Feel so sad, hopeless and trapped.

kisto

This post might be more appropriate on the housing board (and I'm sure it will be moved there if that is the case). I thought I'd try here first though.

I'm looking for some support and any advice regarding my housing situation.

Last year when I separated from my ex I applied to go onto our local authority housing list. I have 2 children ds (11) and dd (8). I live in a privately rented 2 bedroom house. Thus, my children have to share a bedroom.
The rent is £490 and I receive full housing benefit....but the council only pay £440 (that is the maximum hb they will pay for any property in this area), so I need to pay a top up.

During the 12 months since my application to go on the housing list, I have only received 1 written communication from the council. Their communication has been poor and I've had to get my local MP involved, and write to the head of housing just to get any response out of them.

Today I finally received a response. Full of excuses (staff shortage) for their lack of communication. Anyway, I am devastated to find out that I'm approximately 10th on the waiting list for a 3 bed house. This basically means there is no hope of me getting a house.

I have a bad credit history, so private rent is difficult. My exFIL is my current guarantor. When I separated from my ex, he tried to pull out as a guarantor but was informed he's legally obliged. There is noone else who could be my guarantor.
3 bed private rents cost at a minimum £550 (the cheapest in the paper yesterday was £600). Housing benefit only pay a max of £440 meaning I'd need to top up the rent by at least £110.....money I just don't have. Plus I'd need to find a deposit and first months rent. I couldn't even scrape together an extra £100, let alone £1000. I've already had a rent arrears/in advance loan for £900 when I took the tenancy over (from my ex) on this place.

I now feel totally trapped. The only solution I can see is to sleep on the sofa and let one of the kids have my room, or I share a room with my dd.
I guess I should just be grateful that we have a roof over our head. We were homeless (living in a B&B) before we took this house (3 years ago), so I know it could be worse....we've been there.

I've just spent all morning crying my eyes out. The situation seems hopeless and impossible. I so desparately want better for my kids, yet I feel totally powerless.

pinkshoes

I can't help on suggestions for the council housing situation, although isn't there an age limit where they suggest a boy and girl can't share a room any more, thus you would go up the list??

In the mean time, can you not separate the largest room (i.e. wardrobe in middle, or curtain or some sort) to try and make it feel more like 2 rooms so that one side can be girly, and the other for a boy?

Could you not get a 2 bed council house? It's not perfect, but surely that would save you money and having to find the extra rent each month? My college has 3 children (2 boys and a girl) and only gets a 2 bedroom council house!!

Margaret54

So sorry love to hear of your circumstances, i really do feel for you. I have nothing to offer in this posting , i wish i did, but please know someone is thinking about you and your children, and i hope things soon change for you all. Keep your chin up, difficult as it all must be. Best wishes xx

full-time-mum

kisto wrote: »

I've just spent all morning crying my eyes out. The situation seems hopeless and impossible. I so desparately want better for my kids, yet I feel totally powerless.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so miserable. Its hard enough bring up children as a couple so it must be a struggle when you are on your own. 11 and 8 year olds can be very difficult can't they.

Have you talked to your GP about how you are feeling? If you have been feeling this low for sometime, maybe you could use some counselling or anti-depressants. Don't rule them out on principle. I, like a lot of people, felt very uncomfortable at taking them but they really did help me to get me head straight and they aren't addictive.

Anthillmob

i believe the age when a child has to have their own room if of a different sex is 12. however dont hold your breath. a woman i know has 4 kids ranging from 1 to 15. the eldest is a girl and she has two boys and another girl. she lives in a 2 bed council flat and has been on the list for years.

were currently waiting to be rehoused by the council. come december there will be 4 of us in a one bed.

if you are having trouble meeting the shortfall in your rent have you applied to the HB section for a discretionary housing payment? might be worth a go. cant guarantee youll get one though.

nzmegs

We also have two children (boy and girl) and although we own our two bed house we can't afford to move either. the jump in house value form 2 to 3 bed is too much for us right now. So I can sympathise.
What we have done though is build a partition wall to split the room into two small rooms. We painted them in pink and blue and the kids sleep in high sleepers so they have enough floor space. Each room is just about bis enough for the bed with a little walk around space but they love having the room to call there own.
My husband and I sleep in the small bedroom which is ok for us.
I know you rent but i am sure you could do as others have said and put up some sort of divider. A shelving unit would do.
When i was a child and my parents split we lived in a two bed place too. My mum and I shared a room and my brother had his own room. Doing this pushed us further up the waiting list as it was considered wrong for a child to have to sleep with a parent.
it might help.

foreversomeday

Can't think of anything to suggest other than please look on the bright side, remember when you were in B&B, this has to be better than that. And 2 children sharing a room isn't so bad, agreed it's not ideal as they're different sexes but it'll be a good few years before they start having boyfriends/girlfriends etc. You could share with your daughter, or get a sofa bed to make the living room into a bedroom, but I think the easiest thing to do would be to make the room into two halves.

