Problem with 8 year old and teacher

Becles

I'm just looking for advice as I'm not sure how best to handle this.

My 8 year old is having awful problems which have come to a head this year due to his teacher.

He's always had problems with letter formation and his writing has always been messy. It is gradually getting better as I've been putting a load of work in at home with it, but it's a real test of patience!

He also really struggles getting down what he wants to say on a piece of paper. He's really bright and can tell you all sorts of things, and will read up on things he is interested in. For example, he read a Miriam Stoppard book on pregnancy, and my midwife said he knows more about feotal development and birth than some pregnant ladies do However, if I asked him to write some sentences on it, he would really struggle to do it. At the moment, I'm getting him to write at least 6 sentences every day about something he did (fact or fiction!), so he can practise both writing and content.

I've found that he reacts to negative comments in a bad way. If you say something could be improved on, he goes huffy and defensive and gives up. However if you say - that bit is excellent and I can see you really tried there, but perhaps you could improve on that bit, he takes it on board and talks about how to make his work better.

My eldest son had the teacher last year, and I didn't get on very well with her. She is very patronising and looks down her nose and me being a mere parent!

She has complained to me about the standard of my sons work and I have explained what I am doing with him at home. I have also explained to her how I praise then explain what was wrong, as I find that works best with him.

The teacher is refusing to do this though. I've looked through his homework and things he has done well just have a tick next to them, but things he has done wrong or messy have large red writing all over it. I'm assuming his school books are like that, from what he has said to me. He reads the comments and gets upset, and thinks all his work is rubbish as he never gets praise from her. He's just lost all his confidence now, and all the work last years teacher did in helping him with his problems has been undone. He said things like "whats the point of trying as it'll never make Miss *** happy".

He's been coming home in tears lately and I'm at a loss what to do now. I don't like undermiming the teacher, but in this case I feel she is doing more harm than good.

My son is also being bullied by the boy who sits next to him in class. I have twice asked the teacher to move either my son or the boy, but she refuses and says it's just children being children. My son won't answer back to people, so he's just sitting there all day having this boy pick comments on his work, what was in his lunchbox, and so on, which is also affecting his confidence.

What would be the best way to sort this out, without causing too much fuss at school?

mummy_Jay

As you've tried talking to the teacher to no avale, go and have a chat with either the deputy or the head teacher, explain what you have said on here. They are human and normally very nice people.

This isn't about making a fuss, this is about working with the school to help your son, the head teacher may be able to give you more advise.

You may also not be the only parent that has an issue. The fact your boy is being bullied they will want the opportunity to do something about this.

I hope this helps some.

Noctu

From what I can tell, the problem isn't with your 8 year old, but with his teacher.

I agree with mummy_Jay - the only way the teacher will get sorted out is if you take it to the head teacher.

Best of luck.

culpepper

My son's writing was almost illegible when he was 8. We tried pattern games where I would draw dragons heads and tails and he must form the long body in different ways keeping the segments even.He liked them and it helped a little.
He had a teacher who was very patronising and unhelpful too.
We took our two out of school as we had,had enough and just taught them at home rather as you are doing in spare moments.
DS now writes loads,he still has speed issues where he will write so fast we can't read it afterwards.
He went to 6th form college 2 years ago and they assessed his writing as slightly dislexic and so gave him longer to complete his exam papers.
He is at university now and is allowed to do his exams on computer due to his 'dislexia'. Im not sure it is dislexia as he can spell pretty well but he has always had problems with putting pen to paper coordination-wise. No such problem when typing.
As to the bullying, definitely broach it with the head as a move of seat would make his life easier even if he is not completely removed from this other boys presence. Teachers always seem to think it is a natural and childlike thing to bully others but really school is the only place where mental and physical abuse are seen as just someones fun.

jarrod1

I are 31 and Im only lenred who too wrote england where i where 12

marcowil

some people really shouldn't be teachers - the more you help a child the more they develop and criticism never works

minimacka

Its so awful when our children are unhappy at school because of bullys, my d/s who is 10 was very unhappy in year 4 because of his teacher. I approached the teacher to discuss the problem and was very unhelpful, so I made an appointment with the headteacher and sorted the problem out. His teacher has got a horrible attitude imo and is a bully to some of the kids. My d/s continued to be in his class and all was ok until this year (6) my son has got this teacher for English and Maths, the very first day he was back at school he got detention for not copying something down correctly, same again the 2nd day back, on the 3rd day we went on holiday and im sure that this is why the teacher gave him detention. When we came back from holiday my son became very withdrawn in himself and is usually such a lovely outgoing boy the reason for this is the teacher was imo bullying him again making him stay behind and copying words out 100 times that he had spelt wrong. Things came to ahead when one day he went into my sons class and belittled him in front of the whole class. He was absolutly heartbroken, we went to see his teacher who basically told us to go to the head teacher and report him to the board of governors which we did. The head teacher was very supportive and dealt with the teacher, but we did make a complaint against him to the board of governors because this teacher has always had this bullying tactic even to a boy last year with cancer (i know lowest of the low) My son has this week been moved out of his English and Maths classes and seems to be getting back to the normal boy that we know.

