Renovations and Repayments II: New Year, New Start, New Diary.

beanielou

Sorry to hear this.

LadyGnome

Alex don't get too wound up about school friendships. Children your son's age chop and change friendships a lot. If it turns into overt bullying then speak to the school.

I know both of my sons have had issues where there has been low level bullying (at primary age). In one case I raised it with the school and in the other I told my son to go and play with a different group. They then sorted it out between them and are friends again. (The younger will probably fall out with the boy in question again and make up as they have done so once or twice a year since reception and they are now in Yr 6!).

Your son is old enough to understand that words can be hurtful so repeating what Granny has said isn't a good idea if it might upset someone. I agree that your son probably needs to spend less time with your parents if they are going express negative opinions on others.

You can't make people like you but if you are always seen to be courteous to that family and your son doesn't share anymore of Granny's thoughts then at some point they start to look a bit silly if they keep reacting negatively.

Suffolk_lass

LadyGnome is right Alex, just try to let it go. You can only change you, not what others think. The world is full of people who form an instant impression and dogmatically stick to it, no matter what. I remember as a manager hearing in a moderating meeting about something a member of my team had done that showed poor judgement combined with a degree of immaturity. I was happy to take it on board but asked why they had not fed it back to me at the time. "Oh it was when x was here" - x was my predecessor who had retired three years previously. Good grief. If we never allow people to grow and develop we live in a very sad place but it is their loss but if we let it impact on us it will make us sad too.

Red-Squirrel_2

Oh dear, sounds stressful! Did you apologise for your flippant comment at the time?

AlexLK

Thanks all.

Very interesting to read other points of view on new builds. They are not all the same but many seem to have similar characteristics. I've been told I'm giving too much but already have people keen to part with money and there's a good profit so calling that win-win. I suppose I'm likely not to warm towards newer buildings and some conversion projects which take the character out of the original property. Some are done well and the end result can be fantastic, so some hope there.

Unfortunately, the situation with my son is very stressful. He's not been friends with the child in question at any point and the other child is older, popular with other pupils and has a younger sibling also at the school. When disagreements happen I do consider whether a school with c.20 pupils between the ages of 4 and 11 is necessarily good.

If I'm being honest, I think my son decided to say something he knew would hurt the other family and had he not repeated something my mother said it would have been some other remark. I don't want my son to be perceived in the way I often am by others nor have an ability to wind people up easily without realising it before it's too late.

beanielou

It is a difficult situation.

AlexLK

February goals...

Financial
Save £1,500/£1,500
Sell £3,068.77/£4,000 Not managed to get around to selling more so far this month
Food budget £380/£450

Life
Meat free days 8/10
Alcohol free days 24/28
Books 1/3
Sort my sleep habits out (again) Getting there.

Work
Keep the computer organised
Keep learning
Journal
Somehow managing all these.

Had a bit of a crisis of confidence this morning over my ability to parent; I suppose I feel I have perhaps influenced my son's behaviour to others in a negative way. I know I have inherited some of my negative traits from my parents and don't wish to pass them to my son. His retaliation has surprised me and reminded me how I have treated others in the past. Don't want to see him lose friends.To add to a rubbish morning, I've had yet another disagreement with my parents over corporal punishment.

Luckily, the day did get better and we've managed to have a nice lunch, afternoon and early evening out together as a family.

beanielou

Being a parent is hard.
My DS is 25 & I am still learning :eek:

PositiveBalance

AlexLK wrote: »

If I'm being honest, I think my son decided to say something he knew would hurt the other family and had he not repeated something my mother said it would have been some other remark. I don't want my son to be perceived in the way I often am by others nor have an ability to wind people up easily without realising it before it's too late.

I think there are two different issues going on here, Alex:

1) Master LK deliberately said something hurtful.
2) Your reaction to this.

1) I imagine that this would be an opportunity for you to show young Master LK the error of his ways and that actions have consequences; if he does around being deliberately mean to people it will not make him popular. Perhaps this is an opportunity to show him the art of apologising? Followed by an explanation about how people shouldn't be mean to other people for no good reason. (Find out what triggered this - perhaps he is a little jealous that this other child is more popular than he is or something else?)

2) This sounds to me like you are projecting your own issues onto Master LK in this particular instance: you said you think he decided (i.e. made a conscious decision) to make the comment. You have identified that you have an accidental tendency to unintentionally say things sometimes that 'wind up' people. From what I've seen, when you accidentally do this, you are mortified, take the time to reflect on it, apologise and try to do better next time. Does this sound like the same type of behaviour as someone who decided to make a hurtful comment?

:T Good work on the February goals, BTW! :T

AlexLK wrote: »

Had a bit of a crisis of confidence this morning over my ability to parent; I suppose I feel I have perhaps influenced my son's behaviour to others in a negative way. I know I have inherited some of my negative traits from my parents and don't wish to pass them to my son. His retaliation has surprised me and reminded me how I have treated others in the past. Don't want to see him lose friends.To add to a rubbish morning, I've had yet another disagreement with my parents over corporal punishment.

The fact that you are so aware of your bad points (and perhaps you should give yourself a bit more credit for your good points, too!) and how these may/may not be passed down to Master LK speaks volumes about your parenting, Alex. I don't think you are a bad dad - I sneakily suspect you are a very good one. However, try to take a step back sometimes. Some of the things your son does will be the same things that every other child does and they will not be a result of you or our parents actions. Having said that, if you notice things in yourself or those around you that you don't want to pass down to Master LK, make a point of eliminating them as much as you can.
Remember: nobody is perfect and we will all (unintentionally) pass something down to the next generation. The fact that you are trying so hard not to already puts you leagues above lots of parents who just don't care one way or the other.

P.S. With your parents, there is no 'disagreement'. They might not like your way but tough: they stick to your rules or there are consequences, a bit like with Master LK. (The older I get and the older my remaining parental gets, the more I realise that older people are often like children with more attitude! :rotfl:)

beanielou wrote: »

Being a parent is hard.
My DS is 25 & I am still learning :eek:

I don't have any. I'm getting as many lessons in as a I can before I start! :rotfl: :eek: :rotfl:

PositiveBalance

edinburgher wrote: »

Edit: as for the wife story - oh God - how awkward to hear those sorts of comments from her creeper colleagues :eek: Let's raise our sons to behave better, eh Alex?

Thank God for decent men like you, Ed & Alex :beer:: until more of your gender are on board, there will unfortunately always be need for movements like #metoo.