Pension and divorce

stoozie1

If BILs pension is that great (comparative to tge value in the house) then he'll perhaps also be better off with the type of split of assets you were favouring, as it would reduce his LTA liability whilst preserving some house equity.

I'm not saying these things can ever be win-win, but just wanted to offer that possibly there's a way that allowing the pension to be considered could benefit both of them. His adviser may help him see this.

enthusiasticsaver

stoozie1 wrote: »

If BILs pension is that great (comparative to tge value in the house) then he'll perhaps also be better off with the type of split of assets you were favouring, as it would reduce his LTA liability whilst preserving some house equity.

I'm not saying these things can ever be win-win, but just wanted to offer that possibly there's a way that allowing the pension to be considered could benefit both of them. His adviser may help him see this.

Possibly. It is supposed to be a very good one but it is a DB scheme and he has 34 years service so far. He will end up with about 45 years if he stays in civil service which I would imagine he will. Even so the CETV will be very high I guess.

Pollycat

atush wrote: »

The relevance is his motivation- he wants to go quickly and cheaply as he has already found a new place/person. But she does not need to hurry.

He wants to go quickly so she doenst consult legal advisers who wll tell her he is being unfair in his proposals.

and dont think that a judge will not see thru his actions and not be more sympathetic with the sister in this case.

The point I was making is that there is 'no blame' attached to whoever is walking away from a marriage.

Pollycat

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

I am not a him and have not encouraged her or discouraged her but just listened for now to what their preliminary conversation covered. I don't think it is wise to make decisions without all the facts. I empathise with her and will not advise. I am not a lawyer and not at all familiar with divorce law. Don't jump to conclusions.

So I referred to you as 'him'.
My bad.
But about as relevant as you keep pointing out that it was your BIL who 'walked away'.

enthusiasticsaver

Dansmam wrote: »

Two further thoughts while I was walking the dog -
1. some devastated men can also concede too much - before the decent folk on here feel the need to point that out - and they are good and caring people, but the financial advantage is more often on the male foot here in 21st century Britain.
2. needs a court order to secure what is agreed but that doesn't mean hearing or judges - paper exercise if it's mutually agreed. Need recommendations for a lawyer who genuinely mediates. Doesn't have to be a re run of Kramer v Kramer
Good luck x

Yes I am sure you are right. He is not devastated but I think he does feel guilty. He is more informed on financial matters than my sister so I am just trying to point out things to her she may not be aware of. He is now the one setting the pace so I am worried she may be swept along. She is not naive though and won't let herself be pushed around so I am confident she won't be taken advantage of if she has all the facts and figures.

Yes a few people have mentioned that a court granted financial consent is preferable in view of the large amount of money involved but I will reassure her that may not be actually going to a court and standing in front of a judge. Scary.

I am going to suggest she looks into financial mediation.

Thank you for your input and enjoy your dog walk

enthusiasticsaver

Pollycat wrote: »

The point I was making is that there is 'no blame' attached to whoever is walking away from a marriage.

Not in law no. Morally is another question.

enthusiasticsaver

Pollycat wrote: »

So I referred to you as 'him'.
My bad.
But about as relevant as you keep pointing out that it was your BIL who 'walked away'.

Forgive me for being angry on my sisters behalf.

mgdavid

The split was two years ago? I'm surprised your sister hasn't attempted to learn at least a bit about the divorce process in that time. Your current research and advice to her is invaluable!
BTW have you come across Form E yet?
https://formfinder.hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/form-e-eng.pdf

enthusiasticsaver

mgdavid wrote: »

The split was two years ago? I'm surprised your sister hasn't attempted to learn at least a bit about the divorce process in that time. Your current research and advice to her is invaluable!
BTW have you come across Form E yet?
https://formfinder.hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/form-e-eng.pdf

She may well have done. She was extremely depressed the first year and my brother in law stressed there was no rush to sort out financial matters. I think they only saw each other once over that year. Because I live a long way away I don't see her that often and it is easier not to harp on it honestly. We just try to have a good time. Now my brother in law has stepped up the pace a bit and I am going up to see her next weekend, not to discuss this but a fun day out. I am sure the subject will come up and I want to help if I can.

I will look at the link you put up.

Thank you so much for your advice.

justme111

if you read the thread by JackRS that starts with a word "separated " you may find it enlightening and fascinating.