Problem with 8 year old and teacher

Becles

His teacher is mid-40's. She's not married and doesn't have children of her own. He has got on with all his previous teachers. He's had two young unmarried and childless ones, and two older teachers but they were married with their own children.

His favourite teacher in year 2 was about the same age as this one, but she is very motherly. In fact she snatched the baby off me because she was desperate to have a cuddle - lol!

Thanks for all the other tips.

He's been sent home from school at lunchtime as he's been vomiting. I'll see how he is in the morning, but if he stops off, I'll not get to see the head until after the October week hols as they break up tomorrow.

Angua2

Becles wrote: »

His teacher is mid-40's. She's not married and doesn't have children of her own. He has got on with all his previous teachers. He's had two young unmarried and childless ones, and two older teachers but they were married with their own children.

His favourite teacher in year 2 was about the same age as this one, but she is very motherly. In fact she snatched the baby off me because she was desperate to have a cuddle - lol!

Thanks for all the other tips.

He's been sent home from school at lunchtime as he's been vomiting. I'll see how he is in the morning, but if he stops off, I'll not get to see the head until after the October week hols as they break up tomorrow.

Poor wee scone! Take care.

(Welcome for the tips - hope I don't seem to be bombarding, but more tips = more choices...??)

skyrocket

My son has Dyspraxia and what you wrote about your son, you could have been talking about my boy!
I don't know whether this is what your son has but he needs to be tested for various things so he can get the help he needs, and his teacher ought to be doing everything she can to ensure this!
Go straight to the head, your GP and your SENCO.
Pm meif you need to ask anything about Dyspraxia!
Good luck honey! Its a long slog but at least you are doing something about it, plenty of parents don't help their kids with their struggles at school and the school should be mindful of this!
Oh and kick off with the head about the bully too!
My son had this sort of thing going on at his last school.
You sound like a really good mum!
Hugs!

Savvy_Sue

You may not have been able to see the head, but that doesn't stop you writing a letter and sending it in while the school is closed!

purplepurple

Please don't let this become yet another teacher bashing thread.... not all teachers are like this.
This teacher in particular sounds in ineffective, but there must be others at the school able to help. Have you spoken to the SENCO (Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator) at the school? Perhaps your son just needs some short term concentrated support to get things moving (confidence is a major issue in cases like this) but the bullying is a seperate issue that needs to be dealt with by the senior management of the school.
I really hope you get things sorted.... and why not try to pop into school next week? The pupils are off for a week, but there's a chance the teachers will be in.

Becles

I wasn't teacher bashing. My Dad is a retired teacher, and I've done volunteer work in school, so I'm well aware of what goes into the job, and I admire the good teachers. It's just this one particular teacher who we have a problem with.

My friend said I can ask for a referral to the Educational Psychologist too, so I think I'll ask if that can be done too and I will have a word with the SENCO person at school.

lil_me

Becles I would go and see the head aswell as the SENCO, I think it would be a good idea for an Ed Psych referal considering the issues you have mentioned, it's not the best service in the Durham area and there may be a wait for him to see one so the quicker you ask the better. The Ed Psych may be able to refer your son to the Development and Coordination Difficulties team, which are Occupational Therapists and Physiotherapists, my youngest is currently seeing these (something else which took a while) and is coming along really well with their support. There is a dyspraxia group in Durham, if you are interested I could PM you the details, I haven't been to their sessions because of when they are on but they when I last spoke to them were running things like a Saturday club for the children with activities to encourage motor skill development.

Just had a child who had similar issues be transfered to the PRU from my sons school, he was having the same problems getting things onto paper was an issue, eventually this very quiet sweet little boy was displaying bad behaviour out of sheer frustration and was labelled a 'naughty child'. Since being refered there the Ed Psych has been in to see him and stated he is not a naughty child, just extremely frustrated. She also said school has caused most of his problems.

Hope he gets over the tummy bug soon, seems to be doing the rounds in schools up here, 14 off in DS1s little SEN school this week when he was sent home.

