I think they should just use facebook to recruit people

xapprenticex

shortcrust wrote: »

I don't think it's homophobic in itself but it does carry the implication that there's something wrong with being gay. Fair enough. I'm not a fan of the thought police but it's definitely not what you want to be putting across in most workplaces I know. Regardless of all that, it's a weird thing to say and a very weird way to say it.

I agree that its strange to mention it (i was going to ask him why he mentioned it) but then i saw that people are assuming he is gay which is obviously upsetting him (and he is entitled to be upset about it).

He clearly has a little complex regarding it now to the point where he mentions it on this forum because he really believes that we are going to assume he is gay like the people he has apparently come across in his journey called life.

gettingtheresometime

I’ve a couple of friends who for professional reasons either use a false name on Facebook or don’t have an account

shortcrust

xapprenticex wrote: »

I agree that its strange to mention it (i was going to ask him why he mentioned it) but then i saw that people are assuming he is gay which is obviously upsetting him (and he is entitled to be upset about it).

He clearly has a little complex regarding it now to the point where he mentions it on this forum because he really believes that we are going to assume he is gay like the people he has apparently come across in his journey called life.

Yeah that's my reading of it too, and I'm not sure the OP's all the great at thinking about how things might be interpreted.

ohreally

dac123 wrote: »

I wrote this because some people for some reason think lonely, shy men are somehow gay. Just pointing out that im not.

You're protesting a bit too much.

dac123

shortcrust wrote: »

I'm not on facebook. The conversations I have about it go like this:

Them: "I tried to find you on facebook. Are you not on there?"

Me (lightheartedly): "No, I'm just not that interested in seeing baby photos and reading the crazy political views of people I barely know!"

We politely laugh, and that's it. Done. Literally no one cares. Not even a tiny little bit.

I'm worried about you, OP. It sounds to me like you need some help. It sounds like you have some real difficulties with the social side of things but I'm not sure you really know what's causing them. Facebook is not the problem. Have you read about aspergers? Just a thought. I know several people who've been diagnosed as adults and it really helped them to understand why social stuff often doesn't go quite to plan, and to fix things more easily when they go wrong. Either way, I'd see your GP and tell them what you've told us.

Oh, and some advice from an actual homosexual. Going out of your way to tell people you're not gay makes everyone think you're gay. It's a bit of a weird thing to do.

I did not mean offence against homosexuals.
I included this for a specific reason because in life I have experienced people thinking that a person is gay for not seeming social.
To a person who is homosexual this may not seem a big deal but to somebody who feels straight it can may cause annoyance.

Example: Person A-Why doesn't Michael have kids or wife?
Person B-He is always strange around women, doesnt seem bothered and he has no faith in god, I think he is gay. He atheist or somthing.

Person A Really, seriously im atheist, im not gay.
Person C-I dont think he is gay.

(Assume this michael charachter exists and he is straight)

Sometimes people assume people are gay just by there behaviour even though they may not be gay.

Michael may have had feelings unsettled by this convo because it is all assumed.

dac123

ohreally wrote: »

You're protesting a bit too much.

I did not mean offence against homosexuals.
I included this for a specific reason because in life I have experienced people thinking that a person is gay for not seeming social.
To a person who is homosexual this may not seem a big deal but to somebody who feels straight it can may cause annoyance.

Example: Person A-Why doesn't Michael have kids or wife?
Person B-He is always strange around women, doesnt seem bothered and he has no faith in god, I think he is gay. He atheist or somthing.

Person A Really, seriously im atheist, im not gay.
Person C-I dont think he is gay.

(Assume this michael charachter exists and he is straight)

Sometimes people assume people are gay just by there behaviour even though they may not be gay.

Michael may have had feelings unsettled by this convo because it is all assumed.

dac123

shortcrust wrote: »

Yeah that's my reading of it too, and I'm not sure the OP's all the great at thinking about how things might be interpreted.

OK i could have read it back and shown that i meant no offence sooner to that community of people that there is nothing wrong with their sexuality.

I proactively planned ahead with my question as i knew what would happen as with daily life. Thats why i included that paragraph, not as a homophobic rant or to cause offencwle which some may have taken the wrong way.

I did not mean to protest but with my experience of life so far in this world i have come to experience people that have this position on people and that why proactivelt pre guessed that somebody would type this in their reply to me. Just like they might assume in life.

dac123

ohreally wrote: »

You're protesting a bit too much.

I did not mean to protest but with my experience of life so far in this world i have come to experience people that have this position on people and thats why I
I proactively pre guessed that somebody would type this in their reply to me. Just like they might assume in life.

I did not mean offence against homosexuals.
I included this for a specific reason because in life I have experienced people thinking that a person is gay for not seeming social.
To a person who is homosexual this may not seem a big deal but to somebody who feels straight it can may cause annoyance.

Example: Person A-Why doesn't Michael have kids or wife?
Person B-He is always strange around women, doesnt seem bothered and he has no faith in god, I think he is gay. He atheist or somthing.

Person A Really, seriously im atheist, im not gay.
Person C-I dont think he is gay.

(Assume this michael charachter exists and he is straight)

Sometimes people assume people are gay just by there behaviour even though they may not be gay.

Michael may have had feelings unsettled by this convo because it is all assumed.

dac123

mac.d wrote: »

That's how it comes across to me too, and the bold bit is in itself homophobic, is it not?

It seems a rather strange thing to have focussed on in a post on an employment forum.

I did not mean to protest but with my experience of life so far in this world i have come to experience people that have this position on people and that why proactivelt pre guessed that somebody would type this in their reply to me. Just like they might assume in life.

jobbingmusician

Stalker Lady: I tried to find you on facebook.
Me: I dont use it.I prefer meeting people face to face.

End of.

Now listen, as this next bit is very important.

You have raised two issues on this thread - you don't have friends, and people think you are gay. These may both be true, but they don't and shouldn't interact in the way you seem to have confused them in your head.

Making acquaintances is easy. And if you are a nice person (by which I mean thoughtful and kind) it is also easy to turn those into friends.

But - and this is the important bit - not every friend, of either sex, is a potential sexual partner or sees themselves as such. Decent, nice men who are secure in their own sexuality are happy to be friends with other men whether they are straight or gay. Decent, nice women are likely to be more reserved - they either want a sexual partner or they have to be sure that the man they are considering a friendship with isn't getting the wrong idea (or isn't too gropy, or risky, or quite frankly lonely. I wouldn't want to make friends with too needy a man because he might go on to expect more of the relationship than I was prepared to give. This does also apply to same sex relationships, BTW.)

So for heaven's sake go out there and socialise! Be a nice person - volunteer to help for a local charity, for example. Be nice to people you meet. Suddenly you will find your problem has melted away.....

(Sorry, none of my reply has anything to do with employment. I do wonder if this thread is on the right board, but I'll keep an eye on it and let it stay where it is if the OP comes back and relates it more strongly to this board.)