Feel so sad, hopeless and trapped.

kisto

lynzpower wrote: »

Additionally, do the housing team know about your sons problems and your health needs? Were social services involved? Or any specific housing advice charities? I always recommended shelter to my clients, getting an advocate from there on board to write letters and flag your needs up cna possibly add some points and add weight to your case and push you up a bit.

Many thanks for your helpful advice lynz. I appreciate it.

The housing team don't actually know about my sons current problems (regarding suicide) - do you think it's worth letting them know? Social services are aware. My son is currently receiving support from the local Child Mental Health Service. I had a social services family support worker up until July. They've (SS) been very good at supporting my application for housing. It's because they contacted housing on my behalf in July, that my application started to get processed in the first place.

I contacted Shelter about a month ago to seek advice regarding actually getting the housing department to communicate with me! I feel guilty using a charities resources when there are people more desparate than I am (we used them when we were homeless and they're help was invaluable).
I am communicating with my local MP over the matter though...again it's only because I've involved him, that housing have finally written to me.

Anthillmob

i dont know if the occupational therapist at your local council may be able to help as well regarding your son. give them a ring. theyve been a great help to me regarding housing in the past.

good luck. x

mae

Quote **You could say I am depressed at the situation, but not in a clinical sense.

I've dealt with it, I've battled it and I will continue to strive to achieve the best for my family and I. My housing situation being part of that battle.

They deserve better. I will continue to strive and fight to get them the life they deserve.

As they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'll find strength from todays set back to resolve this situation (just like i have done every other difficulty I've encountered). ** Quote

All the above quotes are from the OP and I think they stand out as showing she has done alot of personal growth and is incredibly strong and resilient and knows her own mind.

It sounds like what are you saying is you are crying etc as you feel in a 'stuck' situation and you can't see a way forward or any hope of change. It sounds also like you are saying although you know your children sharing a room is not ideal if you could see a way out of it you would work towards it and make it happen but at the moment there seems no way for you to go.
You want so much for your children and I guess you are saying that the least they deserve is a room each to have their own privacy and space and as a parent I think you are right.

I am so sorry I have no practical advice but the reason for my post is to say you sound like you are a grounded, well rounded person who has a clear understanding of her emotions and I feel that when you have 'allowed' yourself this day of upset you will pick yourself up and keep trying and slogging away to get the result you want what ever that takes. And the biggest result you will get from all of your hard work is you will instill your morals, princilples and courage and hard work to change a bad situation, into your children.

Good luck

P.S The title of your thread said you felt 'hopeless' well from the sounds of your posts that last thing your sound is hopeless! You have come a very long way remember that.

bestpud

I feel for you, having been there myself - I went through the whole range of emotions at the time and know how gutting it is to get news like that when you are desperate for a house.

I think it is worth contacting anyone and everyone who has been or is involved with you or your children and asking for their support. The very worst thing that can happen is they won't be able to do anything but you won't have lost anything by trying.

Meanwhile, it's not ideal I know, but could you get a bed settee for you (in your living room) and let the children have a room each that way? I'm assuming you don't have a dining room?

Lotus-eater

I can't help and I am very sorry, but I send you love, useless I know, but I send it anyway. Keep strong for your kids and yourself.

kisto

Firstly thanks to mae and Lotus-eater. Your replies are very much appreciated.

Anthillmob wrote:

i dont know if the occupational therapist at your local council may be able to help as well regarding your son. give them a ring. theyve been a great help to me regarding housing in the past.

I didn't know about this, so thanks for highlighting it. I'll definitely look into it.

bestpud wrote: »

Meanwhile, it's not ideal I know, but could you get a bed settee for you (in your living room) and let the children have a room each that way? I'm assuming you don't have a dining room?

Thanks bestpud. I'm yet to hear back from my MP who would have received a copy of the letter I got today.

