2 days on, wife says she "hates me!"

Jacks_xxx

tsharp wrote: »

ewok boy would have been better....

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

jazzybabes

Hi, Just wanted to send some support.

I am in exactly the same situation with my debt problems (until today - see my post S*** hit the fan) luckily OH is somewhat understaning although I have still to completely fill him in on the huge amount of debt (he is aware of the big problem just not the exact amount)

I feel like I have completely let him down and my daughter (who is also four) and that they both deserve better.

But with help from all the good people on here I am sure I will pick myself up and fight the fight just the same as you will. HANG ON IN THERE and things will improve.

Take care

Stevev99

Thought I'd better post a reply before people think I've been "wok'd" or "frying panned" to death !!

When OH came back from work she was still quiet but talking about other things a little.

I think it helped that I had been busy when I got back from work getting stuff out of the roof and getting it on eBay to try and make Xmas manageable.

She has been on a part time teaching contract that ends in Dec, she thought she'd be kept on but looks like they are now saying they "want to but have no budget" That kinda mucks up my DMP since do I now put her down as no income or wait and see if she gets something lined up in Jan?

I kinda favour the DMP in the worst scenario and hopefully pick it up when she gets a post?

Some lovely words from everyone which help me feel one of the gang.
I think it's going to be bumpy for a bit until she sees me really getting the repayments started. Just finishing off fixing mortgage for 6 years before I total my credit rating !!
Funny isn't it how Experian rates me as "Excellent" just because I have a ton of credit being repaid!! Mad!

I'll keep you posted folks, with the good and the bad as I go along!

susieh_2

just wanted to add my agreement to all the above posts, we were in a similar position, though my oh had a rough idea. I tried to deal with it on my own as we were self employed and as I had recently miscarried and been badly assaulted in the street, i felt he had enough to cope with (I know now I had too), but when it all came to "a head", and after he'd calmed down, it wasn't so much the amount or the situation but the fact that I'd tried to hide it and lied & not trusted him enough to talk to him!!!. Things were really difficult for both of us & it takes time to rebuild the trust, but as already said were much stonger and more together now. It will take time & give her space, I'm sure she'll want to sort this out just as much as you do.

Chin up (try), take care

Luv SushieH

joeblack066

Thx 4 the update stevev99, keep talking with your OH and you will get through this. ***HUGS***

Zebedee69

Most important thing is you have been honest. Thats more important than anything else

I think eventually it will work out, just be calm and let her think about it. Meanwhile get cracking with the plan and start sorting it out. That was OH will see your not burying your head in the sand and your righting a wrong.

Thats all you can do, the rest is upto her but I think its gonna be okay;)

Bunnyinthelights

Steve,
I went thru this same situation a year and a half ago-we got thru it (my DH and I) and there is still some hairy moments but ok over all.
If you ever want to PM me, feel free.
((((hugs)))))
This forum saved my life and my marriage.
Bunny

Newgirl_2

Steve, my heart goes out to you. You have done the right thing and she will see that when she adjusts. I completely agree with what one poster has put - she is going through the same thought processes you did at your LBM PLUS the fact that she knew nothing about it. Give her time and see how it goes.

Despite the huge debts we are in, I feel quite lucky that me and OH are going through it together - we both spent the money and we are both working to sort it out. He has more worry than me as a lot of the CC's were in his name but we both used them to buy things for both of us. I would never desert him and leave him with the debt but I think that was at the back of his mind.

To answer your question about whether to declare your wife's change in situation, I would say yes but, forgive me... I didn't notice whether you said you are with an organisation or doing the DMP yourself (will go back and read your post in a minute) but if you are with CCCS/Payplan or similar, ask their advice. I suspect you will need to tell them your OH has no income for the time being as it will obviously affect your household income. Then once she is sorted in January, you can update them. It's best to give them notice before a problem but not committ to money you haven't got yet - eg I am due a pay rise in January which will either be cost of living (2-3%) or, if I get agreement, I am due a larger rise as a changed jobs (perhaps £2k). I will not discuss that change until I have confirmation.

I wish you all the luck in the world, let us know how you get on.

Newgirl

PS can you get your OH on here, both to see how hard you are trying and to get her a bit MSE to help with the debt repayments.