Young Mum = Bad mum/bad person?

keelykat

Hi, i'm 23 now and we are planning on trying for a baby after xmas but i get told im too young too! I really dont care now, whats it to them anyway?

Enjoy your family, and ignore the idiots out there who are quick to judge without even knowing you!

keely.

nats3006

Dont let people judge you.

I get it alot, i have 2 boys aged 11 months and 3 years, im only 20!

Ds1 was born when i was 16.

I think i am a good mum, i work, my children go to nursery. And i do the very best i can for them.

So hold your head up high!

xx

alyth

I don't have kids and have no intention of having them, so I always think that anyone who has kids is too young! I have to comment on you not being offered a job because you have children though, and it's extremely common - I temped for a long time, and got contracts specifically because I didn't have children and could commit to the company - I'm not saying this is right, it's just what the company wanted. I also work for a national company and out of all our offices in Scotland, I don't know anyone who works within the company who have children - most of the woman are 40 plus and their children are away from the home. my mother who also works for a national company had an informal policy of not employing anyone either with children or who is recently married/looks likely to have children. I don't know how they police this policy, but it's how they work. Indeed, on a member of staff in my own office it is noted on her employment record that she is unlikely to return to work after having children so she will not be promoted. It's not right, but there is absolutely nothing that can be done about it unfortunately - you may want to take your company to court for discrimination, but this costs - to your own future employment records, and to youself. My partner was cited in an employment tribunal recently as a member of his staff was taking the company to court for discrimination having been made redundant whilst on maternity leave with her third child - she pulled out at the last minute - literally, 4.30 on the day before she was due to go to court. Received nothing, and had to pay over £50K in costs.

I'm giving these examples to say that discrimination against women with children will always be there, whether you are 20 or 40, whether you are educated or not. it's not always right, sometimes small offices can't cope if an important member of staff goes off on maternity leave, I know a temp costs my company £500 a week, larger companies can cover this expense, it can bring small companies towards bankruptcy.

And to the fact that people comment in being a young mother, as long as you are happy, your child is happy, you can feed and cloth him/her, then you should not care what anyone says to you. Whilst I personally don't want kids, fair play to those who do, I'm told it's the hardest thing you can ever do, I don't have experience of this so can't comment, but in any aspect of your life you shouldn't worry about what other people think of you!

glitterycloud

theres no right or wrong age for having a baby, my sister had her first at aged 21, she is now 26 and has 3 children. I am 27 and have no children we often have conversations about whether its better to have children at a young age or later in life, as you can imagine these conversations can get heated as i think im still not ready for a child and think that once you have had a few years of doing your own thing it is easier to give up your lifestyle but my sister thinks that being an older mum is the worst thing you can do for a child. There are dramatic differences in our lives, i work full time and always have but my sister gave up work at 21 and hasn't worked since, she is lucky to be in a position to choose whether she works. She has accused me of not being maternal enough to have children and even questioned whether i will have them - which i will i am very broody!!!! Just not yet, i want to be able to give my children a good start inlife so therefore i need to get myself in a good position to do this. Maybe i think too much and should just go for it!!

Cerenia

I've seen some fantastic young mothers, some as young as 16 - its not the age, its the skills that can help make the parents imo My mum had me at 21, and I had severe ADHD when I was younger - I still to this day can't understand show she coped - I was a beast of a child!

Also - you're more likely to be classed 'the cool mum' when they're in thier teens as you're younger XD Unitentional discrimiation, but it seems to add to the 'cool points' when they're teens.

Anthillmob

liney wrote: »

It could be discriminatory to even request the information the application form ie; marital status and no/ages of children really shouldnt be on there in the first place because they are irrelavent questions when applying for a job.

If someone happened to complain, those questions were on the form, and the rest of the work force was single and childless, i think they may well have a strong case.

When i was pregnant (married and 24) swollen fingers ment i couldn't wear my wedding ring, and i do look young for my age so got some dreadful tutting from old ladies lol. Ignore them, take pleasure in the fact your life must be far more interesting than theirs if they haven't got anything better do do.

god dont start me on the gimmers (old people). a lot of you are aware tat i have arthritis in my hands which means sometimes, shock, horror, i cannot wear my engagement ring and ive had tuts. im 33 years old (but look about 25 aparently) and have a 22 month old and am 7 months pregnant.

christ theyd have heart attacks if they knew that mr mob is a divorcee and weve been living in sin for about 9 years. :rotfl:

dlb

Good points about being a `young ` mum
1-You understand the kids little codes..beause you used the same ones not that long ago.
2-Your seen as cool in your kids eyes because you like the same music ect that they do.
3-You have bucket loads of energy (on a monday i do anyway,come fri no chance!!)
4-I think your more laid back, because you remember trying it on yourself.

I just asked my kids if they thought it would be better if i was older and their answer was no way, at least the teachers dont think your our granny!! Kids dont you just love em!!!!!

To the OP Please let us know if all the posts have made you feel better, i do hope so, it sounds like alot of us know what you are going through and i hope our messages has made you laugh and boosted your positive thoughts!!
Donna