How to fairly contribute to bills in a relationship?

krlyr

michelle09 wrote: »

I don't think there is a 'right' way to do it. I think there is the way that you and your partner sit down and decide works for you. If you can't resolve this before you move in, then I doubt the relationship will survive that long anyway.

Exactly. And your views may even change over time, or differ from one relationship to the next. You might even find what you figured was a really sensible idea on moving in together doesn't work out or doesn't make sense in the future.

When my ex and I first moved in, I was renting a house with my brother and his girlfriend. We all paid a flat rate, dependent on room size, a bit like a houseshare. The money covered all bills, regardless of whether one used more electricity than the other or anything (not sure you could really have measured it anyway), and we had a kitty we all contributed to for household goods like toilet rolls, cleaning products, etc. Easy peasy, we were all at the age where we'd probably have been in a houseshare anyway and none of us would ever have been able to buy the property so we'd all walk away from it anyway.

When we moved out and bought our own place, we "split" the mortgage - though it came out of his bank account, and the equivalent figure came out of my bank in the form of bills & grocery shopping. This seemed pretty fair to me, I was getting just as much use of the house as he was, I was using half the water/electric/internet/etc. We then worked out a spending budget after all essential costs, and left ourselves with an equal 'free spending' pot - the excess was put into making overpayments on the mortgage.

We did some sums on house ownership too, as he put in a larger deposit and paid larger overpayments due to his higher salary - which seemed fair to me at the time. But over time, it shifted. I started earning more, so I started contributing more in overpayments. He started getting stressed with his higher overpayments so had the occasionally spending spree with the spare cash instead. He used the spare bedroom in the house, whereas I had the joy of maintaining the large garden (it was a benefit for my dogs but it was certainly a chore mowing 100' of grass by myself!). Mortgage payments reduced over time as we overpaid, while bills and grocery costs increased. And while I wasn't physically handing over as much money on overpayments as he was, I was the one batch-cooking, going without new clothes, driving an old car (he got a new work car every three years) etc. to be able to contribute as much as I could afford. It got to the stage where I felt it was very unfair, and we ended up amending the trust on the house split as I thought it was time to recognise the relationship as an equal contribution from both of us, even if it wasn't financially matched.

I have to say, the inequality did put a strain on our relationship. It ended because of other issues but it really didn't help matters when I was trying to decide if I wanted to stay - did I want to keep making all these sacrifices in a relationship and feel like I was somehow worth a bit less, even though I was physically contributing as much as I could, in terms of both money and effort. But a big part of that was probably down to the other issues too, so it really would be impossible to say that our method was good/bad. Had those other issues not cropped up, I probably would have been happier with the situation knowing that it was short-term (we were on schedule to pay off our mortgage within a few years) and also that the situation would possibly change in the future - I was in the middle of accountancy qualifications and aware that there was a good change my earnings could overtake my ex's and then I would have more free money of my own.

After that experience, my view on splitting finances will probably be quite a contrast, too. I'm not at the stage of my new boyfriend moving in yet, but when we reach that point then it's going to be something we'll sit down and work through together. There's going to be factors that make that situation unique too - e.g. he currently lives an hour and a half away so there's location/job aspects, I own and he doesn't so that's another dynamic to consider, my salary is pretty decent now I've completed my qualifications so I will be the higher earner..so it really will be a case of us working out what we're both happy with and what works for the both of us.

mattpaint

martinbuckley wrote: »

You could always offer to go 50/50 on the rent, but....

1. Go 50/50 on utilities after the standing charges have been deducted (he'd be paying them whether you are there or not)

2. Pay the extra 25% on the Council Tax (he'd be paying 75% of the rate as a single occupant).

And she would have to pay all the bills in her own place, and the 75% council tax too.

Why is it that some people see their partners as a cash cow and don't want to pay their way?

Sambella

Ifgoing on gross pay a 40/60 split wouldn’t be fair to someone earning £10k more as they would likely also pay tax and NI on the £10k. Possibly double what the person earning 10k less pays.

if you go on net pay the split could then very well be closer to 55/45.

Vikipollard

Do you see it as a committed relationship? I know nothing about renting - if the relationship goes south, do you have any rights or responsibilities in relation to the tenancy?

Our situation is different in that we are now married. When we first got together, mortgage in his sole name (but i paid deposit) and all household bills were in DH's name and paid from his account. I covered food and some spends - but he earned more than three times what I did (£32k vs £9k).

Fast forward 15 years, and I now earn close enough to what he does (£32k vs £29k). The mortgage is now joint - he pays 400, I pay 300 (we are overpaying as much as we can each month).

He pays council tax, elec/gas, phone/internet and mobiles, so 710 inc mortgage. He also has 80pw to pay for a room he rents in someone's house Mon-Thu, as he works over 100 miles away, to manage his tiredness by staying over a couple of nights a week. That adds up to 400/month to his costs if it's a five week month, plus diesel. On a good month, he is able to give me £250 to add to savings. He has probably £25-30/week he spends on food etc whilst working away.

I pay life ins, house ins, car ins for both, water, sky, Tv licence (549 inc mortgage), but I also pay for all groceries, my diesel, haircuts for us both, any social spending, and save £575/month - but I have b***er all left most months before payday LOL!! I take all my meals to work, as I am now fortunate enough to be able to walk as it's only 3 miles away. Clearly he fills up his car most weeks, I fill up every 6-8 weeks. Significant difference in costs!

On paper, I earn less but pay more. In reality, it's a partnership and what we have collectively is ours. We never look at it as percentages.

Hope this helps in some way, but suspect it's more likely to have confused the issue!!

musharoom

My partner earned 4 times my salary when we moved in together and wanted to split bills 50/50.

I agreed only if we moved to a property within my budget constraints as the lowest earner. We looked at a few places, the only ones within affordability for me (assuming the 50/50 split) were bedsits. He refused to live in a bedsit on the grounds he could afford not to.

We made a compromise - the maximum I could comfortably front (e.g. in a bedsit) and he topped it up to afford the accommodation he wanted. Dumped our contributions into a joint account and paid all bills together from there. We were committed and in for the long haul!

When we bought a house, he put up lions share of deposit (inheritance) and I bought all the furniture/repair work etc. Married now and, due to unfortunate job circumstances on my front, he props up full mortgage repayments and most bills until I can return the favour. As he said recently, it's our money for our lives together, whichever of us earns it.