A Simpler Life 2018

VJsmum

Bluegreen (and typical blonde) - also meant to say don't worry about others. My kids also had a lot of hand me downs and chazzer clothes - and we were probably the most well off of our friendship group But kids grow out of stuff so quickly that i could never see the point in paying a fortune.

One of my son's classmates, his mother didn't work at all (i worked part time) but every single day of the holidays they were in kids clubs as she didn't want to give up her coffee mornings, gym, nails, hair etc. I don't like to judge - but that was a bit :eek: EVERY DAY.... Once or twice a week maybe, but every day was a bit much.. Still the kids seem to have grown up ok.

We were lucky cos my DS was train mad, and due to a combination of being members of a preserved railway and OH working for the railways meant we rarely had to pay for steam train rides. Local parks often had miniature ones that you could ride for a couple of quid. We also had family membership of the National Trust so "a big smelly old house" was often on the agenda - mind neither would go anywhere near one now :rotfl: but they learned an awful lot of history from going - DS is now studying history at uni so something must have rubbed off.

On the days I worked, the childminder did crafty stuff - i am not crafty AT ALL so that was a bonus :rotfl:

We did have 'stay at home' days or parts of days as well.

I loved the school holidays - i always hated it when they went back to school. i remember my neighbour saying "6 weeks of hell starts today" at the beginning of a summer holidays but I never felt like that..

Siebrie

Bluegreen143 wrote: »

Becoming a mum I feel it 100x more though. None of existing friends had children yet (even though my husband is nearly 34) so we have another group of “Mum & dad” friends now. Lovely people but they are mostly much more well off than us and it’s hard feeling like the poor one of the group. It’s hard feeling like everyone else buys so much more for their kids - it makes you second-guess yourself even though I don’t think “stuff” is good for kids. My son went abroad for the first time just before his second birthday; we went away with a family member who had a free place for us due to someone else dropping out. Some of my friends had taken their 18month olds abroad 5-8x by then. I’m actively fighting against the prevalence of over-scheduling for tots by avoiding scheduled classes (I also don’t like pushing structured activities at this age and prefer to let him play). Even though I feel this is right, I find myself second-guessing my decisions constantly. I’m off with LB every day as gave up work to be a SAHM (the only one of this group of friends who has, despite being the least well off - but not poor enough to get tax credits). Friends who work 3/4 days a week nevertheless often take their toddlers to 2/3 or more structured activities a week (I mean expensive “classes” not church playgroups etc - £5-8 a class usually for toddler sports or music or art activities). I worry I look lazy or cheap or like I don’t care. A friend was frankly incredulous I make my own playdough.

I have 2 daughters, aged 6 and 9, and we live in a village. I decided early on that they can only do 1 activity per week each, preferably together, and only in the village. I don't want to be a taxi-mummy, and I think they can enjoy the sports on offer as much as any other (more expensive, further away). The most important thing is that they learn to amuse themselves.

For feeling insecure: own your activities! Making playdough is your 'thing', teach your kids, teach your friends' kids, pride yourself on being able to do this, because you are a SAHM. Poor them, who have to buy the ready-made one

VJsmum

Siebrie wrote: »

I have 2 daughters, aged 6 and 9, and we live in a village. I decided early on that they can only do 1 activity per week each, preferably together, and only in the village. I don't want to be a taxi-mummy, and I think they can enjoy the sports on offer as much as any other (more expensive, further away). The most important thing is that they learn to amuse themselves.

For feeling insecure: own your activities! Making playdough is your 'thing', teach your kids, teach your friends' kids, pride yourself on being able to do this, because you are a SAHM. Poor them, who have to buy the ready-made one

^^ what Siebrie said.

One of our 'things' was baking - I made cakes etc. with our kids, friend's kids, nieces and nephews. And then they get to eat it - result!!

