Young Mum = Bad mum/bad person?

*Louise*

liney wrote: »

When i was pregnant (married and 24) swollen fingers ment i couldn't wear my wedding ring, and i do look young for my age so got some dreadful tutting from old ladies lol. Ignore them, take pleasure in the fact your life must be far more interesting than theirs if they haven't got anything better do do.

That tutting annoys me....:rolleyes:

My sister was 16 and out one day pushing a double buggy with a baby and a 1 year old....an old woman actually stopped her in the street and said it was terrible that she had kids at such a young age.

My sis looked her straight in the eye and informed her that, actually, she was only their babysitter, but if at any point she did end up a pregnant teenager, then it was no-one's damn business but her own!

:T :rotfl:

cobbingstones

Hi

I had my son when I was 19. I was made to feel very ashamed that I wasn't married. When I was in maternity my little ward was full of teachers. They all kept asking each other what was their maiden name (knowing I wasn't married) and one even mentioned that all the children with my son's name she knew where all trouble! Charming! Anyway I stopped eating for a week afterwards to afford a cheaper than cheap wedding ring.:o Being brought up a devote catholic didn't help things either. But that's another post.

What really shocks me is that if we fast forward 18 years to now single parents are still having to put up with this discrimination. I find it so perdantic (sp) that people have to have a go if you're a single parent, black, disabled or an older person. Just hold your head up high and feel sorry for them girl! They are just trying to make themselves feel better about who and what they are.

Good luck with your study and enjoy your daughter.

MM

Kelinik

I had both my kids by the time I was 21, didn't have either of them christened and we didn't get married until the youngest was 2 so I've had just about every comment you can imagine - and that's just from family lol!!

Have to say though that whilst it isn't pleasant I have been capable of ignoring it. Me, hubby and our gorgeous girls are doing just great and that's all that matters to me - when someone tells me I don't look old enough to have a 7 and 5 yr old I thank them!

DKLS

I learnt a long time ago, that apart from a handful of people who are very close to me, I dont care what others think of me, and I dont mean that in an egotistical way, i realised that some people will never like me or the decisions I make in my life, so why should I waste any energy on what they think.

My suggestion would be to stand up tall and proud of your achievements and feign deafness to the tutting muppets, you sound like a great mum. One of my mates was a "typical young mum benefits waster", 3 kids to 3 dads and on benefits all at 25.

With guts, determination, and lots of hard work, she worked towards a degree in nursing, She now lives in Boston USA earning over 50K a year and is having a great time.

WestonDave

Funny thing is - no matter how old you are when you have your first child, you will always be a novice parent with a near vertical learning curve in front of you. Age has some benefits in terms of maybe greater life experiences, but on the other hand youth often means you are better able to cope with the lack of sleep and demands that a child brings.

foreversomeday

I hate those vicky pollard mums! But I have the intelligence to see that accidents happen - to ALL age groups, and just because you're young doesn't automatically mean you're a bad person or bad mother!

I just fail to understand how age can factor in how "good" a parent you have the capacity to be. I know that I want kids one day, and I know who I want them with, and we're planning on waiting a while (mainly because we have no money now and If I get to choose, I'd rather have the full support of my family) but if I did get pregnant accidentally there's no way we'd think about anything else but keeping it. So you didn't go to uni? So? You'd probably only have got into loads of debt anyway :P I changed my mind about going to uni when I realised there was no way I'd be motivated enough to actually do the work. I'm working full time now, living in my own flat, and having the best time ever. And I'm getting experience which is probably better than qualifications anyway.

PS. I have a friend who had a baby when she left school at 16 and she's one of the best mums I know, and her son is so smiley and happy.

Pink_butterfly_3

I'm a young mum and i've never had any comments or looks from anybody.

The midwife and HV's were fantastic. No-one ever made any remarks about the fact I wasn't married when I had my first (we had to postpone the wedding because I got pregnant, lol). No-one has ever said anything.

Or maybe they have but I probably wouldn't notice as I couldn't give a hairy flying monkey about what anyone else thought. I know i'm a good mother and anyone that thinks because i'm young that isn't possible can, quite frankly, jog on!

anguk

I was pregnant with my DS when I was 18 and had him when I was 19, it didn't help that I'm only little and looked younger than my age, people were forever thinking I was his sister. He's now a very mature, responsible tax-paying 21 year old and I'm very proud of him and not wanting to blow my own trumpet but I think I've done a damn good job! I do remember though at the first visit to the hospital the midwife asked if I needed any help from the hospital social worker because I wasn't married! I soon put her straight & told her that I was living with my partner, we had our own home, he worked full-time and I didn't need any help thank you very much! They did always call me Mrs at the hospital and I always found it funny when they called my partner by my name because he never realised they were talking to him!

I had my DD when I was 26 and things were quite different. When I had DS I was the youngest in the ward and then the youngest mother when he went to school but when I had DD I was the oldest! I can remember sitting in the hospital day-room and feeling like an old woman!

tru

I had DS at 19, DD at 20. I used to get a few dirty looks, mostly from old ladies

My mum told me recently that my nan used to be surprised and impressed that I managed to keep the kids clean and they 'seem quite healthy, really' :rolleyes: :rotfl:

lindsaygalaxy

I got pregnant while at uni in my first year. I stayed there while pregnant ( got very funny looks) went into labour first day back of second year, and 6 weeks later was taking my baby into class with me as I wanted her with me. Everyone loved here and I still got my degree. No party lifestyle though! I commuted to uni, well art school and they were great.

While i was pregnant, i never drank, smoked (still dont) and still worked part time alongside my course. When I went out on my own, other people gave me dirty looks, when i was with my partner, they generally didnt. At the doctors/hospital and anti natel I felt like i was being constantly watched.

But once my DD was born i giave up caring what other people thought, im a good mum and thats all that matters. I still go out occasionaly, my friends love her, i people give me dirty looks i stare back! I now work full time, support my child, rent a private house at double the price of a council house as the council wont give me one, na dalthough I cant give her luxuries, we are happy.

Sometime when i pick her up from nursery and all the other mums and dads have nice expensive cars i feel awkard and theyre mostly all older than me, i just think how lucky I am to have my little girl.