I've mucked up. Really badly.

StokieBecks

If you have lost the card it needs cancelling. Have you checked all of your statements from Amex to check that all the spends on the card are yours? Is it possible the partner has taken the card as he suspected you were spending big on it.

Well done for coming on here and posting. 10k is a Massive spend in a few months. Do you have anything of substance to show for it? Obviously you know it needs addressing and hopefully you can get the support to do that.

Priorities are make sure all your priority debts are paid and up to date and continue to be so (rent/mortgage council tax, utilities)

Are you still on a DMP with Payplan? How did you get further credit let alone 10k worth on one card? If you are still with Payplan as per your previous SOA you need to get in the phone to them and get this addressed today, go through everybody of your budget with a fine-toothed comb, find anything where you can make savings, sell items you have bought if they are usable, ring any services you have signed up for and see what the cancellation policy is.

I am guessing that some of this has also been accrued by a revisit to your gambling past? If so find a way to block all your gambling accounts and seek help for this as well

ohbumstoitall

StokieBecks wrote: »

If you have lost the card it needs cancelling. Have you checked all of your statements from Amex to check that all the spends on the card are yours? Is it possible the partner has taken the card as he suspected you were spending big on it.

Well done for coming on here and posting. 10k is a Massive spend in a few months. Do you have anything of substance to show for it? Obviously you know it needs addressing and hopefully you can get the support to do that.

Priorities are make sure all your priority debts are paid and up to date and continue to be so (rent/mortgage council tax, utilities)

Are you still on a DMP with Payplan? How did you get further credit let alone 10k worth on one card? If you are still with Payplan as per your previous SOA you need to get in the phone to them and get this addressed today, go through everybody of your budget with a fine-toothed comb, find anything where you can make savings, sell items you have bought if they are usable, ring any services you have signed up for and see what the cancellation policy is.

I am guessing that some of this has also been accrued by a revisit to your gambling past? If so find a way to block all your gambling accounts and seek help for this as well

A new iphone
A Nintendo Switch
An Amazon Echo
A shed load of makeup
New straighteners
I already have a hairdryer but I bought a travel hair dryer
1 second hand Ralph Lauren Handbag
A couple of other not as expensive handbags
A new £90 a handbag
A second screen for my computer
Computer stuff
Batteries for my camera.
New tripod
A £50 voice recorder for university
A floor steam mop.
A waffle maker
A holdall
A £90 dress to wear at the christmas party
Another dress I didn't wear
Shoes I didn't wear to the party
A £140 haircut and colour
More makeup (bearing in mind palettes can cost £40 EACH upwards)
Christmas Presents
A salt and pepper mill, which arrived and I discovered that I already had some.
silicone egg rings
university books (finally something I can justify)
a laminator (YES A LAMINATOR)
a food diary
perfume
travel bottles so I can decant shampoo when I go down to London. I haven't decanted a ruddy thing
a laundry bag to go in my suitcase for when I travel
Another fire TV stick to replace the one upstairs which I haven't actually done yet
£300 spent on the scratch on my lease car bonnet
£160 spent on a dash cam to make sure i catch anyone who does it again.
£70 on a microphone
£20 on pet groomer clippers but the dog runs away every time I try to get her with them
Expensive korean skincare
a travel mirror I've decided is too heavy
egyptian magic face cream
oh I bought two new shelves for the oven which was something like £50 and I also bought a grill pan to go into the oven but thats currently on top of the freezer

These are the things I can list off the top of my head. It just never ends.

Silver_Queen

You can sell at least 80% of the things you've listed above, or otherwise return them. Depop is a good one for cosmetics. Vinted, Carousell, eBay. Return anything that you are able to return. There's no use feeling sorry for yourself, just take action instead.

StokieBecks

New phone - are you in a contract? If you have an old phone recycle it with one of the companies (or if old phone is still usable recycle/sell the newer iPhone to recoup a bit more)

Clothes and bags are probably very sellable on eBay, especially if brand new and never worn. I am guessing the returns period has passed to send them back

Anything you can sell will all help if you can pay if off the credit card. Just remember if you are using eBay to save the amount you will need to pay in fees. Maybe try Facebook selling pages etc (local ones)

You need to sit down and talk to partner truthfully., Work out all your priority outgoings first and foremost, with whatever is left work out a budget. If you do not have enough wriggle room to meet all your minimum payments, speak to one of the free debt charities and get the ball rolling ...they will help you decide your best options.

Hopefully your counselling will also help you start to address the reasons you spend. This is far too complex to get into on the forum just know in yourself that you have to try and work it out and work out how to stop.

It may be a long journey but you can work through this but you are going to have to be honest with your partner as something that you need to work through together. You need to be on the same page regards spending and budgeting.

Pixie5740

There's not much wiggle room in your SOA if it hasn't changed much other than the amount of debt you have has increased. Have you tried completing Step Change's https://www.stepchange.org/Debtremedy.aspx to find out what options might be available to you?

I know you've said that you can't have a CCJ or go bankrupt but is that actually in your employment contract? Even if it is then a CCJ or insolvency won't automatically lead to your dismissal as the list of professions which are closed to undischarged bankrupts is quite short.

https://www.stepchange.org/debt-info/bankruptcy-and-my-job.aspx

D_M_E

If you are doing a lot of the online shopping at home, log in to your internet router and see if the settings will allow you to block access to any of the shopping websites you use - if you cannot access them then you are less likely to spend.