Seraph123

Just de-lurking for moment to say i work with a colleague who has a six year old daughter, The colleague and her husband both work for same employer but he is higher management and she is middle. Combined incomes of approx 100k. They arrive in separate cars every day and the little girl is dropped at breakfast club at 8 and picked at 6 from after school club everyday. They seem to argue most days about who will drop off and collect the child. Some days she goes straight from there to gymnastics, Rainbows or piano lessons and gets home about 730-8. A long day for anyone never mind a 6 year old then on a Saturday morning she has athletics and dancing classes. Colleague is always telling me how tired the little girl is and how she cant get her up most mornings and that she is getting worried about her. she also confessed that she would like to be able to spend more time at home herself and I casually (but foolishly) suggested that maybe she should think about going part time until little girl was a bit older. Better for both of them etc etc etc. She looked at me horrified, as if id admitted to eating kittens on toast for breakfast, and said she couldn't possibly do that as there was no way they could afford to lose any income at all and were barely managing as it was and their daughter would be mortified by not being able to do all the things her friends did. I didnt venture a further opinion My own son is 31 now and recently returned to uni to study to be a teacher. He had a really good, well paid job but was unhappy and unfulfilled and with the encouragement of his partner took the plunge and went back to uni. Although his dad and I are now divorced he is very close to both of us and his childhood was filled with visits to the museum, train rides, collecting conkers, camping in the garden, friends always there for tea, storytime in the library, treasure hunts, Easter egg hunts and too too many things to list. His dad and I took turns to take him to school and pick him up everyday( we both worked but id left my job when he was born and went back to work part time when he started school). We had quite a low income so no money to spend on clubs and activities, fancy clothes and toys and only really started to go on holiday when he was about 8 but it was always camping or a caravan somewhere in Wales. My son has wonderful happy memories of his childhood and says he wouldnt have changed things for the world and even says those happy times were part of his reason to go to train to be an infant teacher so he could help kids to see the delight and pleasure in the world around them.
BTW i am loving this thread and thank you to everyone who contributes and passes on so many wonderful stories and such brilliant advice

jackyann

Bluegreen, you have some good advice on here, I hope it increases your self-confidence.
Can I just add to the conversation about swimming lessons - as long as you are happy in the water yourself (and I know some aren't) then just take your kids to the pool for fun. The biggest obstacle to learning to swim is feeling at home in the water. For generations our family has just taken kids to play in the water. We now take our grandchildren, and play just the same way my mum played with me. Now even that isn't cheap, but it cheaper and less pressured than swimming lessons.
Also, just every so often, count or do a rhyme in another language, just so they sometimes hear something a bit different. When we are counting anything, as you do with small children, every so often we use another language, and we laugh, and I say 'that's how they say it in ....'. It's nothing special, but just helps to cultivate curiosity and understanding.

I'd add that activities such as Woodcraft Folk, Cubs, Brownies, when they are older are very worthwhile, and those groups are very careful about including families on a limited budget.

I'd like to say, as many on here know, I was a SAHM on a careful budget. I have 4 fantastic grown up kids who are all have good strong relationships, contribute to their communities, and do difficult and worthwhile jobs.

fuddle

I knew years ago I couldn't keep up any more. I stopped playing. My friends didn't want to be my friends anymore. I think it's a mixture between I just couldn't afford to take part and I was no longer yummy mummy material. I guess my face no longer fit. That's ok though. We move on.

My life is so much simpler now I don't bother with shallow. I don't mean that in a rude way because everyone is entitled to live their lives how they wish, but I now just don't compare myself to anyone.

If I'm honest I am a bit of a loner now but that's moving around a lot and continually making new starts. I would love a friend who I could pop in for coffee and a chat that would take me for who I am but I don't think that's going to happen. I'm able to understand that it wasn't going to happen with the yummy mummies either so in not bothering with shallow or comparisons I've saved myself a lot of bother, money and upset!

