Problem with 8 year old and teacher

NovaBlack_2

id definitely so go and complain about the teacher.

when i was at school a teacher made my life hell for two years, constant humiliation and belittling, over n over. he was like this with several pupils (over several years ) but the head hadnt really done anything about it!

it all cumulated one day when (for whatever reason) he lost his temper and we were the targets to vent frustration. one kid, whilst being yelled at got told to 'look at him when he was speaking' and swung to knock the kids face upward giving him a bleeding lip. naturally he was nice as pie instantly afterward saying 'it was all a misunderstanding' and he apologised n hoped nobody else 'would need to know about a simple mistake'.

then a couple weeks later i got on his badside ( and i was a quiet shiy very well behaved kid) so he ended up latching onto my elbow and flinging me off the ground onto my back on the grass a few feet away.

anyway we tried to complain about it but didnt really do enough. at the time it was really his word against mine so all the 'kids overactive imagination' stuff came out n naturally nothing happened about it.


Anyway ive got over everythin that happened but found out that 4 years ago (im 23 now) he got sacked for hitting a child!


just wish we'd got rid of him first time round. dont let it rest, and go to the head till its sorted, threaten to move schools if you have to.

andyrules

Becles wrote: »

I'm just looking for advice as I'm not sure how best to handle this.

My 8 year old is having awful problems which have come to a head this year due to his teacher.

He's always had problems with letter formation and his writing has always been messy. It is gradually getting better as I've been putting a load of work in at home with it, but it's a real test of patience!

He also really struggles getting down what he wants to say on a piece of paper. He's really bright and can tell you all sorts of things, and will read up on things he is interested in. For example, he read a Miriam Stoppard book on pregnancy, and my midwife said he knows more about feotal development and birth than some pregnant ladies do However, if I asked him to write some sentences on it, he would really struggle to do it. At the moment, I'm getting him to write at least 6 sentences every day about something he did (fact or fiction!), so he can practise both writing and content.

I've found that he reacts to negative comments in a bad way. If you say something could be improved on, he goes huffy and defensive and gives up. However if you say - that bit is excellent and I can see you really tried there, but perhaps you could improve on that bit, he takes it on board and talks about how to make his work better.

My eldest son had the teacher last year, and I didn't get on very well with her. She is very patronising and looks down her nose and me being a mere parent!

She has complained to me about the standard of my sons work and I have explained what I am doing with him at home. I have also explained to her how I praise then explain what was wrong, as I find that works best with him.

The teacher is refusing to do this though. I've looked through his homework and things he has done well just have a tick next to them, but things he has done wrong or messy have large red writing all over it. I'm assuming his school books are like that, from what he has said to me. He reads the comments and gets upset, and thinks all his work is rubbish as he never gets praise from her. He's just lost all his confidence now, and all the work last years teacher did in helping him with his problems has been undone. He said things like "whats the point of trying as it'll never make Miss *** happy".

He's been coming home in tears lately and I'm at a loss what to do now. I don't like undermiming the teacher, but in this case I feel she is doing more harm than good.

My son is also being bullied by the boy who sits next to him in class. I have twice asked the teacher to move either my son or the boy, but she refuses and says it's just children being children. My son won't answer back to people, so he's just sitting there all day having this boy pick comments on his work, what was in his lunchbox, and so on, which is also affecting his confidence.

What would be the best way to sort this out, without causing too much fuss at school?

Becles, I haven't read replies, (only paddysmum) so may be repeating something.

here's my thoughts. If I was your son's teacher I would be looking at why he is so bright but struggling with writing. Now, that said, boys often struggle with writing even when good achievers in other areas. I'm not sure whether you mean he is struggling with forming his letters or sentence construction. What are his motor skills like generally - ie drawing, craft, ball control? He could have poor or slow developing motor skills - generally by 8 fine motor skills do tend to have developed reasonably well . It could be a visual perception problem if all his writing formation/drawing is immature, especially as he is bright orally. If his content is good then I would say he could be feeling frustrated that he can't get it down - a child with overall poor ability wouldn't necessarily be that bothered.

