Could this work - elderly parents

pollypenny

TonyMMM wrote: »

You are free to choose to look after your parents if you want to. .

You parents are free to give you whatever they like - but it would be gifts, not wages.

The gifts could form part of their estate if they die within 7 years

I believe that money given out of regular income, rather than savings, does not count.

pinkshoes

If they can gift £3k per person without tax implications , so £6k per year, then why not be a part time carer and look after them 2.5 days a week for £500/month as well as a part time job?

It would take the pressure off your dad without you having to give up your job.

Keep_pedalling

pollypenny wrote: »

I believe that money given out of regular income, rather than savings, does not count.

Only money from surplus income, you can’t simply give money from income and spend savings on yourself at the same time.

If the the OPs parents net worth is not in IHT territory, then none of this matters.

Mojisola

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

Dad is starting to get some health issues as well and is currently waiting for an operation on his heart.

Anyway, dad was telling me that every month they save well over £1000 as there is nothing to spend the money on. He says they both have healthy savings.

Anyway, he wondered whether I would consider giving up work so that I could spend more time looking after him and mum.

He would give me £1000 a month for this which would go a long way to cover what I would lose by giving up work.

One of our older relatives has done this. He employs his son to do a set number of hours each week.

DevilsAdvocate1

Thanks for all your replies. Thought I'd give a bit more information.

They don't need 24/7 care and I couldn't give this anyway. I currently look after mum on a Monday afternoon and also try to meet dad once a week on his own somewhere outside of the house. We often go for lunch. This can be difficult as I work away a fair bit. He doesn't like leaving mum on her own for any longer than an hour or so.

A care home is not what any of us want at this stage. I've assessed a few when I've been working and I've not found one I like yet. Plus my dad is still very independent. He still drives etc. He also collects my boys from school once a week and takes them out to tea. I think the issue is more one of lonliness than actually needing care and worrying about leaving mum on her own in case she falls.

I currently earn around £1500 a month, so I would have less than now, but think this should be doable because I wouldn't have any expenses associated with work.

The money dad is proposing to give me is what he has left out of their pensions after all bills and luxuries are paid. So there would be no impact on his savings at all.

Ms_Chocaholic

It's all very well you saying they don't need 24/7 care at the moment but your dad is looking to the future, if your mum continues to deteriorate this might be expected of you in the months/years to come. You need to think about what this would entail in the future and not just now and also your parents expectations of you in the future.

Also what would happen if your dad died or became unwell himself and unable to care for your mum? You say he's fit and healthy now but that doesn't mean that couldn't quickly change, especially as he doesn't like to leave her for longer than one hour at the moment.

DevilsAdvocate1

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

It's all very well you saying they don't need 24/7 care at the moment but your dad is looking to the future, if your mum continues to deteriorate this might be expected of you in the months/years to come. You need to think about what this would entail in the future and not just now and also your parents expectations of you in the future.

Also what would happen if your dad died or became unwell himself and unable to care for your mum? You say he's fit and healthy now but that doesn't mean that couldn't quickly change, especially as he doesn't like to leave her for longer than one hour at the moment.

I fully intend to look after them as best as I can at that point. Dad is 10 years younger than mum. They live very close to me and we also have room in our house if necessary.

I really don't want them going into a home and that would be an absolute last resort.

pollypenny

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

Only money from surplus income, you can’t simply give money from income and spend savings on yourself at the same time.

If the the OPs parents net worth is not in IHT territory, then none of this matters.

Well, if the parents are saving £1000 a month that is surplus income.

Savvy_Sue

Personally I'd want to work on the loneliness / support angle first, without committing myself - because that is part of the future-proofing that's needed, IMO.

So if Dad is feeling lonely and a bit isolated, are there services available which would help out with that? In some places there are - for example my parents were picked up by minibus several times a week and taken to various activities, and a lunch club. It relieved the pressure on us to know that they weren't at home on their own all the time, plus they enjoyed the activities. They also had a cleaner and a gardener, which gave a bit of company if they happened to come while Mum and Dad were at home.

In contrast, my MIL has resisted all suggestions to investigate what might be available near them. FIL has serious memory problems and is becoming increasingly unsteady on his feet. MIL doesn't like to leave him for long, so she gets little more than one outing a week on her own. She does all the cleaning, followed around by FIL who goes looking for her if she leaves the room. BIL still lives at home and does the gardening - it's probably the only thing which keeps the situation sustainable.

MIL's view is that she can't get any help in, of any kind, because a) they don't need it and b) FIL will want to know what this strange person is doing in their house.

Her choices, but one day there's going to be a crisis and she won't be able to manage any more, and I just don't know what we'll do then.

svain

i wouldn't over think this. If it suits you to care for your folks and your father wants the help then its a win-win. £1000 is not a great deal a month to worry about. If your dad wishes to help you out then he might want to cover a few of your bills, insurances, groceries, credit card expenditure etc on a monthly basis. The only thing i would be sure to agree upfront is what days and the amount of time you will be needed.