Young Mum = Bad mum/bad person?

vtmil

Hi, im 21 and mum to a beautiful nearly 3 year old daughter, but recently i've experienced negative attitudes directed towards me such as nasty or pitying looks, 'oooh your a bit young' comments, and i feel really pushed out by the older mums at my daughters pre-school. Its making me feel really down. I tried applying for some jobs. When i mentioned my little one i didn't get the job, i went to another interview but decided not to mention my family, and guess what, i got it! I just feel as though it always going to go against me, and now I have the problem of either telling or lying too my collegues about my daughter. I love her and she is my proudest achievement ever, but will i be automatically labeled a sl*g?

I'm not thick, i was on course to go to Oxford but then I fell pregnant to my first boyfriend(she wasn't planned, just a beautiful accident), we brought our own house, i study, work, the OH works, Our daughter is spoilt with love, she is our life and priority. We dont drink, smoke, go out (old b4 our time methinks!)Everything we do is for our baby. I want to be a teacher, i just feel that some peoples attitudes that all young parents are vicky pollards is going to follow me for the rest of my life? aggghhhhhh...!!!

Any other young parents feel the same? What do you do? Any ppl that have overcome my problem? I just want to feel more confident with my own life!!!!

LilMissEmmylou

i had my DD at 21 and ive had folk say things when im out with my mum about how old is her daughter! to which point i point out she is mine... i had one woman inform me 15 or 16 isnt really old enough to have a baby... again i informed her i was in my 20's. People can be idiots, let them get on with it and you get on with life being happy Id always be honest about it though - why hide something so beautiful

miserly_mum

Hi, i'm now 40 but I had my oldest son when I was youngish (21) and my youngest son at 38 and yes people do treat you differently.

Even in the hospital I was spoken to like a child even though I was a married woman and I hadn't the confidence to speak up for myself.

I went on to have 2 more(planned) children by the time I was 24 and people in general kind of assumed I was too daft to know what contraception was.

Unfortunately a lot of people do see all young Mums as "Vicky Pollards" but hey you know you aren't and you don't need to explain yourself to anyone.

Raising your child and having to speak for her and make sure she gets the best out of life will boost and build your confidence no end.

Don't worry about the other Mums at the pre school.There are cliques at most schools and don't let them get you down. You will find through time there are just as many Mums like yourself who feel excluded too.I know I did.

The job thing......its nothing to do with your age ,believe me.Unfortunately woman are constantly discriminated against when it comes to employment and having children. They just assume we put our children before our job and that men don't. Suppose this is unfair to most men aswell.

It sounds to me that your daughter is a lucky little girl and you and your OH should be proud of how well you have done and to hell with what anyone else thinks

bexsta-star

Take no notice of other people vtmil. You know that you are a good mum and your little girl will know that you are a good mum and that is all that matters.

I see lots of parents everyday (I work at a local sports centre running a pre-school activity session) and it is quite often the ones who sl*g of young mums (and those who are over weight/not wearing the right clothes/ not living in the right area/ alone with a baby/child - the list goes on and on) who are the worse. These mums spend 2 hours gossiping - usually about celebs, fashion and other mums whilst their own little darlings run wild, hit other kids, try to escape, pour juice all over the floor and squash biscuits into the amperatus. In my experience the young mums who make the time to come to the toddler groups are the ones who follow their child around, play with them and supervise their behaviour. You are amibitious, hard working and have a sensible approach to child rearing and life and as such I am sure that everything will work out well for you.

*Louise*

vtmil wrote: »

Hi, im 21 and mum to a beautiful nearly 3 year old daughter, but recently i've experienced negative attitudes directed towards me such as nasty or pitying looks, 'oooh your a bit young' comments, and i feel really pushed out by the older mums at my daughters pre-school. Its making me feel really down. I tried applying for some jobs. When i mentioned my little one i didn't get the job, i went to another interview but decided not to mention my family, and guess what, i got it! I just feel as though it always going to go against me, and now I have the problem of either telling or lying too my collegues about my daughter. I love her and she is my proudest achievement ever, but will i be automatically labeled a sl*g?

