Work's Xmas Party Exclusion

Comms69

MLA73 wrote: »

I just found out earlier in the week that one of my colleagues has organised an unofficial Xmas Party for work colleagues and invited all 25 or so office staff, with the exception of myself and 2 others.

I'm this person's boss and work alongside her husband who hasn't said anything to me either. I'm a little confused and a little hurt as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately and been very praiseworthy of this individual. Either I've really upset this person or someone else is pushing the buttons.

The company I work for is very cliquey as most of the people who work there are either in their 20's and early 30's (I'm in my 40s) and live either in the local commuter town or near to it and I don't.

This person has a precedence - she got married last year and similarly everyone from work was invited with the exception of 1 or 2 people (I was invited on this occasion and attended), but I told her future husband at that time that it was a bit off to do this.

I know an unofficial staff party and occasions such as weddings are not work occasions so outside the jurisdiction of work but I feel using these situations to make some people at work social pariahs is a bit off.

Does anyone have any advice? Should I confront this person and her husband and let them know how uncomfortable they have made me feel, should I make them aware indirectly that I'm aware what has happened and play with their minds (this is the vengeful me talking I know!) or do nothing and be the bigger person?

Thanks.

You have absolutely no right to be upset, and certainly no right to attend. Your employees social life is very little to do with you.

Dizzy_Ditzy

Act like a petulant child about not being invited and you may as well just push yourself further down the river.

Say nothing. It's an unofficial night out and it doesn't give you the right to go. As someone else said, give them a few quid for a round of drinks and wish them a good night. They'll think far more of you for doing that then they would if you chucked your toys out of the pram over it

janninew

It’s not clear but is the husband in a managerial position?

I had similar issues when starting to organise a work party and didn’t want to invite certain people, I ended up not bothering because to invite everybody bar a couple from a work place isn’t very good form, yet if I had invited them it would have caused massive problems because they weren’t very popular! It’s a mine field and I just don’t socialise with colleagues anymore- it’s easier!

zagfles

Alternatively - if you or the other managers not invited are senior enough to hold the company purse strings - organise another night out paid for by the company. Even the "inverted snobs" who won't drink with the boss aren't likely to turn down a free night out! And if they do all the more for you to spend on your do!

Best not clash though

pearl123

You are in a senior position. It is pretty much the norm that you wouldn't be included.

svain

what boss in their right mind would want to go??

chesky

My son organises the work do for his NHS team at Christmas and arranges all the catering and drinks from the department budget. He buys them all a present from himself. He stays for a drink for 15 minutes, then he's off. As they all quite like him, they always ask him to stay on but he never does. He goes out to dinner with his g/f. Result - everybody happy.

AubreyMac

Do you know the venue this party will be taking place? Perhaps you and the other 2 bosses could go there for a party of your own, ha!


I can understand people do not want their bosses there but at the end of the day I think anyone would feel the exclusion regardless of position. I was once invited to a colleague's wedding that I didn't know well, I think she only invited me out of obligation as she invited everyone in my team (that she knew better as they have all been working together for decades and they knew her hubby too) so she might have felt awkward or guilty to have excluded me. I didn't go anyway as I didn't know her well enough.


Let it go, if you make a fuss they will only be more discreet the next time.

AubreyMac

zagfles wrote: »

+2. I can't believe in this day and age anyone has a problem socialising with their boss, we always have works dos where everyone is invited right up to senior management and they're always a great laugh.

+3 for me.


I'm still very good friends with a former boss of mine. The second I walked in for my interview there was a spark. Within 5 mins she said she had a good feeling about me.


I meet up with her on average once a month, in fact I'm seeing her next week for a meal. It's been nearly 6 years since I left that company and she recently left too.


However, there were boundaries though. We both had different opinions and different methods of working which at times can clash and it was difficult to sometimes not take things personally.


I think it worked well as we became friends through work. As much as I love the close friends I have in my life and consider our friendship to be strong, I'm sure working with any one of them could break up that friendship.

NeilCr

AubreyMac wrote: »

+3 for me.


I'm still very good friends with a former boss of mine. The second I walked in for my interview there was a spark. Within 5 mins she said she had a good feeling about me.


I meet up with her on average once a month, in fact I'm seeing her next week for a meal. It's been nearly 6 years since I left that company and she recently left too.


However, there were boundaries though. We both had different opinions and different methods of working which at times can clash and it was difficult to sometimes not take things personally.


I think it worked well as we became friends through work. As much as I love the close friends I have in my life and consider our friendship to be strong, I'm sure working with any one of them could break up that friendship.

+4.

I’m still very good friends with my last boss even though I retired nearly ten years ago. We meet up regularly and are off on a booze run, together, to Calais on Friday

I’ve always had very relaxed relationships at work - both as a manager and being managed. And still have a number of friends who I met though work. Everyone does need to understand the boundaries though.

I agree with @AubreyMac. There is a difference between friends you make at work and working with friends you already know