There was a post a while ago about this... Let me find it.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=511803

kisto

Thank you everyone. Feeling a bit better. Got to pick the kids up from school shortly so trying to pull myself together.

pinkshoes wrote: »

In the mean time, can you not separate the largest room (i.e. wardrobe in middle, or curtain or some sort) to try and make it feel more like 2 rooms so that one side can be girly, and the other for a boy?

The kids have the largest room. We tried as you have suggested (with shelves down the middle) but the room was so cramped you could only just walk round the beds. Very quickly the room became messy and it just wasn't a comfortable environment. They have bunk beds at the moment and quite a bit of floor space to play in. I am in the smallest room with a kingsize bed and that's it (no room for anything else). My clothes live in a suitcase under the bed.

full-time-mum wrote:

Have you talked to your GP about how you are feeling? If you have been feeling this low for sometime, maybe you could use some counselling or anti-depressants. Don't rule them out on principle. I, like a lot of people, felt very uncomfortable at taking them but they really did help me to get me head straight and they aren't addictive.

Thanks for this advice. I came off anti depressants in March having battled severe depression for 2(+) years. I'm still under the care of the adult Mental Health team. I'm not depressed now (I'm on the whole a very happy contented individual)....just incredibly distraught about this situation today (after receiving the letter). I feel like I've let my kids down. It's not nice feeling unable to do anything about the housing.

Anthillmob wrote:

i believe the age when a child has to have their own room if of a different sex is 12. however dont hold your breath. a woman i know has 4 kids ranging from 1 to 15. the eldest is a girl and she has two boys and another girl. she lives in a 2 bed council flat and has been on the list for years.

were currently waiting to be rehoused by the council. come december there will be 4 of us in a one bed.

if you are having trouble meeting the shortfall in your rent have you applied to the HB section for a discretionary housing payment? might be worth a go. cant guarantee youll get one though.

I've managed to console myself with the fact that, if I'm 10th on the list, there must be people in a worse, more deserving situation than me.

I've asked for a discretionary housing payment (several times), and been turned down.

......What I need is a rich husband that owns a mansion......Robbie Williams would do nicely

bobblebot

Hi there,
I know you're feeling down at the moment and I think it is th edepression that is getting you donw more than the catual situation. Things are what you make it. I know how it feells to be overcrowded, I've been living in a 2 bed aprtment with 4 kids 2 girls and 2 boys. This has been the worst year of my life, divorce, death in family, bankrupcy, house repossession...nowhere to live..no job...no0 money etc but you just have to get on with it hun. Things do get better...you do only have 2 kids in a 2 bed flat and there are things you can do with it while you wait.
I couldn't get onto the housing register as had to be homeless first and I culd not would not do that to my kids and being 7 moth pregnant could not do it to myself. I could not get a agency rental as bankrupt so I looked for a private rental but needed to get a job...I had been for interviews but being obviously preggers no luck...then I found a home working job in IT 20 hours great. I have now found a 3 bed house in a wonderful area near schools £695 a month-I doubt HB will pay all this but will get something and I am prepared to make up rest. It is still only 3 beds so means 2 teenage boys sharing and 2 girls 11 & 14 sharing the box room. The baby will have to be in my room, so yes I am still cramped but it is better than my old situation.
You do have options 2 kids whatever age and sex in 1 bed is not actually that bed in victorian times there were likley to be 5 in one room of all ages and sexes or give them your room and divide. Or if you really need 3 beds then a) get some pT work and make up the difference in rent and get a private rental or b) if on IS ring up private rentals and explain situation and tell them that you will get HB paid direct to them-landlords only dont like it when you get it paid in your account as if HB cocks up they will lose out.
Sorry if I sound harsh but I've been to hell and back this year and yes been on anti-depressents but I believe I have come through it because 1-I have to nobody else will do it for you and b) You have to make the best of what you have and keep on striving. P.s and all I've been through whilst pregnant and my BF being a total d*ck and so doing it all on my own-so hun just think things could really be much worse.
Good luck

kisto

bobblebot wrote: »

Hi there,
I know you're feeling down at the moment and I think it is th edepression that is getting you donw more than the catual situation.

