Grandparent fostering a grandchild?

GwylimT

Pollycat wrote: »

OK then.
As you seem keen to be pedantic, neither you nor Fbaby mentioned contraception (although I may have missed it).
So why would you ask if I used contraception?

I'm not being pedantic, FBaby implied that men need take no responsibility for their children, you then for some reason quoted my posts to show a lack of evidence for this, despite me not being FBaby.

I asked if you used contraception as I directly replied to Fbaby who doesn't think men need either use it or take responsibility for any pregnancy. I pointed out that if you don't want children in that situation you simply don't have sex. I assumed you were sensible and took responsibility, unlike FBaby who approves of men doing a runner because they can't be bothered to use contraception.

Pollycat

GwylimT wrote: »

I'm not being pedantic, FBaby implied that men need take no responsibility for their children, you then for some reason quoted my posts to show a lack of evidence for this, despite me not being FBaby.

I asked if you used contraception as I directly replied to Fbaby who doesn't think men need either use it or take responsibility for any pregnancy. I pointed out that if you don't want children in that situation you simply don't have sex. I assumed you were sensible and took responsibility, unlike FBaby who approves of men doing a runner because they can't be bothered to use contraception.

Is that what FBaby actually believed?
You used 'implied'.

GwylimT

Pollycat wrote: »

Is that what FBaby actually believed?
You used 'implied'.

FBaby quite clearly said that fathers don't intentionally become fathers and their parenthood is only occuring due to engineered pregnancies caused by a lack of contraception on the mothers part. So FBaby is clearly implying that men don't have to accept responaibility or use contraception.

esmy

FBaby wrote: »

I would claim the same benefits than parents do, tax credits etc... I have no issue with this, I have an issue with the fact that foster parents can claim these benefits in addition to the extra funding that comes from fostering.

.

This is not correct. If you are a foster carer you cannot claim child related benefits for that child.

FBaby

Ok, no point going any further with this especially when I'm being quoted saying things I certainly didn't say!

My point was only from a financial perspective and gaining financially from opting to take the 'foster parent' route. That's because I remember a post on the debt forum from a grand parent who was claiming both WTC and foster payments and her benefit income was massive. This poster was overpaying her mortgage with that income because she'd been on interest only for years and was at risk of losing her house.

There was also a discussion on another forum with grand-parents being advised to take the foster parent route rather because you can still claim WTC this way and they would be much better off than just claiming child tax credits.

I do have great admiration from any grandparent who take on that role, however, I stand to my position that trying to maximise benefits by considering oneself a foster parent rather than a grand parent quite disheartening. My view and position!

Robisere

FBaby wrote: »

I agree with the sentiment that 'fostering' your own grandchildren is a really sad concept and I can't imagine what kids must feel like when they feel that they are not only not good enough for their parents, but can only live with their grandparents if they act like foster parents. It sounds like the only reason to have gone down that route is to maximise finances, as otherwise, they could have just claimed CB and tax credits, so if that is indeed the reasoning behind it, then I think the system has gone completely mad.

You are absolutely and totally wrong on all counts. Did you read my post?
*NOT a 'sad concept': we loved (and still love) our grandchildren and we have lots of memories, with lots of photos of happy times together. There was no choice - either we took them, or they would have been adopted, probably split up at 2 and 4 years old and living miles apart. They love us back: atm we are both in our early 70's and disabled. They are an (unasked for) enormous help to both of us and visit all the time. "Can we do anything for you?"
*Children feeling not good enough for their parents? Rubbish! If you read my post, you would know that in the case of their mother, the opposite was true.
*Maximise finances? You have no idea! It took us months to get Child Benefit, long after our ds had taken them to his new home. The back pay was light by a month. We spent what we had to give the children we love unconditionally and we do not regret a single penny.

Your post makes me think that you do not have children, am I correct? If so, you have no grandchildren. If that is true, I feel sorry for you: you have missed some of the greatest joys in life.