Please go to the head teacher and get this problem sorted out, my son told me that he was very anxious going to school and children should be able to go to school and not be bullied by anyone especially teachers.

honeypop

Becles wrote: »

He's always had problems with letter formation and his writing has always been messy....He also really struggles getting down what he wants to say on a piece of paper. He's really bright and can tell you all sorts of things, and will read up on things he is interested in....However, if I asked him to write some sentences on it, he would really struggle to do it....reacts to negative comments in a bad way. If you say something could be improved on, he goes huffy and defensive and gives up. However if you say - that bit is excellent and I can see you really tried there, but perhaps you could improve on that bit, he takes it on board and talks about how to make his work better.

Sorry I can't help with what to do about the teacher, other than agree with others suggestions about taking it to the head of the school.

However, I just wanted to say all the things you describe sound like my sister at that age who was later diagnosed with Dyspraxia. I'm not suggesting your DS has this, just pointing out the similarities so maybe you would want to look into it a bit more to see if anything else strikes you as similar to your DS's behaviour. At least then you'd be able to rule that out and concentrate on how to improve things for him, or find that there is something you can do to help if it does turn out to be dyspraxia.

paddy's_mum

Please go to the headteacher - this intimidation must not be allowed to continue for one minute more!

More than 45 years ago, when I was 10 years old, and a bright, well-behaved pupil, my teacher took a real dislike to me, probably because a distant relative had just been convicted of a string of thefts. She made my life an absolute misery with mean and spiteful actions as well as constant belittling.

When tired or feeling bothered about something, my thumb would occasionally stray into my mouth. This spiteful woman gave her own money to a 'goes home to lunch' girl and bought me a dummy. She then proceeded to humiliate me in front of the whole class by insisting that I put it in my mouth.

On another occasion, because I was wearing the correct colour cardigan but it was expertly hand knitted by my hard-up mother and not purchased from a shop, she announced in front of everyone that I would not be allowed on the annual school trip. Despite being a non-compulsory uniform school, her words were that my appearance was a disgrace.

I told my parents little of this but eventually became so unhappy that it was affecting my whole thinking. Once they had got the whole sorry tale out of me, my parents went to the head and made a formal complaint. All the charges were substantiated (often by the words of my classmates, when questioned) and I was moved for the rest of the year into a lower level class with a kinder teacher.

I have rambled on a bit but the point is that even to this day, I cannot hear that person's surname, in whatever context, without a surge of what is close to hatred. Her conduct destroyed something in me which has never recovered. Please save your boy from having to endure more of this. You're his mother - be the tigress and fight for his right to a peaceful childhood, free of this totally uncalled for malice. I truly hope things work out for you and that his confidence in himself is soon restored.

minimacka

Paddys mum, its awfull isnt it that teachers take a dislike to a child and end up humiliating that child so much. Im so glad that my d/s told us about this sooner rather than later and that we could with the help of a very helpful headteacher get the problem sorted out. I felt that I had to complain to the board of governors about this teacher because teachers like him cannot keep getting away with it. School bullying should not be allowed expecially if the bully is a teacher.

Im so sorry about what happend to you even though it was 45 years ago it has still left a horrible memory of this teacher and your school years.

A_LANCASHIRE_LAD_2

This is simply one of the reason why my son will not be put through any main stream education . I myself and my wife will be teaching him at home .
You are doing a fantastic job by helping him at home with his writing and should be so proud of him and yourself as nowadays in my opinion i cannot see half of todays parents either wanting or caring in ways to help their children with homework .
Take the lad out of school which straight away sorts the bullying problem out and educate him with the things that he needs to know to prepare him for life ahead , i cannot believe some of the stuff my 12 year old is being taught ...algebra? er what for ...all beyond me .
Im really annoyed at your teacher and if i was to confront her would proably loose it with her and the head , ive seen at first hand what clap trap they talk ..forget them get him outta there get him at home and enjoy your time with him... its something you wont regret and one im certainly looking foward to with my son .