I've mucked up. Really badly.

ohbumstoitall

Mostly_Zen wrote: »

Hi OhBumsToItAll,

I read what has been going on in your life and registered an account so I could reply. The reason I registered was, you talked about having "episodes" where you spend an awful lot of money in your first post. I work as a psychologist, and was wondering what else happens during these episodes?

Do you have times when your mood is really high (feeling really great and overconfident?) do you barely need to sleep at these times? Are these the same times when you spend excessively? If so, there is a possibility you might be experiencing some form of bipolar difficulty. Its really worth going to your GP and getting referred for an assessment if you think this sounds like the problems you are having.

These kinds of things can be scary to face up to, but if you are able to, you might be able to get some help to address the root cause of the problem as well as either some psychotherapy, or medicine, or a combination of the two. Of course, you may not be bipolar at all - I have never met you and diagnosing over the internet is not wise - although it does sound like it could be.

In any case, I would follow the advise of the others also:

1) Cut up all the credit cards and bin the pieces
2) Delete any apps you can spend with, and remove CC information from your browser and phone
3) See how many of the things you have bought recently you can return? Some things can be returned within 21 days - you could potentially get £100s back this way. My wife returns things like clothes she has bought online fairly often.
4) Only once you have checked all the things you can return should you consider selling things
5) Get a cheaper dog walker
6) Make sure you make the minimum payments
7) Hurl as much cash as you can at the highest interest card first
8) As each card is paid - CLOSE THE CREDIT CARD DOWN
9) If needed, consider balance transfers from high interest to 0% - this is going to take a while
10) If two cards are at 0%, consider paying the smallest debt first, for the psychological boost - this will help you to keep going

Finally, try to be kind to yourself - we are all imperfect, and this world is hard enough without us being down on ourselves. Eventually, when you feel comfortable and able to do so, consider telling your husband what has happened. He needs to understand about whatever emotional difficulties you are facing that are leading to so much spending and debt, and if he loves you, which I'm sure he does, he will surely understand.

Good luck!

Thank you for your reply, I've been referred 3 x times. Firstly it was at the primary mental health service in Leeds but the psych decided maybe borderline personality disorder (not definitive) and i had no fixed identity. I then had support throughout my pregnancy. I was then referred when my son was little and no outcome. I then was referred again a couple of years ago and met with the director of a the mental health service in my town who said I was very together and showed no signs of anything wrong apart from anger issues.

So..... who knows.

ohbumstoitall

Candyapple wrote: »

Have you tried doing this yet?

Just make sure that if you do get any increases and transfer over the Amex balance that in turn you contact Amex and ask them to reduce your limit just so that you don't get tempted to spend what you have saved. The aim of this exercise is to move as much of your interest bearing debt onto a 0% deal.

I should really log on and decrease my limit (its 13k) but a voice in the back of my head tells me i might need it one day even though i know thats not true

motivated

ohbumstoitall wrote: »

I should really log on and decrease my limit (its 13k) but a voice in the back of my head tells me i might need it one day even though i know thats not true

Hi ohbumstoitall (Love the username)

I understand your worries about the unused credit you have. I was in the same boat last year. I kept thinking the same as you and was balance transferring thinking I was doing ok. I clearly wasn't and was making things worse. Then I finally bit the bullet and decreased them to take away the temptation. I've not looked back and don't miss my CCs one bit.

I now know how to live within my means and it took me years to get my head round it too. Now I budget, budget and budget some more.

Good luck
M

gemini12

If I can put my 2 pennorth in . It might be worth seeing if doggy daycare is available and the cost of it or a cheaper dog walker as that sounds very high to me though it depends where you live. Do you get your kibble from an online place which are frequently cheaper than shops and some offer a discount if you buy regularly. Do you use a cash back site if you buy dog food on line.

ohbumstoitall

gemini12 wrote: »

If I can put my 2 pennorth in . It might be worth seeing if doggy daycare is available and the cost of it or a cheaper dog walker as that sounds very high to me though it depends where you live. Do you get your kibble from an online place which are frequently cheaper than shops and some offer a discount if you buy regularly. Do you use a cash back site if you buy dog food on line.

Doggy Daycare is £18 a dog near us. There is a cheaper one but it's at the opposite end of town and traffic is pretty awful where I live so it's not practical and impossible to get my son to school and to work. So the dog walker worked out cheaper.

I get the dog food direct from the supplier. if I buy 3 bags at once (£120) then I get a discount but can't remember what it is. It takes them quite a long time to go through it, you give them a smaller amount than other dog food but it's still about £1.80 to feed two dogs per day.

phizzimum

ohbumstoitall wrote: »

I should really log on and decrease my limit (its 13k) but a voice in the back of my head tells me i might need it one day even though i know thats not true

Try and view the credit limit as it actually is, not the way the marketing team would have you view it.

“Credit” sounds positive but in reality it’s potential debt (which as you know means stress, regret, anxiety, not being able buy your own home)

So do you want to log in and reduce your potential debt? Or do you still feel that you might want to increase your stress in the future? The credit companies hope that you will, as it means your hard earned wages will be nice fat bonuses for their executives. You can be in control of your money, not them!

LavenderBee

Hi ohbumstoitall


Hope you don't mind my chipping in; I've had debt too (and yes, some that hubby didn't know about too at one point...). I still read these boards.


Anyway, with your dog food, I do understand where you're coming from with the high quality food. I have an elderly Springer (and a cat with dietary needs) and the dog thrives on having better quality food, she has James Wellbeloved. I use Zooplus which someone else recommended too (it's the only place I can find suitable cat food, and it's cheaper than the next nearest thing too). They do have a wide range of grain free foods, including some that look similar to Akela, they're all here http://www.zooplus.co.uk/shop/dogs/dog_health/grain_free_food#Dry_Food and quite a few brands also do trial packs. TopCashback offer cashback on purchases for existing customers too, delivery is free over £29 and you collect loyalty points which can be swapped for products (I save mine up and get Lily's Kitchen biscuits and treats twice a year for free). I would say I save about £20 a month feeding the pets using them. It was worth a bit of research to find something suitable.


