New Start - New Life - New Plan!

Breo

Plush wrote: »

This sounds wrong on too many levels. I'm not a solicitor but this sounds absurd. You are supposed to provide for yourself and your child AND for your soon to be exH who has never worked? Is he an able body - if yes, then he can get work and pay maintenance for his child. I hope you find strength to deal with all of this...

Thats what I thought too. I admit he has been the primary career for our child for about 18 months - but that was because he was unemployed not because he gave up work.

I'm hoping the solicitor says that because he came into the marriage with nothing, and contributed nothing, that this isn't right. I don't want any child support from him, just a clean break.

He cannot get a job at the minute as he is awaiting trial, and no one will employ him. But he now has job seekers allowance and he has free board and lodgings with a relative.

All I want is to be able to still provide everything I planned for my daughter - I'll cut back on anything for myself, but I have to have decent childcare if I am to continue my job which involves long hours and unpredictable ones at that.

If I have to pay him several hundred pounds a month and buy him out of the house I may as well pack in work and live off benefits myself. (Not entirely serious as there as obviously other benefits to working than pay, but it feels like it).

Plush

Breo wrote: »

Thats what I thought too. I admit he has been the primary career for our child for about 18 months - but that was because he was unemployed not because he gave up work.

I don't want any child support from him, just a clean break.

He cannot get a job at the minute as he is awaiting trial, and no one will employ him. But he now has job seekers allowance and he has free board and lodgings with a relative.

He was, but as you say - if he has never worked - he has not lost anything (skills, experience, opportunities) while looking after his child. If anything, he has gained skills.

Regarding child support, it's not about wanting it... Your child is entitled to it by law. At the moment he doesn't work but he does get JSA and - if I were you - I would make him pay what he has to, I believe it's a very low flat rate. Not out of revenge or out of spite, simply because I think it is fair to all of you. You are a responsible parent, he should be too.

Breo

Plush wrote: »

He was, but as you say - if he has never worked - he has not lost anything (skills, experience, opportunities) while looking after his child. If anything, he has gained skills.

Regarding child support, it's not about wanting it... Your child is entitled to it by law. At the moment he doesn't work but he does get JSA and - if I were you - I would make him pay what he has to, I believe it's a very low flat rate. Not out of revenge or out of spite, simply because I think it is fair to all of you. You are a responsible parent, he should be too.

I'll add it to the list of what to discuss with the solisitor next week. I guess if I did go down that route I could just put it all in an account for her when she is older - wouldn't be much but at the moment I cant afford to save anything for her

Breo

Food challenge update - was going great until yesterday. Went out for what I thought was a coffee with ex's family (they have children too so nice for my LO to at least have some family contact) but it ended up with everyone ordering lunch in a gastro pub - £10 on soup and sandwich for the two of us gone :-O

Then went to the supermarket on the way home and spent another £10.60 - but I now have enough milk for toddler until Christmas, bread, ingredients for chocolate cake for friends coming over today and a bag of coffee. So I'm down to £16 left for the next 2 weeks. Should still be OK, but the lunch means it won't be as easy. I guess thats why its a challenge!!

Going to spend some time today looking at recipes as next weekend we have a big party where everyone takes food to share. Hopefully can find stuff in the cupboards!!

And I need to buy christmas presents today.....

Plush

How did the meeting with the solicitor go, Breo? Any good?

Breo

Plush wrote: »

How did the meeting with the solicitor go, Breo? Any good?

It was good - huge relief if that because of the circumstances and relatively short marriage she thinks a clean break order is realistic (i.e. I take the assets and the debts and he walks away from any claims on house or mortgage). Worst case scenario is I have to give him a 'nuisance payment' to make him go away if he contests which she thinks would cost me less than legal fees to fight it. She said there was NO prospect of me having to pay him maintenance or buy him out of the house. My daughters childcare costs will be agreed by the court as essential and not quibbled on. PHEW!

The only downside is the cost - it will cost me about 2,500 to do the divorce with her (she fixes a fee which is rare in this geographic area from what I've seen). Because some bits are complicated/related to his behaviour I'm not convinced I could do a DIY divorce and clean break order. Plus I'm not strong enough. So it maybe it will be something I have to factor in to my debt in order to have the freedom. I know not a moneysaving attitude, but gut says it might be worth it.

But I cannot begin to tell you the relief - slept well last night for the first time in weeks :-) Thank you so much for asking

Plush

That's a relief indeed. I'm not familiar with solicitors' costs - it seems like a lot of money, perhaps it's worth shopping around, meet with 1-2 more? Having said that, a flat fee sounds good, at least you know what you can expect. Don't feel bad about asking for professional help on this one, it sounds like a complicated situation.

Breo

Plush wrote: »

That's a relief indeed. I'm not familiar with solicitors' costs - it seems like a lot of money, perhaps it's worth shopping around, meet with 1-2 more? Having said that, a flat fee sounds good, at least you know what you can expect. Don't feel bad about asking for professional help on this one, it sounds like a complicated situation.

I did some shopping around on the phone before meeting her - all the others wanted a blank check (in fact one wanted 350 just to meet me!!!!!!!) I like flat fee certainty. I don't have an drop of gambler in me LOL

It does sound a lot though, going to discuss with my parents over Christmas and see what they think. My dad has done a few DIY divorces for friends but think he would be nervous getting this wrong as like you say its complicated.

Breo

Good few days - took little one to see Father Christmas today. A bit of a splurge, but the money I'm saving on food this month covered it. We took a lovely picnic and BBQ and had fun searching for him in the forest and then gorging on random burgers from the freezer!!

I have £6 of my food money left - but only a week until I go to my parents so feeling smug hehe. I even managed to buy a large yellow stickered salmon for my Christmas Dinner with friends later this week. It was £5 but it will easily feed all 5 of us with lots of left overs, and it is Christmas. (Plus they are bringing the rest of the meal!).

Last success of the day - home made truffles for my friends christmas presents. Got everything I needed for them for about £5 and going to warp them in some beautiful tissue paper I found during my clearing out of the junk room.

All i have to do now is survive this week at work and then I get to rest for a fortnight whilst my parents spoil the little one rotten LOL

wishingthemortgaheaway

What a terrible situation for you. Big hugs, but well done on making the break.
Sounds like you've had some good advice from many places.
If your parents are offering some financial support, I would ask them to help you out with the solicitors fees.

Keep strong & have a lovely Christmas.

Wish.