It's actually the other way round. I'm most definitely not depressed. Having previously reached lows resulting in an ambulance ride to see psychiatric crisis team, I am 100% confident that I'm not depressed now. You could say I am depressed at the situation, but not in a clinical sense. My distress today has resulted from the devastating blow of receiving the letter from the council. I've fought for a year just to even get them to acknowledge my application.

Having been homeless previously I am well aware of the shortage of housing. Thus, I knew I wouldn't be likely to get a house imminently. However I did think there would be some hope of getting a house in the next few years. Being 10th on the waiting lists means I am very unlikely to get a house at all. I had not anticipated this and it has set me back, hence feeling so hopeless today.

Things are what you make it. I know how it feells to be overcrowded, I've been living in a 2 bed aprtment with 4 kids 2 girls and 2 boys. This has been the worst year of my life, divorce, death in family, bankrupcy, house repossession...nowhere to live..no job...no0 money etc but you just have to get on with it hun. Things do get better...you do only have 2 kids in a 2 bed flat and there are things you can do with it while you wait.

I am also well aware that there are people in a worse situation than me. I've had a rough 3 years - domestic violence, ex using drugs, homelessness, poverty, a business failing, debt, depression, awful neighbours, divorce, 10 year old son threatening suicide.........I've dealt with it, I've battled it and I will continue to strive to achieve the best for my family and I. My housing situation being part of that battle.

However regarding your post (which I feel is a little heartless) using this DFW forum as an example, if someone has £25K of debt, someone turning round and saying "Oh well never mind, I've got £60K of debt" isn't particularly helpful.
I *know* there are people worse off than me. I'm not looking for pity or sympathy. I'm really just hoping for some support, ideas and advice to help me work my way out of this situation.

You do have options 2 kids whatever age and sex in 1 bed is not actually that bed in victorian times there were likley to be 5 in one room of all ages and sexes or give them your room and divide.

Didn't children have to also clean chimneys in Victorian times? Unfortunately this comment doesn't help me console my children whilst they struggle with the difficulties that sharing a room creates. It doesn't help me create a plan to get us out of this situation. We're not in Victorian times now and it's foolish to compare today with then.

Or if you really need 3 beds then a) get some pT work and make up the difference in rent

How I'd love to be working right now. I wouldn't be in this situation. I've had 3 temporary teaching assistant contracts this year so I'm not adverse to working. I'm actively seeking work but I can't apply for non existent positions.

1-I have to nobody else will do it for you and b) You have to make the best of what you have and keep on striving.

Having pretty much being self sufficient with money since I could start a paper round at 11 years old, I most certainly don't think or want anyone else to do it for me. I joined the army at 16 to do my bit, pay my way and be independent. It's only now that I am now a single mum that employment has been difficult.

I am still incredibly sad for my children. They deserve better. I will continue to strive and fight to get them the life they deserve. As they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'll find strength from todays set back to resolve this situation (just like i have done every other difficulty I've encountered).

I welcome any helpful suggestions, advice and support.

lynzpower

I have worked in social services nad many of my clients were in the same situation that you find yourself. It is INCREDIBLY frustrating.

I would say tho, that 10th on the list isnt that bad. I know its not helpful to say this overly but I had a client who was 287th of something on the list and she got a flat within 6 months. I did push the council a bit on her behalf tho.

I know this sounds terribly macabre, but more council properties do become available over the winter, as some of the older members of communities either pass away or move in with family/ care homes. It may well be ( and obvc I dont know what LA you are in) that after winter you may find accomodation being offered. Dont know about you but I tihnk this year has flown by, so with a touch of luck something should pop up.

Additionally, do the housing team know about your sons problems and your health needs? Were social services involved? Or any specific housing advice charities? I always recommended shelter to my clients, getting an advocate from there on board to write letters and flag your needs up cna possibly add some points and add weight to your case and push you up a bit.

Chin up, 10th isnt so bad, it would only be 7 older people vacating and 3 moving up/ out of borough and you are in!

PLease stay positive, you need every ounce of ooomph to get into the housing youll need, it IS frustrating, but try to smile through it, otherwise it will crush you!

Love
lynz
x