However, I feel angry about his teacher and her attitude - if she's had him for a year she should be helping him and not making him feel useless. is his class the only one in a year group, ie could he be moved to another class? As PM said in her post, some teachers do home in on a child and make them 'invisible', very often making a god of another child. I've seen it happen, sadly.

Deffo go in and ask to see the SENCO or head about this - and I don't often advocate bypassing the teacher. Let him know you believe him and think he's wonderful - I'm sure you are doing that anyway, but maybe overdo it a bit - he could need it after a day with negativity.

Good luck, and don't hang about!

kisto

As a mum, but also having worked as a teaching assistant, I would strongly recommend going to the headteacher with your concerns. It's unfortunate that the teacher won't accept your input.

Don't be afraid to keep going until you (and your ds) are happy. Be clear about what you want and how your son is feeling.

NovaBlack_2

jarrod1 wrote: »

I are 31 and Im only lenred who too wrote england where i where 12

i perhaps sense sarcasm here as every other post by this user (check profile) is written in plain clear concise english..


really funny mate taking the mick out of dyslexia... big man.:mad:

andyrules

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Please go to the headteacher - this intimidation must not be allowed to continue for one minute more!

More than 45 years ago, when I was 10 years old, and a bright, well-behaved pupil, my teacher took a real dislike to me, probably because a distant relative had just been convicted of a string of thefts. She made my life an absolute misery with mean and spiteful actions as well as constant belittling.

When tired or feeling bothered about something, my thumb would occasionally stray into my mouth. This spiteful woman gave her own money to a 'goes home to lunch' girl and bought me a dummy. She then proceeded to humiliate me in front of the whole class by insisting that I put it in my mouth.

On another occasion, because I was wearing the correct colour cardigan but it was expertly hand knitted by my hard-up mother and not purchased from a shop, she announced in front of everyone that I would not be allowed on the annual school trip. Despite being a non-compulsory uniform school, her words were that my appearance was a disgrace.

I told my parents little of this but eventually became so unhappy that it was affecting my whole thinking. Once they had got the whole sorry tale out of me, my parents went to the head and made a formal complaint. All the charges were substantiated (often by the words of my classmates, when questioned) and I was moved for the rest of the year into a lower level class with a kinder teacher.

I have rambled on a bit but the point is that even to this day, I cannot hear that person's surname, in whatever context, without a surge of what is close to hatred. Her conduct destroyed something in me which has never recovered. Please save your boy from having to endure more of this. You're his mother - be the tigress and fight for his right to a peaceful childhood, free of this totally uncalled for malice. I truly hope things work out for you and that his confidence in himself is soon restored.

That's shocking - people like that should not work with children!

ailuro2

Ask for an appointment with the head or deputy, and don't criticise the teacher, ask for assistance in helping you and your son to do as the teacher is asking. Once in there, explain all the wonderful work you've been doing yourself, suggest that he might be less distracted if moved away from the boy next door as they have a personality clash (I doubt that suggesting he's a bully will do much good- it just suggests they are failing as a school!)

In essence, butter them up, make out that do they know best, and that you've done everything they asked and now need more ideas to help your son meet his teacher's standards. The fact you're slipping suggestions into the conversation and letting them think it's their ideas is another story.;)

Angua2

I can so sympathise, Becles. (What you write about your son is almost like reading about my own boy.) Your son's teacher seems to have a confrontational teachers v. parents attitude that is unhelpful if not downright stupid. I've heard teachers say that they know our children better than we do... Excuse me, they know them in the context of school only - that is 6-7 hrs a day, 36 out of 52 weeks. And what about the the other 17-18 hours?

