Pension and divorce

crv1963

Your divorce sounds very acrimonious and I am surprised you weren't able to retain a share in the house until the kids were grown. Unless of course you wanted a clean break and that maybe will what my sister wants in which case yes she may have to forego the pension.[/QUOTE[

It wasn't the friendliest, not as bad as Krammer vs Krammer! Judge took the view that as I was full time vs her part time employment and I clearly had a significantly higher (38k pa) than hers I could re-enter the property market and as the children were still at school their needs for housing until university finished was a long way off she should get all of the equity.


As well as equalising the pension pots. I was annoyed at the time but no point in being bitter at least he didn't award spousal maintenance let alone this for life!


I've now taken a dispassionate view of the whole matter and don't feel annoyed anymore I am happy re-married and planning our retirement even if I do need to work a little longer to achieve this I'm in a good place.

crv1963

If they agree between them there will be no need for Courts or judges.

No you are definitely wrong on this point, without a Consent Order which orders a clean break each will at some future point be able to make a claim against the other.


A judge will not make an order without all of the facts and if either party meets someone else then they may have an influence on the events from the sidelines- your sister needs to wake up, get advice even if she doesn't follow it.

enthusiasticsaver

atush wrote: »

I think that sounds like he was controlling to begin with. He did as you say deal with all the financials. And she is afraid of him being angry?

She will at some point need him to get a CETV as she will with her pension. Even if just for mediation. At least a one off consultation with someone might tell her what is allowed, what is fair, and she can still go amicable with mediation.

As you say, she needs to knwo the fact to knwo if he is being fair or not. But it sounds scarey to me that he doenst want her to have advice, and she is afriad he will become angry.

Are the adult children paying rent+ while living in the family home?

He was a bit controlling. He is very high achiever and used to having people do his bidding and he has destroyed her confidence over the years but she is doing a bit better now. I think she feels he has been reasonable so far and she is depending on him continuing that way as she is worried for her financial future amongst other things.

I can't actually say he has dissuaded her from getting advice but will speak to her more about this when I next see her. All she has told me so far is that he has suggested a way forward and does not want to use solicitors. She will have to declare what advice she has taken so I don't see how he can be cross at that. He has a short fuse though although there is no physical abuse there can be some psychological bullying.

My niece is still at Uni. My nephew pays rent I think but I know my sister wants him to save so he can get his own place so it is probably nominal rent. At the moment my brother in law is helping her with bills. For that reason I suggested she overpay her pension so she can rely less on his.

kangoora

I'll re-iterate what others are saying and she needs to get some advice from a professional.

Adding another slant to it which might provide some focus - House equity (£700k), his pension CETV (could easily be £700k or more), her pension (£???), their savings and ISA's etc - you could be talking about a financial total in excess of £2 MILLION which she has to agree to share in order for them both to be able to live for the rest of their lives.

You both need to take emotions out of this now and I appreciate it may be difficult. You/she needs to forget blame, who did what and why/when, all of those things - pretty much none have any bearing any more.

This is now a purely logical and financial transaction that needs to be fully understood and resolved in a 50/50 split (probably).

Why would your sister consider she is capable of understanding and dividing up £2,000,000 across a raft of different asset types in a fair and equitable manner?

Just my 2'pennorth

enthusiasticsaver

Thanks for the very helpful advice on this thread and the one I put up in marriage, relationships and families forum.

I have decided to copy the links given to me and the critical pieces of advice given and pass on to my sister and suggest she make an appointment with a professional who knows about divorce law. I will suggest she looks at the financial consent form E on the gov.uk site and sees what information she will need to provide. Anyone have any idea on the best way to find a divorce lawyer? Word of mouth presumably rather than a random internet search. Are there any questions she should ask like do they provide just an initial advice session for a fixed fee and allow them to do the financial consent form themselves? She should also get advice on their own particular circumstances and how the law would view it.

Before she goes though I am going to suggest she gets a rough idea of the worth of both her pension and her exes. I think they have a pretty good handle of what the house is worth. I will also mention savings to her and that they will all go into the pot, maybe her inheritance too. She knows that because their children are older the usual split starts from 50/50 but I think she knows that.

I will also suggest she speaks to my brother in law calmly and see where he is at and say she is considering her options and seeking professional advice as the gov.uk advice factsheet suggests.

Thanks for the useful replies.

atush

A daugher at Uni is still a dependant in full time education.

A one time consult with a solicitor will tell her how to have an amicalbe cheap divorce that he seeks. Which will still have to go thru the courts and they will want a CETV on her pension.

Once she has all the facts, she can tell him she wants to agree amicably, but will need x, y z (ie his pension CETV, her pension CETV and statements of his savings and investments- plus she can get an up to date valuation on the house). he will then have to produce the information required so they can attend mediation.

Basically, she needs her ducks in a row befroe talking to the bully.

lisyloo

Actually I was talking about the emotional aspects of it not the financial ones.

I agree it's very hard.
BUT this has been 2 years now and at some point she has to move on.
She's worried about her financial situation but frankly it's very good compared with the average woman.
She's angry and almost certainly feels a loss but at the same time it sounds like he wasn't up for husband of the year award and perhaps in the long term she will see that she might be better off out of the relationship?
I am also dealing with tough things like MIL's dimensia and FIL's heart and kidney failure and whilst it's not a competition the issues we're dealing with have no solution and no possibility of improvement. There is no reason why she can't enjoy the rest of her life in the fullness of time.

It's very tough and I totally sympathise and whilst a kick up the backside or "man up" isn't the right approach, I do feel that there comes a point where she needs to be encouraged to move on from a place where loss and anger are the main emotions.

We try to focus on the positive, for example we try to look at our "burdens" as a privilege as many people our age don't have elderly parents to care for.

Can only hope that's taken in the spirit it's intended x

Kaggs!

My husband signed the house over to his ex under the terms that she can’t touch his pensions

crv1963

Try having a read through some of the threads on this site, maybe register and post your own? It may help you learn a bit more?


http://www.terry.co.uk/uk_divorce_forum.html

atush

Kaggs! wrote: »

My husband signed the house over to his ex under the terms that she can’t touch his pensions

Which many women go for- not understanding they may be getting less than their fair share. They dont undertand pensions and what they are actually worth.

For instance, he could have a big DB pension worth 900K. And if the house is only worth 400K she was shortchanged. Esp when other savings and investments arent included.

Basically, you need a full CETV for all pensions, and an up to date valuation of a house and all other assests so that a split can be makde