Really need someone to listen

Tabbytabitha

PeppaCoin wrote: »

I'm embarrassed to admit it's the second time it has happened. I can't forgive again. What does it tell my sons about how to treat women?

Were you planning on telling them?:eek::eek:

silvercar

Does your husband want to make your marriage work?

Would it have made a difference to you, if there wasn't a child involved?

I do know of a family where they broke up, he started seeing someone else, then they got back together. A few months later the 'someone else' announces there is a baby on the way. They have made it all work, including the baby ( now a teenager) spending a lot of time with the original family.

Red-Squirrel_2

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Were you planning on telling them?:eek::eek:

They have a half sibling born in between their two birthdays. Think they’d figure it out eventually.

fairy_lights

PeppaCoin wrote: »

I'm not sure how I will live, cope and pay bills. I feel like I am drowning and I am panicking.

But somehow you will live, cope, and pay your bills. I'm not surprised you feel like you're drowning, you only found out last night so you're still in shock and it may take a few days before you can think clearly about any of this. But you don't need to panic.
https://www.entitledto.co.uk/ can give you an idea what benefits you may be able to receive.

Pollycat

fairy_lights wrote: »

But somehow you will live, cope, and pay your bills. I'm not surprised you feel like you're drowning, you only found out last night so you're still in shock and it may take a few days before you can think clearly about any of this. But you don't need to panic.
https://www.entitledto.co.uk/ can give you an idea what benefits you may be able to receive.

The bit in bold is true, regardless of how impossible it might seem to you right now.
One of my very good friends went through the same thing, her kids were older than yours (but still kids) but she didn't have a job.
A few years on, they've sold the house (not her choice at the time), she has her own place and has never been happier.

Fireflyaway

I second the above. Don't make decisions whilst you are in shock and upset. An acquaintance of ours found out her husband was cheating and they split. She told me how surprised she was that she is managing OK as a single mum to 2. She earns less than you and her rent is more. Yes there will only 1 income but you get to make all the financial decisions and be in control. See if you are entitled to any benefits. Speak to the council too re council tax. Remember things will get better too. Once the kids are older and childcare decreases / stops. No reason why your income won't go up too.
Definitely don't be embarassed though. Uh I can't spell... You can't be responsible for someone else's bad choices. Neither should you tolerate continued disrespect or feel you have to split up. You can forgive if you want or go your own way if that's best for you. Its your life and nobody can possibly know the whole story except you.

motorguy

If your husband is working, he will have to contribute maintenance.

If hes not working, he can mind his children while you work.

Starrystarrynight1

It's very soon after the shock you've had, OP. Take a bit of time and just let whatever you're feeling out. I truly believe it helps to have a good cry or scream & shout, if that's what you want to do. Once you're feeling a little steadier, then you can go ahead and find out what help might be available for you.


I'm so very sorry to hear what has happened and send you very best wishes for the future with your children.

jackyann

I agree that you shouldn't make major decisions immediately, keep your options open. Urgently, make an appointment with someone like Ctizens' Advice, or Benefits Advisor at your Children's centre. Turn2us online can be useful. Then you will have the information you need to sort out your future.
Call in every friend and family member you can to help. Use all offers whilst you get yourself organised.

Especially you may like to get a trusted friend or close family member to sit with you quietly (whilst toddler is being amused & baby quiet) and look at all options. Another brain can be useful so you can look at the permutations of childcare and benefits.

Many women in similar situations have made this work - talk to any you know about their tips. I wish you all the best.

Amanda65

So sorry that you are going through this PeppaCoin. Can I ask what industry you and your husband work in? There may be an occupational benevolent fund that could offer support, either financial or emotional or both.