I'm not thick, i was on course to go to Oxford but then I fell pregnant to my first boyfriend(she wasn't planned, just a beautiful accident), we brought our own house, i study, work, the OH works, Our daughter is spoilt with love, she is our life and priority. We dont drink, smoke, go out (old b4 our time methinks!)Everything we do is for our baby. I want to be a teacher, i just feel that some peoples attitudes that all young parents are vicky pollards is going to follow me for the rest of my life? aggghhhhhh...!!!

Any other young parents feel the same? What do you do? Any ppl that have overcome my problem? I just want to feel more confident with my own life!!!!

Re-read the part of your post that I have highlighted.

Look at all the positives you have listed.

Now, think to yourself....you have all that - do you really care about what other people think??

Anyone who makes nasty comments obviously has something missing in their own lives if they have to comment on others. Forget them and BE HAPPY


Just for the record - I was pregnant with DS1 at 19 - (through choice), now at 28 I have 2 more kids, and I couldn't be happier. Other people make comments such as 'don't you have a tv' 'you should have gone to University' etc, but I don't give a monkey's. As far as I'm concerned, I have a wonderful life and to heck with what anyone else says.;)

*Louise*

Incidentally - about the job situation - I don't think you were turned down because of having a child at your age - a lot of companies just won't employ mothers of young children, whatever age they had them at.

I once worked for a company that, when looking for salesmen, any who applied who had kids or were even married - their applications went straight in the bin...

Doozergirl

You sound like a great mum and a very clever and focussed individual.

The other mums probably don't think that they can relate to you. You could either get involved by being part of a commitee or maybe doing a bit of fundraising if you feel you need to show them, otherwise, just get on with it. You have everything to be proud of

I also agree with *Louise*, I think the job thing is just because you're a mum at all I once went for a weekend job in an EA and they turned me down for someone with more experience. If you read my posts on the property board, without evenmeaning to blow my own trumpet, it's fairly apparant I have more experience then your average Saturday staff! They just think you will be unreliable and that's that. better not to mention them at interview. but be proud of your kids, tell your colleagues, don't be ashamed and let them see what a superwoman you are!

RoxieW

Hi hon
I'm 25 and have 2 little boys, aged nearly 5 (on Halloween) and 3. I love being a young mum - my kids give me so much joy. I went to Uni, I'm married, we have our own lovely house and I know I'm the best mum I can possibly be - yet somehow its frowned upon. What would people rather? That we're out on the p**s or spending our cash coke as a lot my age are? I think its fab and you've got your whole life ahead of you, and a beautiful daughter to share it with. You'll probably have a closer relationship for being a younger mum too - I like to think so anyway.
Regarding the job - don't tar every company with the same brush. I was lucky enough to get my dream job working in tv and I encountered nothing but support and encouragement from my boss/colleagues in this notoriously difficult to break into industry. Be honest now - you've got the job. Its not relevant whether you've got kids anyway - in fact, they shouldn't ask about it in an interview.
Best of luck!!

Merlot

*Louise* wrote: »

Incidentally - about the job situation - I don't think you were turned down because of having a child at your age - a lot of companies just won't employ mothers of young children, whatever age they had them at.

I once worked for a company that, when looking for salesmen, any who applied who had kids or were even married - their applications went straight in the bin...

Louise,

I used to also work for a company as a receptionist/pa to director (just 4 years ago), and if an applicant had a young child/or child of school age, the application went into the bin. It still happens today at that company (friendly with Directors wife), and many other companies as well. It may be discrimination, but you have to prove it happens.

*Louise*

^^Unfortunately it's not so easy to prove.

Still - who would want to work for any company who did that sort of thing anyway...

hobo28

Look at the other side of the coin though. When your child is an adult and left home, you will still be young enough to enjoy life whilst those "older mothers" are still up to their neck in kids.