helpplz_3

I had similar problems with my eldest son and one of his infant school teachers. She wouldn't listen to him read, gave no praise and when he was physically attacked by 3 other boys in his class just said" well he's a big lad, they're bound to come at him in 2 or 3's". I went through the roof. I went to the Head Teacher to complain and the teacher denied saying anything of the sort. In the end, I made a round trip of 30 miles every lunchtime (I'm working) and asked someone whose garden overlooked the playground if I could stand and watch the children, after explaining my problem. After one of the hardest weeks I've experienced, watching him being punched and kicked I turned up at the school armed with names/dates/actions, together with picture evidence. The situation was sorted within 1 hour. From that moment on his class teacher wasn't allowed to see me without the head teacher being present. Funnily enough however, within the year she'd been sacked. Justice at last. Go to the Head Teacher, put down your concerns in writing first, bullet point style to remind you of things you want to say. Always follow up any meeting with a letter to confirm what was discussed. If they don't let you know they disagree then your version of events is the right one. Ask for a copy of the schools Statement on Bullying (they will have one). The only respite I got during this time was when the school holidays come around. Can you ask for your child to change classes/teachers? August and the end of the school year is a long time away and the damage this teacher can do to your childs self confidence in that time is considerable. There's usually more than one class per year group and you never know, playground power can work wonders. Do any other parent s have similar concerns? You might not be alone in this. Good luck xxx

nickj_2

one of my daughters teachers told me that when she marks work , she only highlights 2-3 mistakes , and then only uses small writing to make the point ,
a child can gain no confidence from constantly seeing loads of mistakes pointed out by the teacher , especially if they are trying their best

Nenen

culpepper wrote: »

Teachers always seem to think it is a natural and childlike thing to bully others but really school is the only place where mental and physical abuse are seen as just someones fun.

I find that sort of gross generalisation offensive. I have been teaching over 26 years and can honestly say I have NEVER regarded any sort of mental or physical abuse as fun. The first question I always ask parents at parents evenings is, 'Is your child happy at school?' If the answer is ever negative (thankfully very rarely because it is so important to me that children feel happy, safe and secure) then we deal with this issue before anything else. IMHO children cannot possibly learn effectively if they are unhappy, anxious, frightened or worried about being belittled.

Becles I do hope you can resolve this situation. Most teachers I know work extremely hard and do their utmost to act in the best interests of the children. Unfortunately a small minority are not willing/able to do this and cause untold damage. I would urge you to go and see the headteacher as soon as your ds is well enough for you to do so.

It sounds as if you are doing everything you possibly can to help your son and I really hope this will be resolved soon. I would say that some teachers I know find it very difficult to accept advice from parents about the best way to motivate their children... I guess the most reluctant teachers in this respect are the ones who are actually very insecure themselves and find parents making suggestions a threat. These are the same teachers that refuse to have teaching assistants in meetings as 'they get above themselves' (which to my horror I heard in the staffroom at one school)! This kind of attitude is counter-productive and usually indicates a fear of everyone working together as a team in case one loses 'control'. However, playing devil's advocate for a moment, it is also true that as a teacher it is almost impossible to please all of the parents all of the time and one cannot keep changing seating arrangements every time a parent makes a request. Teachers have to try and do what is in the best interests of the whole class, while simultaneously supporting children as unique individuals (a difficult balancing act sometimes) whereas parents, quite rightly, only have the best interests of their own child at heart.

If the teacher is the sort who has such a weak self esteem herself that she has become a bully (which I'm sad to say happens occasionally) then it might be in your son's best interests for you to tread very carefully when dealing with her. I'm not for one minute defending that teacher or suggesting that you accept her attitude but it might be worth trying the approach suggested by ailuro2 as she will possibly respond better to that style. At the end of the day it is probably worth you biting your tongue and 'buttering her up' if it might possibly give your son some respite from her! What I'm sure you want to avoid at all costs is some sort of standoff with your son caught in the crossfire! It is highly unlikely a teacher would get sacked (or even reprimanded) for what she has done up until now so, unless you are prepared/able to change schools, it would be helpful to do everything you can to get her on your side... easier said than done I know!

Your son might be heartened to know that as he gets older not only will the physical effort of writing get easier for him but that handwriting is usually much less of an issue anyway. When it comes to all important exams as long as writing is legible very few marks depend upon handwriting (or even spelling). Everyone knows that doctors usually have appalling handwriting! My dh (an academic) has handwriting so bad I often cannot read it and yet it has never prevented him from doing anything he wanted to in education! You could show your ds this link:
http://www.handwriting.org/main/hwasmpS1.htm
handwriting samples from Darwin, Eisstein and Freud!!!!

As you can probably tell I'm not a massive fan of worrying unduly about neat handwriting... content bothers me far more (especially in orally bright children like your ds). Sometimes it is fear of getting it wrong (either handwriting or spelling) that prevents a clever child from showing their true potential in writing. With the explosion of technology it is unlikely that any current 8 year old will need to be able to handwrite/spell without a spellcheck anything more taxing than a note to the milkman! Yet some parents think it is terrible I don't spend more time on this... as I say, you can't please all of the parents all of the time!

One final thought... how expressive is your son able to be if he types his own work on the computer?