2 days on, wife says she "hates me!"

lightatendoftunnel?

It is only natural for your wife to have these feelings, she has to release the anger. If she does not release the anger it would be worse in the long run as she would be building up feelings of resentment.
Carry on with the plan and keep her informed what is happening, if she can see things are becoming more in control then it will give her focus.
I know you are beating yourself up, i did for months.
You have done the hardest thing facing up to it. You are still going have some hard times ahead but believe me it does get easier. I know you may not feel that now. But you taking control of the money again through the plan and not letting the money control you is a positive step for your future together.
Good luck to you all and keep moving forward.

backontheup

She is angry. She will calm down.

Things like this do make me angry though - I had it with my OH. He wasn't complaining when I was paying all the bills on my CC. Or food. Or childrens clothing. And all the stuff where this money goes to - I wish it had been on champagne and ferrari's but it wasnt.

We got together 'for better or worse' and maybe if he hadn't expected me to take on so much by myself, then I wouldnt have racked up so much credit card debt. Admittedly, my reason for bankruptcy was a tax bill, but I was still getting nothing from him financially.

Leave her alone for a few days, but don't let her bash you over the head with this constantly. You say in your other post that she is 'anti credit' etc, well then, why did she feel so comfortable letting you struggle and get into debt? Bet despite being 'anti credit' she was the first to egg you on for a new car, new clothes, and all the beige furniture that women seem to love buying from the Next Directory?

Stand strong on this. You are not a bad person - you just took on too much.

skint_spice

Nothing new to add really but it just sounds like a natural reaction to me, given time the anger will subside. Just give her some time to get used to the new reality, if she knew nothing of these debts this might take her some time but she'll get there. Keep talking and show her how committed you are to turning things around and hopefully you'll get there.
Feel free to come on here and rant if you need to though!

P.S. I'm sure she doesn't really hate you.

rayday2

I don't think she hates you I think she is very disappointed, shocked and hurt. Give her some time and space to cope with things, try and include her when she is willing in what is happening all the way now. When we love someone and we are hurt by them the strength of feelings we have make it harder at times to cope with things but this is early days - you will add to those photos just give it time and some senstivity.

chevalier

Sorry to hear that this has happened.
Agree with what other poster have said. I am sure that when she sees that you are making an effort ref CCCS and not letting things slide, then she will come round
chev

rog2

I hope things do get sorted, Steve. It IS difficult, for both of you, and things can change in an instant.
My wife was very supportive of my situation (bankruptcy) at the beginning, but it's been a LONG year, and has involved a. me having no money/work and having to rely totally on her income, and b. having to arrange a mortgage, in order to keep the amily home, again based purely on my wife's income.
So relationships, here, are also strained to breaking point - but we're sticking with it - it will improve - and things like what you are going through can be the ultimate test of the 'strength' of a marriage/partnership.
Keep positive.

dianadors

Jacks_xxx wrote: »

:wave:
But she's going to need to vent hon - and you're going to have to take it.

:kisses3:

This is so true. You have done wrong and you are going to have to fix it. Hang in there - your relationship is all that matters at times like this.
Best wishes

dumpy

I'm writing as someonewho has been in your wife's position.

It is very hard to deal with. Basically your whole life is turned upside down and she knew nothing about it. You had time to deal with your lightbulb moment, her's came completely out of the blue. I was EXTREMELY worried about my home and I was VERY angry he did anything to risk that without talking to me about it. It made me feel like he was treating me as a child. Not allowed to know the grown up's business.

A couple of ideas from me.

Do not get defensive and not want to discuss the issue.

I try to talk about the situation, he feels he is being blamed and won't talk about it. This is VERY frustrating and makes me feel isolated again.


Show you have a plan about what you are going to do.

My OH won't do this and it drives me mad.


Try and talk about it, otherwise it will fester.


Try and get her on this board and to read about how people have pulled through and how it isn't the end of the world.

Accept that you have made her feel very small and stupid and it will take some time for her to recover from this.

Good luck.

cat4772

Steve

There's a lot of sound advice here. I can't add anything to them apart from to reiterate that communication is the key.

I know that in heated arguments things are often said in the heat of the moment (sometimes we don't realise that we mean these things until we've said them, other times we'll say things and be mortified that we've said it).

Although, a rollicking heated argument can be good for letting off steam they're not the best form of communitation;)! Just talk to her, LISTEN to her, stay CALM.

We're all here for you.

Cat.x

wok_boy

He hasn't been back on yet, I hope she hasn't whacked him over the head with a frying pan