New Start - New Life - New Plan!

beanielou

Yes, you do need to get legal advice ASAP.

Kitten868

Lots of local legal firms will let you ask a question or have a free initial consultation so look online. Decent legal advice in your situation is worth the cost. If the reason for the split is a police matter then I don't think it's wise having your ex in the house to do repairs or around your child without advice. Right now you're just going to be in shock. Let things start to settle and get all your legal stuff in order. I really like those 'For Dummies' books. I'm certain there's one on divorce. Get your head around the basics to feel empowered and a lawyer for the big stuff. You can do this. One step at a time. Very soon you will know what is going to happen in sure xxx

Breo

Kitten868 wrote: »

Lots of local legal firms will let you ask a question or have a free initial consultation so look online. Decent legal advice in your situation is worth the cost.

Logically I know this is right. Just emotionally find it very annoying to have this cost to suddenly find!

If the reason for the split is a police matter then I don't think it's wise having your ex in the house to do repairs or around your child without advice.

He certainly would not be allowed in when she is there - absolutely not. But even so, just writing it down as an idea made me realise it was a daft one :-(

Right now you're just going to be in shock. Let things start to settle and get all your legal stuff in order. I really like those 'For Dummies' books. I'm certain there's one on divorce. Get your head around the basics to feel empowered and a lawyer for the big stuff. You can do this. One step at a time. Very soon you will know what is going to happen in sure xxx

Yes you are right thanks x

mummypops

Just passing by and wanted to say Good luck on your journey.

117pauline

Hi Breo

It must be confusing as well as very upsetting. Many womens' refuges can give you advice, either directly or by recommending a solicitor to advise you.

How about looking in your local library for the which guide or the dummies books on divorce. It might also make a good activity for the little one. Our library has activities both during the week and on a Saturday.

Your parents sound as if they are supportive and you have made some really positive steps to making your house a safe and happy home for you and the little one. Their support will help you to get stronger.

Have you gone back to work? Also I wondered about childcare vouchers via work.

If your parents want to help financially, I think the best thing would be to fund your solicitor costs. Good advice will be priceless.

And don't forget, your child is quite small and really only needs a happy mum (well as happy as you can be) rather than lots of presents. Keep Christmas simple and start making new happy memories

Take care honey
Pauline

jackieblack

Breo wrote: »

I will be eventually - and thats what I've budgeted for, but I cannot get it yet as he doesn't have a permanent address for me to give to the council people.

I had this problem. I gave the council his email address and mobile number and they contacted him and he confirmed that he wasn't living here any more. They sent someone out to visit and I got the discount.

Toni'sfriend

Have you looked at the Gingerbread website. There is lots of advice there for people who have recently separated.

Kitten868

I meant to say well done on the decluttering and getting your home ready for you.
I wasn't meaning you were stupid. I just wanted to give you a clear answer in the fog. Or maybe I'm just stupid answering rhetorical questions? My husband says when I write down my lists I'm "taking my brain for a s**t" and all the silly things get written as well as the proper things. Doing it always helps me so you go ahead and do it here. We are not judging xxxx

Breo

Hi - thank stop everyone who is commenting and giving me advice. Sorry if I don't always respond, but I do always read. I have strong moments and weaker ones, and when feeling down I don't always post.

Some good things - sold another £50 of things on Facebook (less paypal fees) so my savings account is looking a bit healthier (I'm putting all the money aside and once I get to the target of the amount owing on the bed I'll pay off in a lump sum as its interest free but I cant overpay)

I've done a food inventory and think I can manage without spending much on food. I'm setting myself a challenge to only spend what is in my purse on food this month - so that is £36.50. Should be perfectly do-able as I have a freezer full of meet, some frozen fruit and veg and ready made meals for my toddler (Luckily had a mega cook just before all the stuff hit the fan so I have 1 meal a day for all of December of her). I also found lots of store cupboard stuff that needs eating like bread mixes, cous cous, porridge etc. The only things I will need to buy are her milk (total of £10), some eggs for weekend lunches, some coffee for me, and some fresh bits like yogurts/cheese etc. I'm going to family for Christmas so I may even have some change, but it should save me £120 from my budget, which will buy Christmas presents for little one/mum and dad/brother and my closest friends.

An unexpected bonus is a HUGE improvement in my daughters behaviour. We are really very happy the 2 of us together and with very minimal fuss when its just the two of us. And I get 2 hours a night to myself that I've never had now that she has a regular normal bedtime.

Less positive - had an initial look at divorce financial settlements and its suggesting I will have to PAY HIM maintenance. He has never paid a penny into anything, never worked and now I might have to pay him from what little I have because he has no money to live on. From what I could see online my childcare costs don't count as essential, and my mortgage payment is higher than would be taken into consideration. I have booked an appointment with a solicitor next week so will see if its correct, but this has left me feeling really down this week.

But I'm staying strong for my daughter. I have all her Christmas presents bought - I pooled my money with my parents so she has some really lovely things that she would have needed anyway over the next year.

So in balance, another good week
:-)

Plush

Breo wrote: »

Less positive - had an initial look at divorce financial settlements and its suggesting I will have to PAY HIM maintenance. He has never paid a penny into anything, never worked and now I might have to pay him from what little I have because he has no money to live on. From what I could see online my childcare costs don't count as essential, and my mortgage payment is higher than would be taken into consideration. I have booked an appointment with a solicitor next week so will see if its correct, but this has left me feeling really down this week.

This sounds wrong on too many levels. I'm not a solicitor but this sounds absurd. You are supposed to provide for yourself and your child AND for your soon to be exH who has never worked? Is he an able body - if yes, then he can get work and pay maintenance for his child. I hope you find strength to deal with all of this...