Card etiquette

Tiny_steps

Hello

I wanted to get some more opinions, family and friends ones are mixed but none have gone through anything similar.

My godmother has a son who went missing abroad a few years ago. Sadly it is likely he is no longer alive however there is no evidence either way. Every year when we write her a Christmas Card, we always include his name on it, I’m wondering whether this is the right thing to do or not? I don’t feel comfortable in asking my godmother and neither doesn’t do my parents as she flat out refuses to talk about it anymore. I just wondered if anyone had been in this position before, or unfortunately had someone go missing and can offer any advice?

Thanks

Oakdene

Could you put on the card "To <Name of Godmother> & family"?

Faith177

If she refuses to talk about I would say leave his name off and it probably upsets her

Tabbytabitha

I'd ask your parents and do what they do.

Attila_the_Bun

That is quite tricky.

I would address it to her, I think.

Tiny_steps

Thank you, my parents put his name on it too but now are also questioning it.

fairy_lights

My OH had a cousin who died tragically young and we have the same dilemma when writing out cards for his mother. We usually stick with "to Jemima and family".
Or I suppose not writing the name of the recipient in at all could work, just start with 'Merry Christmas!' and then write a slightly longer message to fill space.

Oakie

I think I would address it to her,but also after the usual seasonal greetings put ' always thinking of NAME '
What a very sad thing to of happened

lincroft1710

fairy_lights wrote: »

My OH had a cousin who died tragically young and we have the same dilemma when writing out cards for his mother. We usually stick with "to Jemima and family".

I would have thought this would have been straightforward. If there are other family members "Jemima and Family", if the mother lives alone "Jemima". It is really no different when a spouse of a relative dies, you wouldn't still send a card to "Jemima and Joseph", just to "Jemima".

lincroft1710

Reflecting on the original post, it seems odd to me to keep sending cards to "mother and son", when son clearly was not living at home. If he had returned home, then I am sure you would have heard about it from the mother.

Malthusian

Tiny_steps wrote: »

My godmother has a son who went missing abroad a few years ago. Sadly it is likely he is no longer alive however there is no evidence either way. Every year when we write her a Christmas Card, we always include his name on it, I’m wondering whether this is the right thing to do or not?

To be blunt I think it's weird and potentially distressing. You may not know whether he is alive or dead, but you do know for certain he's not going to read the card. Why address it to him?

I'm not surprised she "refuses to talk about it" - for that matter, why even bring it up?