Over 40k in debt and ready to ask for help!

enjoyyourshoes

The debs are a symptom, you need to solve the problem.

You need to work out for yourself what the problem (s) are. We can all guess, but only you know what they really are.

Solving this will then lead onto the practical steps to solve the debts.

kindofagilr

I'm a bit worried for you, you are taking all the blame for this, you sound like someone who your husband has control over, you have two jobs yet he has all your money?

kindofagilr

Grumpelstiltskin wrote: »

OP Please read this.

http://www.the-ripple-effect.info/pdf/isitreallyabuse.pdf


You are being abused and it appears he has done a good job on you over the years, you appear to have no self esteem and a marriage is not where one partner is frightened of the other's reaction.

OK If the debt is in your name then it will have to be sorted but the most important thing is your sanity and safety, you need to get out ASAP the debt can wait.

This is exactly what I think too, you are being abused and you now believe everything is your fault

Gladioli

I will not comment on the Domestic Abuse element and instead try and look for practical help. Are you named on the mortgage, could bankruptcy been an option? stepchange may be able to help advise you.


However whatever you do will have implications on either you or both of you, you have hidden as much as you can and sadly now I think whether you like it or not you may get found out. Please try to stay as safe as you can

FlowerGirl27

If your husband is taking both lots of your wages from your two jobs into his account, and only giving you a very small amount to live on in return, where is the rest of the money you have earned over the years?

You say that you live frugally. So where is what must be the substantial surplus?

If he is sitting on a huge bank balance which has been growing as you have been racking up more and more debt on day to day living, this needs to be balanced.

marliepanda

Honestly your first priority needs to be clearing the debts you set up in your daughters name. It is not fair to ruin their chances at future credit/mortgages etc.

They could have you prosecuted for fraud for this...

Candyapple

Before financial advice – please, please, please read this OP:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/financial-abuse/

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/financial-abuse-report/


Out of your debts, I have listed the ones that you can do something about.

papermaker wrote: »

RBS loan - £16000 - paying £30 monthly and Charging Order
NHS charge - £200
Quik Quid - £400
Parking fines - £1150
Orange - £188
Capital One - £300
Talk Talk - £190
Halifax - £95
Credit Acceptance Corporation - £6700 (I think this is for a car brought on HP over 15 years ago which was returned as not fit for sale within weeks)

The RBS one you have already arranged monthly payment and they’ve got their charging order so ignore this for now and keep up with the payments.

NHS charge – what is this for? Can you pay in instalments?

Why are the parking fines so high? Is this due to them going to court/fees added on top? Are they in dispute? Are the fines from the council or private?

Orange / Capital One / Talk Talk / Halifax – I would advise you to contact a debt charity who can put you on a debt management plan: https://www.stepchange.org/

If the car was returned within weeks, should the debt not have been wiped entirely also? Can you check your paperwork to see what it says?

papermaker wrote: »

I also have to my shame taken 3 store cards in two of my daughters names to around £1300. They are unaware of this.

Your 2 daughters who are abroad – are these the ones whose names you used to take out the cards? Is there any chance they are likely to return to live in the UK in the next 6 years?

You said you had 6 children – do the other 4 still live at home with you?

papermaker wrote: »

I would also add I have given my husband a bad credit score due to the Charging Orders. He has no other debt (doesn't believe in credit) and I am afraid he will find out about it if we sell our home.

There’s no getting around that. Are you planning to sell your home in the near future? Or remortgage? You will most definitely run into trouble if you do, because you can only remortgage with the permission of whoever holds the second charge or in your case, three charges as the creditors may want their money. It's up to them. They will stop you from re-mortgaging if they don't allow their charge to be postponed.

Are you and your husband both named on the mortgage?

Are you still paying for a mortgage or has this been paid off?

Does your husband work?

I’m going to hazard a guess and say that your wages going into his account is down to his controlling behaviour – have you ever discussed being able to put them in your own account, or have you been too afraid that he would be violent towards you?

barbarawright

papermaker wrote: »

Thank you for all taking the time to post and I do appreciate your comments.
In reply - for example, my husband did not even know we were getting some of these benefits incorrectly as I convinced him I had acted correctly when he started work by ending the housing benefit claim. Instead I kept the £70 odd a week rent money he gave me to pay the rent (it was many years ago) and used it to clothe/feed the children etc. I have a criminal record for this but was not given a prison sentence due to my circumstances and having disabled children. So he did not 'enjoy the overpayments'.
See, it is me who has acted wrongly.
Yes I completely know it was wrong to take out the cards in my daughters names. I did this and paid the minimum amounts for a while but couldn't manage to keep it up. One store card was to buy a computer for my daughter - I couldn't face letting her know her dad had said no. I have a terrible credit history or I would have got this in my name. They both live abroad now but I am dreading them finding out.
I think its back to burying my head in the sand again from what I have read.
I have NEVER confided in anyone about my situation - all smiles on the surface - haven't asked for support as ironically I worked for the agency I would be referred to so am too ashamed.
My request today was just a genuine plea for practical advice to tackle/contact/plead with creditors.

How did your husband think your children were going to be fed and clothed if all you had was enough money to pay the rent and he wasn't taking responsibility for it? I'm not condoning what you did but surely any mother would prioritise feeding their children over anything.

Seriously, OP, you are in an abusive situation and you must take steps to deal with that. You cannot get rid of the debt while this situation continues. And your husband is most definitely breaking the law. He simply has no right to take all your wages and give you pocket money

Puddylove

This is financial abuse, and you deserve better,

None of us can solve the problem that your wages are effectively stolen by your husband, leaving you nothing to live on, let alone pay debts with.

Sending you virtual hugs - I hope you find the strength to free yourself soon.

Toni'sfriend

Please contact Women's Aid or a similar organisation and tell them everything you have posted here. You will feel a burden lifted if you share this with someone and they will give you practical advice and support. This is not a good relationship and the stress you are under must be making you ill. Can I ask if you still have children living at home with you?