2 days on, wife says she "hates me!"

Gillianh2

Steve I hope things are a little better this morning. I can only echo what others have said. Perhaps you could suggest that your wife either joins the MSE and writes down her own experience and maybe we could offer her some support as well. That might help her come to terms with whats happened.
You have my full support and remember we all say things in anger that we dont really mean, I'm sure you have done so previously. Try not to take it to heart.

Best Wishes

tsharp

Women. Can't live with them, can't kill them.

rog2

tsharp wrote: »

Women. Can't live with them.

Nor can we live without them. Not too taken with your other option, though.

Larumbelle

Steve, I hope you are okay and that you are reading these messages even if you don't want to reply to them just yet. All of the previous replies are pretty bang on as far as I'm concerned.

I first came to this board as the partner - which feels like a bit of a rarity? I found out my OH had problems when bailiffs turned up on the doorstep. Really, not a good experience. But guess what? I'm still with my partner and we are stronger than ever. It is easier to say you love or trust someone than it is to have that put to the test, but when you come out the other end you feel invincible for it. It took a long time to regain that trust absolutely, but maybe I was as much to blame for not questioning how our lifestyle was being funded and being a bit ignorant of our incomings and outgoings. We share everything now, including our responsibilities. God, that sounds twee, doesn't it? But it's true.

The thing is, I was so, so angry when I first discovered the extent of our mess. So angry that when I look back it's as if I was a different person. Because the shock and the betrayal were too much to take in. I thought that the world had ended. I felt that we had been living a lie, that I had in some way been violated by him in some way. I hated him with all my heart.

Then I calmed down a bit and realised that I had two options; bail out now or fight his corner with him. I also realised that I still loved him dearly, even if I did hate him at that moment, so I started to do what I could to help. Sure, there was resentment and anger and exhaustion at the situation - I'm not going to lie and say it was an easy road to recovery - but they go with time. I ended up regretting the hurt I caused my OH at a time when he needed my whole-hearted support, and it took me a while to realise what he had been through hiding things as well as owning up. You have a lot of courage, PLEASE don't forget that. You can show more in the future, too.

It will take your OH a while to calm down enough to think clearly. I can't guarantee what she will say when she does. But I do know that you have done the right thing, and that the people round here will give you as much help and support as they can. They are a really great bunch. Maybe try to get your OH to visit the site and read some of the posts? She might begin to feel differently. That was what I did, and seeing things from my OH's point of view was my lightbulb moment, even if I've never even realised that (until just now, actually).Things won't be easy, but you CAN and WILL get through them, and seeing that other people have makes all the difference.

I wish you all the best.

Dr_Hook

wok_boy wrote: »

He hasn't been back on yet, I hope she hasn't whacked him over the head with a frying pan

Or a wok?

wok_boy

Dr_Hook wrote: »

Or a wok?

I really hate the name I chose, thought it was good at the time, sounds so naff now

tsharp

rog2 wrote: »

Nor can we live without them. Not too taken with your other option, though.

<insert sarcastic comment> That was a joke. playing on the saying 'can't live with them, can't live without them' :rolleyes:

Dr_Hook

wok_boy wrote: »

I really hate the name I chose, thought it was good at the time, sounds so naff now

I dunno, I think it makes you sound like an intrepid kitchen-utensil superhero, whereas I suppose I'd be a medical pirate :huh:

What's in a name anyway?

wok_boy

Dr_Hook wrote: »

I dunno, I think it makes you sound like an intrepid kitchen-utensil superhero, whereas I suppose I'd be a medical pirate :huh:

What's in a name anyway?

I could have chosen a rude sounding name and been stuck with that

tsharp

ewok boy would have been better....