How to fairly contribute to bills in a relationship?

Gloomendoom

maman wrote: »

Although I'd think in the case of your mother's generation 18 years of childcare and housekeeping would likely be seen as fair exchange so I can see why she'd perhaps feel indignant.

What has my mother's generation got to do with it?

Are you suggesting that for a woman of a more recent generation, devoting umpteen years to childcare and housekeeping is no longer a fair exchange and that woman is, in effect, living a subsidised life?

AubreyMac wrote: »

When he sold his flat he used the money to pay off her mortgage. So it's swings and roundabouts.

That is exactly how it works. I needed a new car. My wife paid for it. We both need a roof over our heads. I pay the mortgage bill.

There is no question that one of us is financially subsidising the other. The notion is absurd.

Janey3

One joint pot here and has been for the last 34 years. There's been times we've supported each other due to unemployment etc. We do take out an equal amount for our personal spends. Suppose it's a bit old fashioned these days but it works for us.

Wouldn't make any difference if a child came to stay for periods, we would fund it together.

svain

I don't understand why the occasional visit of his child means he should pay more of the bills. Totally decisive way to live

maman

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Beware of assumptions. My wife earns the same or possibly even slightly more than I do.

Gloomendoom wrote: »

We are a family unit. All money coming into the relationship is family money. It doesn’t matter who pays the bills.

Of course it doesn't matter to you as in your situation 'paying the bills' just means paying out from a shared pot of money which you are contributing to equally so who physically sets up the DD or signs the cheque is immaterial.


It's obtuse not to recognise that not all relationships are like that which prompted OP's original question.

enjoyyourshoes

This is a very interesting Q !

There are so many options, just a few above.

It also depends on your take on the terminology of 'bills' and what could be in that category and what would be out.

Why not gather the different options above, add a few of your own and then have a grown up debate with partner to come up with a great option.

People have mentioned holidays, so you can throw into the melting pot saving (then work out what your both agree you should be saving for), investments (again discuss what your future timescales look like for investing, risk profile and why you're investing)

Great opportunity for you both !

Good debating.

AubreyMac

svain wrote: »

I don't understand why the occasional visit of his child means he should pay more of the bills. Totally decisive way to live

3/4 nights of the week isn't occasional to me.


A couple only need a 1 bed property. If they rented a 2 bed to accommodate his child for half the week then I think it's fair enough he pays more.

svain

AubreyMac wrote: »

3/4 nights of the week isn't occasional to me.


A couple only need a 1 bed property. If they rented a 2 bed to accommodate his child for half the week then I think it's fair enough he pays more.

The minute you consider potential step-children as anything but a joint responsibility you may aswell not get together on the first place.

maman

AubreyMac wrote: »

3/4 nights of the week isn't occasional to me.


A couple only need a 1 bed property. If they rented a 2 bed to accommodate his child for half the week then I think it's fair enough he pays more.

I think that could be a valid point in some circumstances.
However, in this case the OP is choosing to move into the BF's existing property with the bills already in place. The only difference should be extra council tax which probably offsets the child's extra food costs. Presumably the BF already pays out in other ways for when the child is elsewhere.

74jax

We have one joint account for bills. Hubby puts in about 2/3rds and I put in a third to cover bills. It's just a standing order, we put in about £100 more than needed to cover fluctuation in heating etc, but we never look at it, don't use it, never check it - to be fair we do about once a year when changing suppliers etc but that's it.

The rest of the money is just in our individual accounts. No idea how much he has, same for him knowing what I have.

We both have good paying jobs, don't spend all our pay etc so once bills are paid we can do what we like.

I've been very much in a different situation, completely in debt, couldnt afford to feed myself and child so had to go without. In that situation we needed one account as we needed to account for every single penny.

michelle09

I don't think there is a 'right' way to do it. I think there is the way that you and your partner sit down and decide works for you. If you can't resolve this before you move in, then I doubt the relationship will survive that long anyway.

We have a joint money pot. If you want to look at it 'mathematically' I have not paid anything to the mortgage or bills in the last 6 months, it's all come out of my husband's salary. But next month I will be paying builders 15k for various bits of repair work on our house. We don't consider it to be subsidising. We're a couple, and what we both put isn't only valued financially!