VJsmum

fuddle wrote: »

I knew years ago I couldn't keep up any more. I stopped playing. My friends didn't want to be my friends anymore. I think it's a mixture between I just couldn't afford to take part and I was no longer yummy mummy material. I guess my face no longer fit. That's ok though. We move on.

My life is so much simpler now I don't bother with shallow. I don't mean that in a rude way because everyone is entitled to live their lives how they wish, but I now just don't compare myself to anyone.

If I'm honest I am a bit of a loner now but that's moving around a lot and continually making new starts. I would love a friend who I could pop in for coffee and a chat that would take me for who I am but I don't think that's going to happen. I'm able to understand that it wasn't going to happen with the yummy mummies either so in not bothering with shallow or comparisons I've saved myself a lot of bother, money and upset!

Fuddle - that's sad. What about the school gate mummies? THey can't all be in the yummy brigade surely? See if you can eye up one and start conversation? THe bravest thing i ever did was ask a vague acquaintance for coffee - she nearly bit my hand off and we are still friends 21 years later. i scribbled my number down and just casually said if she was at a loose end to give me a ring - 10 mins later i was in her lounge coffee in hand :rotfl:

The PTA was also a good thing to join - and still, 7 years after my youngest left primary school, we have a PTA mummies curry night about once a month and others of us meet for occasional coffees. PTA doesn't have to be onerous - man a stall at a summer fair, sell raffle tickets, go along to a meeting. You start to find people like you...

fuddle

My youngest is 9. It's difficult to strike up a chat with Mum's when they're in juniors. Where ever I've lived I've managed to make friends but it's hard this time and to be honest I always seem to attract 'funny' people. I did have a good friend in Dorset though. She was my eldest's friends Mum and we got along well so that I do get sad about losing. I'm ok though. I have my allotment people, albeit they're mostly fellas, and my charity shop people. I talk to my neighbours but again they're all older. I'm not lonely I just don't have a go to best friend that is my age and I've realised that I'm quite happy that way.

It's not just about avoiding yummy mummy type people. I have had close calls with friends who suck the life out of me, who are negative and moan. I've had friends who do nothing but call other people and I've been stabbed in the back too. I've had friends who were work colleagues and that was just disastrous! I was trying to strike up a friendship with one girl who was just a liar and I had a lucky escape because I was worried by a bit of a fascination with me. Oh and that reminds me, one of my girl friends even came 'on to me!'.

I think I've just had enough. :rotfl:

juliettet

I'm delurking too. I was a child of the sixties and my mum was a PT cleaner and Dad worked shifts.We often had to amuse ourselves and we all became fond of the local library and shock horror played out of doors all day. I started a career in the eighties which was and continues to be corporate greedy. I have made peace with this lately and try to do my bit to balance my home life.I really detest the waste created with new technology and the must have gadgets. I applaud all of you spending time with your children as I was at my happiest with my parents too. At work here today my young junior who has been with us eight weeks calls in to say she cannot come in as her car wouldn't start. She is on a bus route !!!!!!. Also in a four car family can someone not drop her off? She is bright, good natured but totally spoilt.I have already told her that the company will not take her after probation her timekeeping is so bad. What else can I do?

maryb

I used to do swimming lessons on Saturday morning from a very early age and that was about it. Later I let them have a few extra curricular activities such as piano lessons at school. DD1 never did her practice so we dropped that, DD2 really enjoyed it so we carried on. I always tried to limit it to one extra thing a week, I found even two extras really raised the stress levels - for them, not just me. You will not disadvantage your children in any way if all you do is send them to school and have a happy busy home - quite the reverse

Back on the subject of cream cleaners, I also go for the basics range. I noticed that the brand leader has a label on saying "with microcrystals". It's maybe just something like bicarb - but it put me off because you wonder if it's microbeads ie plastic. They say manufacturers use microbead plastics because they are cheaper than natural abrasives. I wonder if they are finding that "microcrystals" label is backfiring on them?