paid on time and I only really started getting anything about 18 months ago (we split in March 2011). I've decided I need to just not include the agreed amount as income to my budget. If it gets paid then I can split it between her savings and putting away for big things like school trips and treats. So I need to try and adjust things by about £200 to make it balance. I'm on a fairly decent wage I can do that.

I use childcare vouchers for term time childcare anyway so the only costs I really see that come from my budget are her swimming/youth group fees and nice clothes etc. The roof over her head and the food in her belly are all household expenses from the joint account, as are essential clothes like school uniform and pj's and shoes. Really she doesn't cost us that much and as a family we really do not need the money from my ex. I just get really angry at the principal of him not making any effort, I need to get over that because I only end up upsetting myself.

Anyway on a positive note. I'm still in control of my finances, the sun is shining and I'm looking forward to another lovely weekend with my stars.

Take care

SM

enthusiasticsaver

It sounds like you have hit the jackpot with Mr Star and he sounds completely different to your ex. As you say not relying on the maintenance sounds like the way to go to avoid stress. Put it aside when received so hopefully it will be there for school trips etc. Childcare of course should be a joint expense if you and Mr Star have merged finances and good he encourages that and does not see starchild as solely your responsibility. She sounds lovely.

Starmummy

Monday is here again folks and the sun is still shining.

We had a wonderful weekend. Star child was incredible with her swimming and then went for a sleepover with one of her friends so Mr Star and I got some lovely adult only time, an evening in the pub, a lay in and a lazy lunch out.

This week is set to be a busy one but a fun one.
It's my birthday week so family dinner out, work lunch out, surprise weekend away with Mr Star and Star Child, and a trip to the salon to get my hair done for the first time this year, as well as the usual work and swimming lessons.

Childcare for the school holiday's is almost sorted so that's a relief.
The house is going to need some attention this week it's incredible how quickly it gets cluttered when you take your eyes off the ball...and that's with only one child.

I also need to pick up some Euros this week before my trip at the end of the month.

Food budget is looking respectable, only £150 spent so far and only a small top up needed this week. I think we could acheive £250 this month. that's £110 saving on last month.

We have also booked the second accommodation for our Italy trip. A gorgeous farm stay just outside the city. This holiday would make any MSE proud. flights and hotels for the three of us first week of September under £800. It works out as £265 each. We still need to book hire car and we will need spending money but both places have kitchens so food spends should be little more than what we would spend at home.

I did have a tearful Star Child on Friday, it was a non-uniform day and she said she felt ugly and boring and baby-ish compared to her friends and she just wants to fit in. It breaks my heart, she really is beautiful and I'm not saying that because I'm biased, regardless of looks shes smart, funny, kind, helpful, sporty, brave. I'm so proud of her I hate that she lacks confidence. I'm not sure how to handle it other than to listen. I can sympathise I remember feeling the same when I was young. My parents didn't have the money to buy nice clothes or cool trainers and everything was a hand-me-down. My confidence eventually came with age but I'm sure it will only be harder for her generation in the age of the internet.
We spent an hour gutting her wardrobe and getting rid of anything that she hated or didn't fit. She barely has anything left. I have told her that she is 100% free to find her own style and we can buy the things she likes from now on. I'm going to scrape together £100 to get her a few bits she feels good in for summer given she can't hide in school uniform in the holidays.

Parenting never gets easier does it? the challenge just changes.

Take care

SM

redofromstart

Oh poor Star Child, and hard for you to hear. I totally get wanting to fit in at that age. Hope you can identify some things for her that she does like.

Starmummy

Thanks Redo.
She can be quite sensitive, I guess that given she has no siblings to argue and bicker with whenever anyone at school says something that might be unkind she really takes it to heart. She just isn't used to any kind of conflict. Her teachers always comment on how everyone gets on with her and she is well liked in school so I'm sure there is no genuine bullying going on.

Starmummy

In the spirit of this weeks birthday I feel the need to write a list...oh I do love a list!
Of all the things i want to achieve in this new decade.
(p.s anyone who gets the title reference can be my friend :rotfl:)

*Pay off my debt and maintain debt-free-ness
*Finish my qualifications...3 exams to go.
*Get promoted to a senior role.
*Travel to at least 10 more countries I've never been to before. (Nepal, Vietnam, Iceland and Portugal definitely on the list)
*Keep fit - maintain my daily walks, Monday and Tuesday swims and Friday yoga class, add in the odd run.
*Learn to dive.
*Take myself on another surf trip, and one with Star child when she is a bit older.
*Make sure Star child feels the support she needs for all the exams/schooling she has to face in the next 10 years. (SATs, GCSE's, A Levels)
*take a 'GAP_YEAR' or few months with Star child when she leaves school.
*Save at least £40k.
*Get my pension really working for me.
*Move somewhere new.
*Look after myself, sleep, meditate, eat well, exercise, try not to overthink.
*Say 'YES' more.
*Buy the good face cream.
*Smile more.
*Simplify my material possessions.
*Be more environmentally aware.
* Do a skydive or learn to para-glide (or both).
*Read more. fiction, psychology, biographies, travel, read everything.
*Do yoga teacher training.
*Only buy nice underwear and pyjamas.
*Finish the book I've started writing/brainstorming.
*Get our lovely home more liveable.(Bathroom revamp, kitchen update, blinds and carpets)


I think that should keep me pretty busy and happy.:beer:

Starmummy

Well !!!!!!!

The start of the year went so well. I had so much determination and I was ready to get rid of the debt and stop worrying about money.

I've spent an hour this morning pulling the money situation completely apart and being totally honest with myself. Turns out I can't afford the champagne lifestyle just yet.

The lack of child maintenance the past two months has left a sizeable hole in my budget and I just haven't adjusted accordingly. The money for the hotel for this weeks trip came out ( I booked it on my credit card for security purposes but then forgot about it thinking i'd paid out of my current account) and I'm in my overdraft.
To top it off I took turning 30 less gracefully than I thought. I spent £80 on anti-aging skincare!!! :eek: what the hell...like I need to worry about fine lines i still get asked for ID buying Malbec in ALD1!
I also spent £75 getting my hair and nails done to make me feel better...and bought some clothes in the sales.
Stupid stupid girl. :mad:
The solution to this? possibly not my smartest choice but I've done a money transfer to my empty MBNA card. It will clear the holiday expenses on another credit card and the overdraft. I'm going to take the sale items back, can't take the skincare as I've used it. I have some expenses to claim at work too. the refunds and expenses will be paid straight off the MBNA and will then leave this with a balance of £500ish.

My plan is to throw any spare money at this card and get it gone by Christmas.
I feel so stupid. I am really hoping that this is the kick up the bum i needed to get my full watt bulb back.

redofromstart

hope you had a good birthday despite the spending.