Can jealousy and possessiveness change?

Comms69

Money_maker wrote: »

You're a fairly new user too although 319 posts in 15 days does speak volumes.


OP, I'm with you. After 9 years he wont change. If he takes drugs he's a loser. Dump him and move on.

As opposed to getting drunk and flirting with your friends husband?

Starrystarrynight1

Assuming this is a genuine post, you've had some awful responses, OP. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone on here, nor do you have to confine yourself to the house playing the dutiful, well presented 50s style housewife.

Never say never but, after so long, I think it's unlikely that change is possible. If I were you, I wouldn't be prepared to put up with being spoken to like that anymore, but only you can know how much more you can take. Yes, you have an otherwise lovely lifestyle, but is it worth the anxiety and being blamed for everything.

pinkshoes

Kmx wrote: »

He then doesn't come home until 8am the next morning and took drugs.

If my husband did this he would be out the door. I wouldn't let him near the kids without a drugs test!

Your OH sounds like my ex (although no drugs!). Very controlling and made me feel like sh*t.

Walking away was the best thing I ever did.

If he wants to change then he can do it in his own time and come back when he is ready to behave like a man rather than a tw*t.

Fireflyaway

After 9 years I think its unlikely he will change. In a new relationship it can take as while to build trust but 9 years in you should trust each other.
You mention drink / drugs and bad communication ( shouting, accusations, kicking stuff) that's a really bad combination. You are both likely to react differently under the influence or if one of you is being rude to the other its more likely you will trade insults.
Sounds maybe your husband doesn't feel valued enough. Do you show your appreciation? From what you have said about him he sounds jealous and short tempered but how do you speak to him?
Think about the kids too. If they grow up in a house where trading insults is normal, that's how they will become.