Pension and divorce

atush

atush wrote: »

The relevance is his motivation- he wants to go quickly and cheaply as he has already found a new place/person. But she does not need to hurry.

He wants to go quickly so she doenst consult legal advisers who wll tell her he is being unfair in his proposals.

and dont think that a judge will not see thru his actions and not be more sympathetic with the sister in this case.

Pollycat wrote: »

The point I was making is that there is 'no blame' attached to whoever is walking away from a marriage.

When the one walking away tries to bamboozle the one left behind- sure I can attach blame. He is trying to cheat her of her fair share.

She need legal advice, not her soon to be Ex's advice.

Pollycat

atush wrote: »

When the one walking away tries to bamboozle the one left behind- sure I can attach blame. He is trying to cheat her of her fair share.

She need legal advice, not her soon to be Ex's advice.

I wasn't talking about you attaching blame.
I was talking about the courts or mediator will see it.

You - and the OP - can attach all the blame you like.
The fact that he was the one who walked away is irrelevant from a legal perspective.

I don't think a judge - which the OP and her sister are keen not to involve anyway - will be more sympathetic.

enthusiasticsaver

atush wrote: »

When the one walking away tries to bamboozle the one left behind- sure I can attach blame. He is trying to cheat her of her fair share.

She need legal advice, not her soon to be Ex's advice.

Yes, my mum and I have been pushing this. Her argument so far is that she thinks he is being fair and does not want to anger him into being difficult. I think she doesn't know whether he is being fair until she gets advice. She says he is being generous with spousal and child maintenance at the moment until it is all finalised.

Someone has said that on the financial consent they have to say who they have consulted for advice so if they start the process soon she can quite legitimately say it is a requirement.

enthusiasticsaver

Pollycat wrote: »

I wasn't talking about you attaching blame.
I was talking about the courts or mediator will see it.

You - and the OP - can attach all the blame you like.
The fact that he was the one who walked away is irrelevant from a legal perspective.

I don't think a judge - which the OP and her sister are keen not to involve anyway - will be more sympathetic.

I do not think it will get that far. They are both intelligent reasonable people. My sister is upset he would not fight for the marriage but will not be deliberately difficult or uncompromising.

It is hard not to attach blame when people you care about are going through it. Divorce is harsh.

enthusiasticsaver

happyandcontented wrote: »

Currently, she has a lawyer but it was some time before she admitted to anyone (even her closest friends) that he had gone... and so she just picked a name from the phone book and we fear she may not have chosen wisely.

Like you, we have been researching pension options recently (previously we had no idea of potential value) so I wanted her to be aware of what amounts could be involved.

Oh goodness your poor friend. My sister said she felt a sense of shame and embarrassment when her ex left. As if she had failed when of course she had done nothing wrong. I think this is why I am trying to get advice for my sister without pushing it down her throat as she finds reading up about it makes it real. A little bit of self denial I guess. Maybe that is why your friend tried to cope on her own.

lisyloo

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

It is hard not to attach blame when people you care about are going through it. Divorce is harsh.

This is exactly why objective parties are usually involved - often at high cost.

enthusiasticsaver

lisyloo wrote: »

This is exactly why objective parties are usually involved - often at high cost.

Actually I was talking about the emotional aspects of it not the financial ones.

enthusiasticsaver

lisyloo wrote: »

This is exactly why objective parties are usually involved - often at high cost.

Actually I have just got what you meant and yes sometimes it takes an objective opinion to get people to stand back and take a less personal viewpoint. Mediation sounds like the way to go if they cannot agree.

stoozie1

crv1963 wrote: »

4) In my case we both got CETVs, they were added together by the judge and the total split 50:50, so a big percentage of my pension was handed over.

Was your ex-partner's pension also subject to a pension sharing order, or was it allowed to remain, but it's value subtracted from the 50% of yours?

Pollycat

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

I do not think it will get that far. They are both intelligent reasonable people. My sister is upset he would not fight for the marriage but will not be deliberately difficult or uncompromising.

Who knows what he'll decide to do in the future.
It's all very well saying both parties want an amicable resolution but he may change his mind at any time.
And if - as some posters believe - he is hiding the true value of his pension pot, that might just be the trigger.

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

It is hard not to attach blame when people you care about are going through it. Divorce is harsh.

Of course it's hard not to apportion lame when it's someone close to you that you feel has been unfairly treated

But you need to separate how his actions will be seen from a legal perspective from how shabbily he has treated your sister.
That was my (and other posters) point about him walking away being irrelevant.

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Actually I was talking about the emotional aspects of it not the financial ones.

It's all well and good being morally outraged on your sister's behalf (as I was on my friend's behalf) but that's not being objective about the whole situation.