From my experience, I'd do a couple of things:
1. As your son's 8 and bright and, from what you relate, emotionally intelligent, too (well-done both of you, btw), I'd start with sitting down with him and the family to draw up an action plan to make him happier and to tackle together the two problems. Although both problems are contributing to his and your unhappiness, it might (just a suggestion) be an idea to try to keep them somewhat separate.

I believe the advantages in doing a family plan style of thing are: a) it becomes explicit that the top of the agenda is your boy's happiness; b) reinforces for him that you and the family are there for him, protecting, nurturing, etc.; c) things come out or become clearer; d) it helps move things from highly emotive to a more rational arena which can in itself relieve the worries and strain; and e) allows your son to reclaim some sense of control, when he might well be feeling powerless.

2. Get some information from anti-bullying organisations in your area (for specifics) and, more generally, from the web.

You seem to want to make as little fuss as possible, which is fine. But there are times when one has to create, so be prepared... I'm not advocating full-scale thermo-nuclear intervention, rather reconnaissance to find out if others have same / similar probs with bullying or the specific bully and what worked for them.

Dealing with the, um, well, let's say 'unsympathetic' teacher has other pitfalls, for e.g., the school chose her, so the school's instinct will be to defend her.

You know the teacher is unwilling to work with your son or yourself. What is not yet known is whether or not the teacher's supervisor/depute/head will listen, hear and be supportive or constructive. I hope so. We're lucky enough to have an enlightened new head here (don't get me started about the previous one) and she and I are working together to produce a folder for parents on how to help the reluctant reader / homework-doer (apologies for tortured terminology).

I fail to understand, frankly, why some teachers can't get their heads around the fact that not all teaching styles suit all children and that for some children the clash of personality / style / whatever is very significant and can be damaging. Yes, there are developmental stages, key targets, etc., but all of that is based on averages and norms, inferences and interpretations... Children don't blossom on command.

Wishing you and your son all sorts of the best.

inkie

Its so easy for the school to ignore issues when they are address verbally, as there are no records of your concerns ever being raised. As the mother of an 8yr old too, my advice Becles is for you to put your concerns in writing to the head, stating that you have discussed XYZ in formally with the Miss A, but as the situation has not been resolved, then you wish to bring it to school management's attention for the following reasons etc.....

nikki&asha

I would advise you to definitely see the head teacher. Your son is not the problem here, the teacher is. You and his previous teacher have proved that he reacts well to positive discipline in regards to the standard of his work (praise) and can react emotionally to criticism. This is perfectly normal in 8 years olds and will even out over time with the right support. I would not necessarily think your son has a 'problem' but he needs the right teaching methods that work for him. What the teacher is doing is a form of discrimination in relation to the fact that she is catering for the whole class, not the individual child, in his learning and the seating plan. no child should feel unhappy at school for any reason and I think it will be in your and your sons best interest to sort it out directly with the head teacher rather than wasting a year of his education for fear of upsetting the teacher.
The teacher is probably not intentionally doing this but it is a difficult job and I think that a few years into the job they can become complacent.
(I am a nursery nurse by the way and see this all the time!)
good luck
Nikki

Mojisola

Becles wrote: »

He also really struggles getting down what he wants to say on a piece of paper. He's really bright and can tell you all sorts of things, and will read up on things he is interested in. For example, he read a Miriam Stoppard book on pregnancy, and my midwife said he knows more about feotal development and birth than some pregnant ladies do However, if I asked him to write some sentences on it, he would really struggle to do it.

When my son was having similar problems I got him to talk about the subject he was supposed to do for homework and recorded him. I then typed his words out. When we saw his wretched teacher and gave her the transcription, she accused me of "doing his work for him". After listening to the tape, she had to retract that, apologise to me and admit that my son was much brighter than she thought. We used to record a lot of his work after that. He was eventually diagnosed as dyslexic.

I agree with the comments about your son's teacher - some shouldn't be in the job at all. See what happens when you have a meeting with the head teacher, although you might find she/he won't accept criticism of teachers. If that happens, speak to the parent governor. Don't let this go on or it could affect your son's education for years.