I do wish people would not comment about situations of which they have had neither experience nor knowledge.

determined_new_ms

FBaby wrote: »

Because I don't see grand-parents as 'carers' but as what they are grand PARENTS. Where does it stop otherwise? If a child lives with his mum FT and then mum passes away so that the care goes to the father who before then only saw his child once a month as living miles away, should they also be entitled to becoming a foster parent because they are becoming carer for that child?

I guess I find it shocking as I come from a culture where family doesn't stop at mum and dad. I cannot imagine considering myself a foster parent to my future grandchildren just to get more money if it came to it, nor would I do it for my sister's kids. They are my family and if something happened that meant I had to look after them, I wouldn't expect any additional money then what I would be entitled as a parent.



Call me cynical but I don't believe for a second that is the main reason for grand parents do go down that route. Such access would be available from a referral via SS or the NHS. I think what it comes down to is that culture of entitlement when people value any additional cash and the material things that it gets them above that of the message that it gives, which is that the child is a commodity rather than a family member.

I am a kinship carer raising my grandchild. I chose, for fear she was going to be removed and adopted, to waive any right to financial support. I've got to say you are entitled to your opinion, but should recognise it is an uneducated one.

These children have complex issues and you would like to think right to therapeutic treatment should be universal but believe me it is anything but.

Honestly people shouldn't express judgemental opinions without any research or understanding - obviously this is just my opinion...

happyandcontented

FBaby wrote: »

Ok, no point going any further with this especially when I'm being quoted saying things I certainly didn't say!

My point was only from a financial perspective and gaining financially from opting to take the 'foster parent' route. That's because I remember a post on the debt forum from a grand parent who was claiming both WTC and foster payments and her benefit income was massive. This poster was overpaying her mortgage with that income because she'd been on interest only for years and was at risk of losing her house.

There was also a discussion on another forum with grand-parents being advised to take the foster parent route rather because you can still claim WTC this way and they would be much better off than just claiming child tax credits.

I do have great admiration from any grandparent who take on that role, however, I stand to my position that trying to maximise benefits by considering oneself a foster parent rather than a grand parent quite disheartening. My view and position!

I have no idea of the set up of the finances of the person I referred to in my post, but in her position, retired, now widowed, aged 72 with two grandchildren under 7 living with her full time would you refuse the fostering allowance? I assume their social worker sorts all these things out.

Given that she sometimes needs respite when she goes into hospital to have eye treatment and so relies on friends to feed and house the children at those times? Given that both children have physio needs due to medical issues, one of them requires speech therapy and one is still in nappies at the age of 5. All of those issues carry a cost.

What would you do? If this was sprung on you, by your daughter/son out of the blue, in the early years of your retirement as it was with her.

NeilCr

Robisere wrote: »

I do wish people would not comment about situations of which they have had neither experience nor knowledge.

Absolutely

And, even worse, they compound this by making statements based on incorrect assumptions which they haven’t bothered to check. And, then, make nasty little comments aimed at people who are in very difficult situations.

Tabbytabitha

FBaby wrote: »

Ok, no point going any further with this especially when I'm being quoted saying things I certainly didn't say!

My point was only from a financial perspective and gaining financially from opting to take the 'foster parent' route. That's because I remember a post on the debt forum from a grand parent who was claiming both WTC and foster payments and her benefit income was massive. This poster was overpaying her mortgage with that income because she'd been on interest only for years and was at risk of losing her house.

There was also a discussion on another forum with grand-parents being advised to take the foster parent route rather because you can still claim WTC this way and they would be much better off than just claiming child tax credits.

I do have great admiration from any grandparent who take on that role, however, I stand to my position that trying to maximise benefits by considering oneself a foster parent rather than a grand parent quite disheartening. My view and position!

There is a reason that foster carers aren't called foster parents these days and that is because the role is in many ways more similar to a therapeutic carer than a parent. I do think that if you could get your head round this fact rather than seeing it as simply grandparents stepping into the parental role when parents are unable to fulfil their responsibilities you might understand the situation better.