Really need someone to listen

PeppaCoin

I have been married 2 years and 7 months. We have two children, a 5yr old and a 5 month old. Tonight my husband confessed to sleeping with someone just before we got married. He just told me he has a two year old daughter as a result of that.

I am devastated, in tears, hyperventilating and terrified. It was the last thing I expected to hear.

I am now left in a position with 2 children to support alone. I am not relying on there being any child support from my husband as he will more than likely quit or lose his job in the next few weeks for various reasons.

When I return to work in may my salary will be £28k if i manage to work full time. I'm not sure how I'll handle this yet to be honest. My take home will be around £1800 and my childcare bill around £800/month. Mortgage is just under £600. I'm not sure how I will live, cope and pay bills. I feel like I am drowning and I am panicking.

Will I receive any help? I've never received benefits in my life

Thank you for reading

pearl123

PeppaCoin wrote: »

I have been married 2 years and 7 months. We have two children, a 5yr old and a 5 month old. Tonight my husband confessed to sleeping with someone just before we got married. He just told me he has a two year old daughter as a result of that.

I am devastated, in tears, hyperventilating and terrified. It was the last thing I expected to hear.

I am now left in a position with 2 children to support alone. I am not relying on there being any child support from my husband as he will more than likely quit or lose his job in the next few weeks for various reasons.

When I return to work in may my salary will be £28k if i manage to work full time. I'm not sure how I'll handle this yet to be honest. My take home will be around £1800 and my childcare bill around £800/month. Mortgage is just under £600. I'm not sure how I will live, cope and pay bills. I feel like I am drowning and I am panicking.

Will I receive any help? I've never received benefits in my life

Thank you for reading

I understand that you are shocked by the news. Has your husband stated that he is leaving you? Or you him?

PeppaCoin

I can't stay with him. There is much much more that has gone before too.

DCFC79

You may be enetitled to benefits, you would have to check, maybe try entitledto.co.uk.

Kim_13

There will be the 30 hours free childcare a week when the youngest is 3 (exact date depends on when the birthday falls as it starts at the start of one of the three terms.)

Are there any family or friends nearby who could help out? You could also offer to share childcare if any of them have children and they are available when you are not and vice versa.

Is your husband likely to provide any childcare even if no maintenance is forthcoming?

Are you claiming child benefit and tax credit already? You should inform them of the changes once you're no longer living with your husband.

As the only adult in the household there will also be a single person discount that you can claim on the council tax when the time comes.

groovy_chick

Speaking as a parent who has brought her two children up alone, it's really hard. If I had a chance to work things out and choose to forgive, I would have. My children have suffered and will never know the family life I had hoped for them to have.

Is there no way you can consider trying to work through this?

PeppaCoin

I'm embarrassed to admit it's the second time it has happened. I can't forgive again. What does it tell my sons about how to treat women?

PeppaCoin

I'm embarrassed to admit it's the second time it has happened. I can't forgive again. What does it tell my sons about how to treat women if i did.

Happier_Me

I couldn't imagine staying with my husband after a bombshell like that. If he's cheated before too could you really forgive? The reality is there is a 2 year old child in the middle of all this so you certainly won't be able to forget.

My thoughts are 'don't rush into anything!'. Get together an SOA so you fully understand your incomings and outgoings - where could you make cut backs as a family of three? (Council tax discount, reduced food costs etc). Can you get family to support with childcare at all? Just one day a week will be a massive help. Play around with the benefits calculator for full time and part time working, including realistic estimates of your childcare costs to see what working tax credits you could be entitled to and plug the answers into your SOA.
The aim is to survive financially until the youngest receives the 30 hours of free nursery care which will see a big reduction in your expenses.

You talk about keeping the house but if there is any equity in the property he may be entitled to some of this on divorce. Just bear this in mind that on divorce all your assets will need to be divided.

Pollycat

Lordy, what a dreadful bombshell!

Why has he decided to confess this to you now?

Why is he going to quit/lose his job?

Do you have family support?

Here's a link that may help you get your head round the more practical things (potential benefits):
https://www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

You may want to try to make an appointment at the local CAB for advice.

peachyprice

PeppaCoin wrote: »

my husband will more than likely quit or lose his job in the next few weeks for various reasons.

Then he will have plenty of time on his hand to look after his children.