Anyone else found it difficult to connect with OH family?

svain

I get this totally ... I have a very different relationship with my folks than my partner does with hers.

Im a pop in for half hour at a time, quick chat and then on with rest of my day type

My partners family seem to need to spend hours (i mean 8hours+ at times) when they get together .... over and above multiple birthdays etc ... As much as i am very fond of all of them all ... its just not my thing

Tabbytabitha

Primrose wrote: »

Franny, I read your other recent post and it seems this dilemma of settle and socialise, or escape and travel is still very much preoccupying you.
Have you ever been diagnosed as autistic to any degree. A lot of the traits you admit to ie, liking your own company, feeling uncomfortable with socialising etc often fall somewhere in this spectrum.

I think it’s time to be honest with your partner. Part of you just wants to escape and ai think if you don’t so your travelling now and get it out of your system it will slowly eat away at you. Your personality isnt going to change magically overnight. Of you’re struggling with these dilemmas in ten years time you going to become a pretty trapped and resentful person. It sounds as if you and your partner come from opposite personality perspectives in many ways. If you’re still going to have these feelings further down the line the good things about your relationship by then will probably have slowly eroded in an undercurrent of resentment that life is passing you by.

frannyj543 wrote: »

No I'm in their country have been just over a year. I can speak the basics and am doing 3 classes a week but it's not easy combined with working 40+ hours.

It's either go into another room or sit there with a sour face. Imagine sitting with say your bf/gfs friends all talking about football or something your not interested in. Now imagine they are speaking another language. Youd reach to your phone more often than once.

I know it can be a strain but there's no better way to learning a language than being surrounded by people speaking it.
You can always look pleasant and interested even if inside you're bored stiff and definitely don't reach for your phone. The very least you owe them is to be good mannered, after all.

ManofLeisure_2

z1a wrote: »

IMO all single children grow up odd.

That's rather like saying that all children with siblings grow up 'normal' - just isn't the case.

Primrose

Your partner must have noticed all these reticence behaviours in you. I can,t believe she hasn’t noticed made some comments about it so it might be helpful if yiu have us some 8nsight into how she deals with them from her point of view.
If you haven’t made any comments to her about them then I can only assume you are not as close as you imagine you are and if you’re going through all these hidden emotions without being able to share them, then I think longer term your nice stable relatiioship as you call it, is going to be in for a shock at some point when she realises the person she is with is not actually the person she believes you to be.

You need to give yourself time for your language skills to improve. Perhaps your overall communication with others may then consequentially improve but speaking another language better won’t necessarily improve your communication skills with others if you're not necessarily sociable person.

pinkshoes

frannyj543 wrote: »

Imagine sitting with say your bf/gfs friends all talking about football or something your not interested in. Now imagine they are speaking another language. Youd reach to your phone more often than once.

Imagine? Nah, been there! My ex was foreign and we spent a lot of time abroad with his family who didn't speak much English (wouldn't speak English - fair enough in their country!) .

But not once did I go sit elsewhere!! I made an effort, as my ex's friends and family were important to him. I got them to help me with the language, I attempted to gain an interest in their interests (I feel like a volleyball expert now) and tried to join in. After five years it was much easier.

I'd say perhaps you and your OH are not particularly suited??? Maybe it's time to move on...

ska_lover

Op if i were you, i just wouldn't bother trying to be honest on this site, as clearly the knives are out now - and you are going to be now repeatedly told about the awful state of your relationship by strangers who fancy having a dig

pearl123

Perhaps you are just an introvert? It’s not an easy situation if there are communication issues. To me it’s quite normal that you escape to another room. Don’t feel guilty about it.
With my first partner I got on with his family like a house on fire, but with my present one when I’m in the company of his family I feel like I’m chewing my own teeth off. I dread all gatherings. There are rather narcissist people and I have absolutely nothing in common with them. I hate small talk and dislike prentending that we are bosom pals.
I go to some gatherings but make excuses to escape from others. Occasionally, meeting up can go better than expected. I like down to earth people and feel that OH family are full of ego. They bore me.