Unfortunately the ground floor of my house is kind of open plan. Living room with large archway leading to kitchen/diner. So whilst moving onto the sofa is an option I am seriously considering, it's far from ideal.
When my ex and I were together we did actually give the kids a room each and we slept on a sofa bed in the living room area. This worked out OK for about 3 months. Our house has paper thin walls..... our nasty neighbours got wind of the fact we were sleeping downstairs and would deliberately turn their stereo on first thing in the morning and blast music through the wall right next to where we were sleeping, bang doors and stamp up the stairs. This is only a very small insight into the harassment we have faced from them (...and yes police were involved)...but that's another story....and it's all detailed on my housing application.

elaine373

Have you tried all your local housing associations? Maybe you could look them up and give them a ring? Dont feel you are letting your kids down. They have you and you are doing your best, so they are not so bad off as you think. I know everything must seem such a struggle, but as you said there must be people worse off or you wouldnt be number 10 on the list. All the best, i hope you get rehoused soon.

diesel9181

i know you are concerned about your kids but in the long run they probably wont look back and be bothered they had to share a room. they wont have any resentment for it. i shared a room til i was 11 and never thought anything of it, even now i dont feel it was any hardship (i dont mean at all to offend you by saying that) i just mean dont upset yourself about your kids having to share a room. would you get extra points if you were to see a doctor and say how this situation is making you feel? im sure this is upsetting you more than it is the kids. i hope you get something sorted soon.

Savvy_Sue

lynz always gives good advice, and I'd add to it to say yes, you should make your local council aware of any additional information wrt your son, your mental health, anything really.

And as lynz said, 10th on the list is not so bad, although it doesn't mean that the 10th 3 bed house to come up will be yours ... someone with greater needs may pip you to the post once or twice, but equally the next 10 houses to come up may not be suitable or in the right area for the people above you on the list.

Definitely make sure you are on the list with any local housing associations, and also check the areas you've said you're prepared to live - if you can be flexible there's obviously more available.

kisto

Morning all,

Feeling better today. Thanks for all your messages of support.

diesel9181 wrote:

i know you are concerned about your kids but in the long run they probably wont look back and be bothered they had to share a room. they wont have any resentment for it. i shared a room til i was 11 and never thought anything of it, even now i dont feel it was any hardship (i dont mean at all to offend you by saying that) i just mean dont upset yourself about your kids having to share a room.

Thanks diesel, and you are right. It does bother me much more than it does the kids. They are usually very sensible about it and hardly ever complain. It does cause them bother when they need to get dressed - but they deal with it by one of them getting changed downstairs (not without a squabble over who first!!), or use my bedroom. Having their friends round can be difficult too (ds feels embarrassed about his mates seeing Bratz and Baby Annabel in his room!!!). Also my dd is very, very messy she has the ability to make the room look like a bombs hit it! This causes my ds much annoyance as he can never find anything. He's taken to putting anything that's precious to him on his bed.
I think it will start to cause many more issues in a couple years. So short term we can cope....long term...I'm definitely worried for them. I'd dearly love for them to have their own private space. They really only use the room to sleep in and as a dumping ground for their belongings.

I'm one of 4 and we lived in a 3 bed house. I had to share a room with my sister who's 10 years younger than me....but it's different sharing with a same sex sibling. In the end my parents turned their dining room into a bedroom so my older brother could have his own room. Then my sister and brother (12 years younger than me) shared until I left home at 16.

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

lynz always gives good advice, and I'd add to it to say yes, you should make your local council aware of any additional information wrt your son, your mental health, anything really.

It says in the letter I received that I can arrange a home visit to ensure that the assessment of points is accurate. I think I'll get all my evidence together and then arrange for them to come round. I guess I've got nothing to lose (well.....hopefully not points anyway!!!).

Definitely make sure you are on the list with any local housing associations, and also check the areas you've said you're prepared to live - if you can be flexible there's obviously more available.

When you apply for a house from the council the form automatically covers the housing associations too. The other problem I have with surrounding areas is, although I can drive, I don't own a car (just can't afford to). My kids are settled in school and moving them to another school is not an option. Public transport is pants so living in one of the surrounding villages would make us very isolated.

Well we're off to take part in the 'Big Draw' at our local arts centre. Should be loads of fun. :T