I've just realised I sound like a salesman but if I add up the difference over the year, it's substantial.


Best of luck

ohbumstoitall

Sorry, this is rather long:

Budget monthly for March 2018 to August 2018

Parking for University: £30 Adhoc but max amount needed
Dog Walker: £88
Cleaner: £66
Work Social Club: £10 Will think about cancelling this
Mobile Phone : £27 Checked and our contracts expire in May
TV Licence: £13
Pet Insurance and Healthcare plan for two dogs: £82 I!!!8217;m going to keep the healthcare plan for now as they are young, but in a year when they!!!8217;ve been spayed I will get rid of it and worm them myself.
Rent: £600
Gas and Electric: £98 This should go down in a couple of months, I!!!8217;m going to ask them to readjust it because of the summer. I!!!8217;m also going to start shutting the living room door to keep dogs warm and not having the heating on at night.
Water: £35
Virgin Media Fibre: £28
Pet Food: £50 Will monitor the cost over the next few months and look at changing if I find an alternative that's good quality.
Childcare: £60
Car Maintenance and Tax: £30
Car Insurance £25 Renewal is 24th March (I thought it was September). Not sure whether to go with cheapest or pay more for a good insurer?
Home Maintenance: £25
Home Insurance: £8. We rent, so no buildings. I've just renewed and got it down to £8 a month. No accidental cover as the excess is £250 and most things I could replace for less than that apart from my Macbook or the Tv. But I could probably repair the macbook for £250 and just buy a cheap tv. I did once spill a tin of paint on the carpet but the carpet cleaner got that up. I've paid upfront today but need to pay myself back
Medical £20 I have signed up for a prescription certificate, not reducing the budget amount as it can cover adhoc and dental
Clothing £20
Gifts £10
Giving £2 RSPCA; Cancelled
Stuff I forgot to budget for £50
Debt payments £1017.5
Spotify £4.99 Keeping this for now.
Student expenses £110 (Myself, OH and my son)
Food and Fuel: £400

Total £2907.49

I've done some maths covering to the end of August 2018. i've worked out that I have a £3048.18 deficit by the end of August which basically equates to one months bills.

This includes money currently in our accounts, money due to go out, and money guaranteed to come in (exc loss of job etc). I have not included any of my bonuses, or the salary increase in April because if I don't have a payslip in front of me telling me whats going into my account then as far as I am concerned I don't have it. I don't even know what I'm getting this month.
.
16/02/18 debt balance

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
HSBC...........................6500......162.5.....0
Family Loan....................5950......130.......0
OH DMP.........................9883.17...105.......0
BC 1 06/18.....................2034.16...45........0
Halifax Card 03/19.............2449.94...28........0
Amex...........................11248.....375.......19.9
TSB............................0.........0.........0
Tesco .........................596.86....25........0
BC2............................1210.3....35........0
FD Loan........................2577.77...112.......16
Total unsecured debts..........42450.2...1017.5....-

I've transferred from the HSBC to the TSB card as the TSB's 0% period was about to run out.

I have just checked the TSB card and I have a 0% offer for 12 months with a 3% fee.

So I;m guessing I should transfer it to the Amex, so I have asked for a replacement card (I will cut it up once writing the card number down. I do have a 2k BarclayCard expiring in June to deal with as well.

So what order to do the below:

£2034.16 BarclayCard expiring June 2018 because if this gets paid off, I will get a offer on it to transfer to the amex. Not sure how to do this, I could sell on ebay and save it to pay this off, but by that point I'd have paid so much in interest on the amex that it would negate the interest.

£3048.18 deficit I;ve put this as secondary(?) because I fully anticipate to clear quite a bit of it with bonuses but it;s not guaranteed and in 3 months I can reevaluate

11248 Amex to pay off. so if a payment is £375, the interest is about £200

Budget items I will try to reduce
Work Social Club: £10 Will think about cancelling this
Mobile Phone : £27 May 2018
Gas and Electric: £98
Gifts £10 I have presents already for quite a few people BUT it;s my sons 7th birthday in August.
Stuff I forgot to budget for £50 Try not to forget things
Debt payments £1017.5 The more I pay off the better! I know usually we say don;t reduce your debt payments but this huge amount is why I have such a large deficit. The less I have on the amex, the smaller this amount will be.
Student expenses £110 (Myself, OH and my son) I will try to reduce this to £60 (ie not spend anything for my stuff)
Food and Fuel: £400 I have a Costco voucher for £257. I have no room to stock up at the moment so once I have completely decluttered I will set about stockpiling. But will make sure what I get isn;t cheaper elsewhere!!!!

chelseablue

The £35 a month water are you on a meter?

If not on a meter could you have one put in?

My old address we had to pay water rates which was £44 a month for a 2 bed flat, now live in a 3 bed semi detached house and pay £17 a month with a meter

ohbumstoitall

chelseablue wrote: »

The £35 a month water are you on a meter?

If not on a meter could you have one put in?

My old address we had to pay water rates which was £44 a month for a 2 bed flat, now live in a 3 bed semi detached house and pay £17 a month with a meter

We're on a meter.
We have dishwasher and two dogs so use a fair amount of water. The washing machines on every day, it';s unbelievable the amount of clothes we go through. We're not wasteful with washing clothes - we just genuinely have to wash our clothes a lot! The dogs get me covered in dirt every day so everything's straight in the wash.