Renovations and Repayments II: New Year, New Start, New Diary.

LadyGnome

Alex, one of the things I have found hardest as a parent is recognising that you cannot make everything easy and smooth for your child. They have to face challenges in order to grow. If you try to protect them from making mistakes or rescue them whenever things go wrong you are not allowing them to develop into a rounded person.
There are times with my own children I have had to really hold myself back from intervening and let them sort it out for themselves. Quite often they have resolved the situation more effectively and more quickly than I would have done.

I think that you also need to bear in mind that people may have a perception of you that is not correct but will pre-dispose them to make value judgments. If they think you are posh and you are naturally quite reserved, people may assume you are stand-offish or a snob. This could be completely unreasonable on their part but it means that they will be viewing your communications through the lens of their own prejudices. Most of us make value judgments about other people all the time. It is entirely possible people are misreading your tone which is why their view of you changes once they get to know you. May be just relax a little bit and don't worry what people think you will probably come over better than you realise.

hiddenshadow

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Oh Alex why on earth not? You said something that upset somebody, you knew it upset them and you didn't apologise? This is the old Alex not the new and more thoughtful Alex! Apologise now, its never too late, even if you meant no harm, harm was done and its ok to admit that. Apologising is a sign of strength, not weakness.

It could also be a teachable moment to LittleK. "A while ago I said something that I meant to be funny but it hurt someone, so I am going to apologise to them." He's not going to magically learn how to make situations better all by himself...you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone by tackling your own apology and using it as an example for LK.

Dansmam

Dear Alex, I generally just lurk but it's so sad to read you saying you don't like yourself I couldn't not jump in. I like you A LOT because I've read your journey and seen how hard you've worked at being a better person - and I don't think I'm the only one. You can and should be very proud of you. Hope you have a lovely day and little k enjoys the snow we're all wading through at the moment x

AlexLK

Thanks all. Been an eventful couple of days as I had to go on a business trip. Glad I took my LR. :rotfl: Son has had a brilliant couple of days with my cousin and her family. I've come home refreshed after a little time away to reflect on not getting overly anxious. Mrs. K. is pleased.

Red-squirrel: I didn't think a joke comment really warranted an apology. I still believe they were being oversensitive because I was the person to make the comment. Do know where you're coming from, though.

I suppose I feel I owe my parents and the only way I can possibly 'repay' them is with my time. Not currently having any counselling sessions.

Lady Gnome: Thank you, that is definitely true in my case. I want to protect him from any harm, especially harm caused by others. Rationally, I know that is not always feasible or even desirable.

I can see how others may perceive me in such a way.

Hidden: That sounds like a good idea.

Dansmam: Thank you. I think you give me far too much credit.

Red-Squirrel_2

AlexLK wrote: »

Red-squirrel: I didn't think a joke comment really warranted an apology. I still believe they were being oversensitive because I was the person to make the comment. Do know where you're coming from, though.

Apologising isn't always about what was intended, its about the result. I think its really important to be able to apologise when you realise that you've caused hurt, even if it absolutely wasn't your intention and even if you feel that its a bit unfair that the person took the comment in a hurtful way. There are a lot of people who just can't/won't ever apologise because they've been brought up to think its a sign of weakness, or a capitulation, or to care too much about 'losing face' and having to admit they got something wrong. Apologising is a sign of strength, and its really important in relationships with other humans, because there isn't a single one of us that's perfect and never gets anything wrong!

I also agree with hiddenshadow that it would be a great opportunity to teach LittleK all of the above, which will help him in forming relationships with his peers.

As for you 'owing' your parents, I can't phrase my answer to that politely so I'll have to just let you read between the lines. The people you DO owe your time to though are yourself, your wife and your son.

Anyway, I bet you've had some seriously impressive snow where you are! Have you had some snow days and managed to have a good play and make some snowmen?

Karmacat

Hi Alex, just popping my head round the corner to see that all's well - so nice to read that your little boy had a great time at your cousin's. Were there snowballs involved?

beanielou

Glad you are feeling more refreshed.
You are way way too hard on yourself I think.

AlexLK

Nice day snow day had with my son today. Also finally realised it's March and I have no targets for the coming month. :eek:

Red Squirrel: I understand where you're coming from. I don't have a problem with apologising to others, nor do I see apologising as a sign of weakness.

Had a lot of snow but today has been my first snow day with my son as I have been away.

Karmacat: Thank you. There were most definitely plenty of snowballs.

BeanieLou: Thank you, I'm glad I am too. :rotfl: Starting to realise how draining it was to be constantly anxious and being trapped in my own dark thoughts now I've had some time not being like that. I think I was trapped for many years because I'd practically forgotten what it was like to feel OK.

My wife says I'm too hard on myself also.

Red-Squirrel_2

AlexLK wrote: »

Red Squirrel: I understand where you're coming from. I don't have a problem with apologising to others, nor do I see apologising as a sign of weakness.

You're not going to do it this time though are you? I can tell. :cool::(

Glad you've been enjoying the snow, I wish I could but I've got to drive in it for work and it rather takes the fun out of it! Hope LittleK is making the most of it, he'll probably remember it for the rest of his life!

AlexLK

Had a nice weekend and been enjoying ourselves far too much to think about targets etc. :eek: :rotfl: Aware I need to try to get back on track as not up to date with much.

Red Squirrel: quite a lot of time has passed. To be honest, I don't think my family and their family are going to become friends.

We've had a lot of snow drives for both business and personal reasons, bit of an excuse to get the LR out. My son had a wonderful time enjoying the snow this weekend.