Card etiquette

Spendless

My next door neighbour died just over a year ago. We didn't know what to write in her widow's christmas card, it felt awful to write just his name. As it happened he solved the dilemma by sending one first signed from him and the pets names.

That may be a way round if Godmother lives alone (assuming she has pets), otherwise I'd go with her name and family.

thorsoak

I think I would write "To Jemina, with best wishes for Christmas - and, as always remembering Tom"

Ms_Chocaholic

Does she send a card to you? Wait until you get one from her to see what she writes and then send one back.

Tiny_steps

He was living at home, he was on holiday when he went missing.

She doesn’t send Christmas cards, but I will check my birthday card next year and see what she writes. I am going to use Thorsoak suggestion and so are my parents.

Thanks for all the advice.

Tiny_steps

Well you never know, there’s a slight chance he may return and read it. That’s kind of the problem, the not knowing and the tiny bit of hope he might suddenly walk through the door one day, so that’s why we always wrote his name.

Torry_Quine

I only put who the card is from so you could do that.

takman

Tiny_steps wrote: »

He was living at home, he was on holiday when he went missing.

She doesn’t send Christmas cards, but I will check my birthday card next year and see what she writes. I am going to use Thorsoak suggestion and so are my parents.

Thanks for all the advice.

If she doesn't send Christmas Cards then why send one to her at all?. Some people aren't bothered if they receive Christmas cards or not and i'm sure if she really wanted to receive them she would send them out.

Fireflyaway

How long ago was this? I could understand for the first Christmas but if this is someway down the line maybe its best to address it solely to her. Its nice to respect her son but could be upsetting reminding her that he isn't there for Christmas?

PrettyKittyKat

I think this is a personal thing, and the easiest would be to ask her. My friend had a stillborn baby - not the same situation I know but relevant. She has spoken openly about how it pains her to have cards addressed to her and her husband without her sons name, as though he never existed and isn't part of her family, which for her he very much is. She signs cards from her, her husband and her son. I have always ensured that I include his name as I know she prefers and find comfort in this.

Similarly when an elderly friend was widowed I received a card from him and his deceased wife, therefore I wrote their christmas card to both of them taking his lead. I guess after 50 years of being a partnership he didn't want to change it? I'm not sure but I respected what he signed off as in my card.

Although on the other hand I could completely understand if someone found seeing their lost/deceased family members name heartbreaking.

As she doesn't send cards I would mention it to her and ask what she prefers.

svain

PrettyKittyKat wrote: »

I think this is a personal thing, and the easiest would be to ask her. My friend had a stillborn baby - not the same situation I know but relevant. She has spoken openly about how it pains her to have cards addressed to her and her husband without her sons name, as though he never existed and isn't part of her family, which for her he very much is. She signs cards from her, her husband and her son. I have always ensured that I include his name as I know she prefers and find comfort in this.

Similarly when an elderly friend was widowed I received a card from him and his deceased wife, therefore I wrote their christmas card to both of them taking his lead. I guess after 50 years of being a partnership he didn't want to change it? I'm not sure but I respected what he signed off as in my card.

Although on the other hand I could completely understand if someone found seeing their lost/deceased family members name heartbreaking.

As she doesn't send cards I would mention it to her and ask what she prefers.

I wouldn't find it distressing ... just very odd/creepy that anyone would include my late wife name on correspondence to me .... let alone the poor baby's name