Divorce proceedings

Tigsteroonie

bluebear36 wrote: »

Whilst the reason of the breakdown of their marriage has no bearing, the attitude from many posters is that SHE is the one to blame.

Are you reading the same thread as me? I can only see two posters who have made derogatory comments, and one of those is a hypothesis (my emphasis in the latter).

Comms69 wrote: »

She is entitled. She just wants both the benefits and YOUR MONEY.

gonzo127 wrote: »

but also bare in mind that if your wife can not afford the matrimonial house as it is and you can, it 'should' be perfectly reasonable to ask her to move out and you stay in the house, benefits will cover a lot of rent for her so could leave everyone better off. expect a fight and a lot of abuse if you suggest this!

All other posts simply state the facts - that at this point, both sides have equal entitlement; and that she needs to be practical about how she can afford to live / pay for the house / pay for children if she wishes to remain in the house and be the primary carer.

Let's get back to helping the OP with the legal and financial side of this. If his wife wants to come on here and receive similar advice from her perspective she is free to do so; if she wants hugs and reassurance, I've heard Mumsnet is good for that

gonzo127

bluebear36 wrote: »

Whilst the reason of the breakdown of their marriage has no bearing, the attitude from many posters is that SHE is the one to blame. There's also, of course, the opinion that being female, she WILL try to get all THEIR money. We only have the OPs version of events, so people should try to be less bitter & twisted.

it's not the attitude that because she is a woman she is only after his money. but the stated fact that as a person (not related to her sex) she has stated that she expects him to give her all his money for at least the next 6 months so that she can carry on living as she always has, whilst he sofa surfs in friends houses. which is totally unfair and what the op needs to state can't happen as he needs to build a life which will require money.

the other stated point is that if she as a person can not afford to run the house on her own. the op has every right to move back into (what is legally) his house. and that practically if she stands no chance of being able to afford the upkeep of the house and the op can. then it is not unreasonable for her to move out and him stay in the house

seren77

trojan10_om wrote: »

She's not going to buy me out tomorrow. This negotiations/processes could go on well beyond 6 months. She's saying she's not willing to split the equity in half as her dad contributed more.

So in the meantime I don't know what to do. Surely its essential that between us we continue paying the mortgage that we have both committed to?

You need a very good solicitor immediately - ask around as to who is best in your area. You can't be expected to keep paying half/bills etc now you have left as you have your own outgoings. It's up to your wife to sort her own benefits etc out. You may end up being responsible for paying for child maintenance or you may be able to sign the house over to her instead. In my case a Charge was made on the house which is in place until the children have finished further education. I was in a similar very complicated position at the end of my marriage and it took nearly 18 months to sort the finances out legally (mainly because my ex wouldn't comply with anything or answer any solicitors letters/sign anything). In my case, because I started paying the mortgage on my own I nearly lost my house when the mortgage company found out that both of us weren't paying it any more so be careful re keeping up payments. Good legal advice immediately will help you sort this out. I ended up with a solicitor known as The Rottweiler who was very helpful

Comms69

bluebear36 wrote: »

It matters because a large proportion of the posters are acting as if the split is 100% her fault, and that she deserves to lose the kids and her home because of it!

There are two sides to every story and maybe people should remember that.

So he should lose his house and his kids?.....

Comms69

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Are you reading the same thread as me? I can only see two posters who have made derogatory comments, and one of those is a hypothesis (my emphasis in the latter).





All other posts simply state the facts - that at this point, both sides have equal entitlement; and that she needs to be practical about how she can afford to live / pay for the house / pay for children if she wishes to remain in the house and be the primary carer.

Let's get back to helping the OP with the legal and financial side of this. If his wife wants to come on here and receive similar advice from her perspective she is free to do so; if she wants hugs and reassurance, I've heard Mumsnet is good for that

Just to be clear, my comment wasn't derogatory in the context it was provided.


IE she wants him to carry on paying the mortgage etc and getting state support. That is her wanting his money. My opening post said he should pay what he is obliged to

trojan10_om

I've been asked by Ex to agree a temporary payment until the mediation process is complete.

She has asked for £1,010 (out of my £1,800 net salary), which I find quite excessive.