If you don't know how to do this then post in the Techie forum and ask there - you will need the make and model of your router but do not post details of passwords etc.

Also, once you have access to the router it's a good idea to change the admin password.

kazwookie

Get selling..........

£10K is a big heap of items, how on earth has your OH not asked what is going on and where all this stuff is coming from??

Get selling, ebay facebook pages etc.

Fireflyaway

Do you need to protect your credit score? Reason i ask is you might be better admitting that you can't pay off this card and entering into an installment plan with the credit card provider. Be careful though, consider it fully. It will reduce your credit score. If you are planning on a mortgage etc. Your husband will probably find out and you might well feel terrible for preventing you both buying. However, if you don't plan on that, I'd probably go into an arrangement to give you breathing space.
Definitely identify why you do this. I've been on spending sprees when I've just got sick of having no money. Working and having nothing to show for it. Things will improve though. No reason your income can't improve and childcare will stop one day.
Write a plan and stick to it. You will get past this.

ohbumstoitall

Silver_Queen wrote: »

You can sell at least 80% of the things you've listed above, or otherwise return them. Depop is a good one for cosmetics. Vinted, Carousell, eBay. Return anything that you are able to return. There's no use feeling sorry for yourself, just take action instead.

Not heard of Depop, I'll check it out. I've got a load of toiletries as well, mini versions of expensive ones that I was given so I'll have a look at that.
I'm not sure how amazon would feel about me returning a load of items, especially as they aren't in the boxes. And I can see the return periods have closed on most of them. I'll have to see what I can do with ebay and other sites.

StokieBecks wrote: »

New phone - are you in a contract? If you have an old phone recycle it with one of the companies (or if old phone is still usable recycle/sell the newer iPhone to recoup a bit more)

Clothes and bags are probably very sellable on eBay, especially if brand new and never worn. I am guessing the returns period has passed to send them back

Anything you can sell will all help if you can pay if off the credit card. Just remember if you are using eBay to save the amount you will need to pay in fees. Maybe try Facebook selling pages etc (local ones)

You need to sit down and talk to partner truthfully., Work out all your priority outgoings first and foremost, with whatever is left work out a budget. If you do not have enough wriggle room to meet all your minimum payments, speak to one of the free debt charities and get the ball rolling ...they will help you decide your best options.

Hopefully your counselling will also help you start to address the reasons you spend. This is far too complex to get into on the forum just know in yourself that you have to try and work it out and work out how to stop.

It may be a long journey but you can work through this but you are going to have to be honest with your partner as something that you need to work through together. You need to be on the same page regards spending and budgeting.

Not on contract, I bought our phones because it would "save money" not being in contract. Except....both are on an interest bearing card. So....idiot (me)

I do have boxes and boxes of clothes in the cupboards. I've accumulated them over the years, they're all new and have labels on. I have about 10 bin bags full I think. So I better get started with those.

I'm trying to avoid the debt charities as I've had to use them before and the defaults cleared last year. Obviously at the end of the day it's just money but I really don't want to default on the Amex card as they will slap me with a CCJ straight away at 10k. I also really really don't want to talk to my OH about it. Partly for selfish reasons and partly because he's in the middle of his dissertation. He gets upset when we do talk about it as he went to university because I said we could afford to whereas in reality its one of the reasons we're in more debt.

Pixie5740 wrote: »

There's not much wiggle room in your SOA if it hasn't changed much other than the amount of debt you have has increased. Have you tried completing Step Change's https://www.stepchange.org/Debtremedy.aspx to find out what options might be available to you?

I know you've said that you can't have a CCJ or go bankrupt but is that actually in your employment contract? Even if it is then a CCJ or insolvency won't automatically lead to your dismissal as the list of professions which are closed to undischarged bankrupts is quite short.

https://www.stepchange.org/debt-info/bankruptcy-and-my-job.aspx

Yes it is, and the nature of the work I do means if I want to stay on this career path I need to avoid bankruptcy, CCJ I guess wouldn't be the end of the world however.


I do feel a bit better, I have a long road ahead of me etc but I feel like a bit of the weight has lifted by sharing. I'm going to do my SOA again in a minute or two.

ohbumstoitall

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Do you need to protect your credit score? Reason i ask is you might be better admitting that you can't pay off this card and entering into an installment plan with the credit card provider. Be careful though, consider it fully. It will reduce your credit score. If you are planning on a mortgage etc. Your husband will probably find out and you might well feel terrible for preventing you both buying. However, if you don't plan on that, I'd probably go into an arrangement to give you breathing space.
Definitely identify why you do this. I've been on spending sprees when I've just got sick of having no money. Working and having nothing to show for it. Things will improve though. No reason your income can't improve and childcare will stop one day.
Write a plan and stick to it. You will get past this.

I think what I am going to do is first get on ebay, I have a lot of clutter that is not needed and walk in cupboards full of things. I can manage the payments for the rest of the debt it's this Amex that's the issue (well everything's the issue but compartmentalizing). I have a few thing I think I can return to amazon and asos, the rest I'll sell. Even the hairdryer I bought last month. Ugh. I'm such an idiot!!!