42 and Pregnant - the grim statistics

kingfisherblue

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

I'm due to start IVF on Tuesday. I'll be 40 in January. I genuinely didn't realise the risk of miscarriage was that high... I mean I knew my age meant the risk would be higher, but not THAT high. So a 28% chance of IVF working and then a 33% chance of miscarriage. I'm devastated.

Good luck OP, I hope everything goes well for you.

Good luck with the IVF. I know three people that have had it (to my knowledge). Two have twins (girl and boy in both cases), and one hasn't been successful. I know that I'm blessed with my children, even though one has high functioning autism and one has Down's Syndrome (conceived when I was 29, so not age related). I hope that IVF works for you.

KFB x

badmemory

I was told many (and I do mean many) years ago that the incidence of miscarriages in younger mothers-to-be is really under-reported. (As in teens and early twenties). Partly because they didn't realise they were pregnant at all & partly because they just heaved a sigh of relief & moved on to be more careful.

My first in very early twenties just for no reason gone week 13 (in all honestly not a disaster). My second mid-30s worried sick, we both got to 42 weeks healthier than we started. When I say worried sick that is literal as the doctor putting the epidural in asked me to try not to heave! So "Kate" who is much worse than I was has my wholehearted sympathy.

So what does all my waffle mean? It means that yes things go wrong but there is a very/extremely high chance that nothing will go wrong. Statistics are just that - you being stressed & making your partner not want to stress you more with her issues - will not improve the statistics.

System

FWIW a cousin of mine was born when her mum was 45. No problems as far as I know, though I seem to recall her mum refused an amniocentesis, for fear of miscarriage.

kingfisherblue

I had a miscarriage at 21, then had three babies - one late, one five weeks early due to his congenital abnormalities, and one born on the day he was due (and youngest is eighteen this month!). My daughter also miscarried her first baby - she was 22. She now has an almost three year old, who was a week late.

ViolaLass

I'm not sure all these posts of "I know someone who gave birth post-40 and they were fine" are all that useful. Logically plenty such women exist otherwise the miscarriage rate for that age would be 100%. Equally, of course some women have miscarried at a younger age otherwise the rate aged 20 would be 0%.

OP, we can't tell you you'll be fine and neither can the stats. It's understandable that you're worried - not because you should be but because this is an emotional time for you. As much as you can, try to enjoy it and each other.

It's OK to tell your girlfriend that you're worried. You don't have to bottle it up.

Fireflyaway

My advice would be to stop reading stats and just enjoy the experience. If an unwelcome something happens there is nothing you can do anyway. Personally I've known a few people who miscarried / had a still born baby. They were all in their 20's. Everyone is different. You could have problems at any age.
If you think about it stats say the chances of even getting pregnant at 42 are only 8-10% or something. You managed that bit OK! Twins are more likely later on.....! Try to enjoy the experience.

FBaby

AlwaysWOrking, it doesn't work like that. Many miscarriages occur because of the quality of the egg in the first place. They get fertilised, but the body naturally miscarry because the embryos would not lead to a healthy baby. With IVF, they select the strongest embryos to put back and usually dismiss the weakest. Of course, it all depends on the grading of your embryos. The higher, the more chance statistically of a pregnancy and less chance of miscarriage.

Of course, nothing is black and white and quality of embryos is not the only reason for not getting pregnant in the first place/losing the embryos and the weakest ones sometimes turn into healthy happy babies.

OP, I feel for you, the weeks and even days feel very long until you know that the risks are much lower when you desperately want a baby and know that it's a lot harder to fall pregnant at that age but you can't think this way.

My grand-mother miscarried her first child at 42 (was married for the first time at 40). She was devastated but didn't give up. It took another 3 years to fall pregnant again, but she did at 45 (grand father was 50, first child too) and experienced no complications and my mum was born very healthy. My GM was quite a character and when she wanted something, she got it!

DigForVictory

Every day, the stats get better. Go to every appointment with her, and try to enjoy the ride? As being there, good or bad, helps & Anything that leaves her calmer & more confident is good. (Unless it's online gambling whilst swigging vodka martinis, but that's a different risk.)

Wishing you both the very best of luck - and that early scan *does* give extra reassurance.

sweetilemon

Try not to focus on the negatives that haven't happened, it is sensible to be aware but it doesn't cushion the pain of loss. Try to enjoy every moment, unfortunately the risks are never nil, and I know what it feels like to be the "extremely rare" statistic (infant loss). There's never a safe time....just enjoy the here and now, you can't predict the future. The midwife will discuss things to look out for like kicks and preclamsia symptime for later on in pregnancy.

kezzygirl

My cousins partner has just had their first baby in April of this year.....she turned 44 last month. They are planning another baby already. What will be will be, one thing I wish is that I didn't worry so much with my pregnancies. Try and enjoy It, before u know it baby will be here! Keep us updated 😊