• This is based on £385 towards the mortgage (50%) plus a small contribution towards insurance, and any essential repairs.
• Plus £375 child maintenance which she says is 20% of my gross monthly salary. (I think I've worked it out as £288 actually
• And (!!) £250 per month towards childcare

)

I've researched legal advice, and they have all said they will need to see the full financial disclosure before they can even begin to advise. Which I'm not sure it's wise to do for just a temporary agreement?

I'm tempted to respond with the following offer

I pay 75% of the mortgage. (Our total combined earnings meaning I contribute 75% of them) = £516.

I then pay my 20% child maintenance out of my remaining salary £1,284 (1,800 net minus 516) = £256

Total = £772

While I'm the homeowner, I would also be happy to contribute 75% towards essential repairs and insurance.

How would this sound?

Comms69

trojan10_om wrote: »

I've been asked by Ex to agree a temporary payment until the mediation process is complete.

She has asked for £1,010 (out of my £1,800 net salary), which I find quite excessive.

• This is based on £385 towards the mortgage (50%) plus a small contribution towards insurance, and any essential repairs.
• Plus £375 child maintenance which she says is 20% of my gross monthly salary. (I think I've worked it out as £288 actually
• And (!!) £250 per month towards childcare

)

I've researched legal advice, and they have all said they will need to see the full financial disclosure before they can even begin to advise. Which I'm not sure it's wise to do for just a temporary agreement?

I'm tempted to respond with the following offer

I pay 75% of the mortgage. (Our total combined earnings meaning I contribute 75% of them) = £516.

I then pay my 20% child maintenance out of my remaining salary £1,284 (1,800 net minus 516) = £256

Total = £772

While I'm the homeowner, I would also be happy to contribute 75% towards essential repairs and insurance.

How would this sound?

Say you'll happily pay 50% of the mortgage and you'll be moving back in tomorrow. See what the response is then.

triple_choc_chip

Hiya
I think you are very generous. Now that your position means you can only ever hope to get a maximum share of 50% of the house and in reality your share of the split may be less, there's no reason on earth to contribute more than 50%. Remember that you will shortly be paying rent or another mortgage which could equal this mortgage payment so don't commit now to something you will struggle with in a couple of months.

I'm glad you put the !! after 'And', because there is no child care (or new clothes or school trips) on top of child maintenance, it's one agreed amount which as you already know is a defined percentage of your income after essentials.

Good luck

gonzo127

triple_choc_chip wrote: »

Hiya
I think you are very generous. Now that your position means you can only ever hope to get a maximum share of 50% of the house and in reality your share of the split may be less, there's no reason on earth to contribute more than 50%. Remember that you will shortly be paying rent or another mortgage which could equal this mortgage payment so don't commit now to something you will struggle with in a couple of months.

I'm glad you put the !! after 'And', because there is no child care (or new clothes or school trips) on top of child maintenance, it's one agreed amount which as you already know is a defined percentage of your income after essentials.

Good luck

actually child maintenance is a legal amount of the income BEFORE essentials, the ONLY deduction made to the wage before child maintenance is calculated in the pension contribution.

with that in mind, you NEED to calculate the LEGAL amount of child support/maintenance you need to pay, and make sure you pay this, do it via bank transfer and label this as child maintenance, do not, and i mean this, do not EVER mix this payment in with any other payments, as you need to be clear when/if this goes to court that you have always paid the correct amount of child maintenance.

all other payments need to be calculated after this, and never used to reduce the child maintenance or mixed with it.

and personally i think you are being extremely generous with what you are considering offering, i would ask though is if you paid her over half of your wages, can you afford to rent somewhere yourself? as well as pay the bills and buy food etc,

if you can not afford to live yourself, then you are offering too much,

how long will your friends really want to keep on helping you by letting you sleep on their sofa, and denying them there own space and privacy? how fair is it on your friends to impose yourself on their life like you are doing???

SunnyCyprus

Start with this..
https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance
It will tell you exactly what you should pay as child maintenance.
Then contact mortgage provider and inform them about separation.

What I would do is move back into family home, into spare room and put the house up for sale. Live there until it’s sold, split whatever you have left after the sale and go your seperate ways.

If your wife wants to keep the house, then lovely...she can buy you out of the mortgage.