LonelyRat's (not so lonely) Road to Riches

Lucifa73

Hi Lovely, glad you enjoyed the visit with your Dad.

lonelyrat wrote: »

He isn't able to get benefits as we live with his parents and his Mum is quite sick and get's them. She said that if he were to claim then hers would be reduced more than what he would get.

I wouldn't take this at face value. I think it would be wise to speak to the experts about this. Obviously you don't want to mess things up for his Mum, but without asking CAB or equivalent you could be missing out on some financial relief.

Please talk to OH this weekend. I know it is hard but it will be better for both of you in the long run.

Luc x

117pauline

Hi lovely

Thank you for taking my comments in the way it was intended. It concerns me that all responsibility falls on your shoulders.

Now I'm all for lists and I think it would be a good idea for you to spend an hour looking at the situation and working out what is going on that bothers you most. Look at the situation as if it was happening to your best friend and what suggestions you'd make. I appreciate it's a hard, nearly impossible task.

I wish you luck and I'll be thinking about you this weekend.

Now, job-wise, customer services covers so many transferable skills. If you can't think of anything, look at job descriptions and specifications on the net then you will start to see the skills you have to offer.

And, you have managed to get interviews so please believe others see your skills too. YOU MADE THAT HAPPEN - YOU, NO ONE ELSE.

Take care this weekend
Pauline

Silver_Queen

I am absolutely FLOORED by your weight loss. Well done!

lonelyrat

Sorry for the disappearing act (classic lonelyrat strikes again!) Been under the weather and was feeling quite down in the dumps. Think OH and I are just passing sicknesses to each other at this point! I can't seem to get well Felt like I was losing the plot slightly mentally/ sinking into a bad patch of depression but I think I am going to be ok. Am limping towards the light :rotfl:

Some potentially promising news on the relocation/ job front.

Applied for something interesting in a town near my Dad's. Not a call centre, which is fab! Starting salary is about what I would be on full time in my current role and there's exams they want you to complete and your salary increases with each exam passed. I think the role is aimed at school leavers, but whatever! If I get an interview I will be very happy. They sent me a response to my application asking some questions (about GCSE's :rotfl: so let's just forget I went to uni!) Ideally next week they will want to arrange an interview Everyone keep their fingers crossed!

Also emailed my contact at the other job that wanted me to interview in a different town saying "thanks, but no thanks" and now they've turned around and said they will be in contact next week as there could be a role in the original town I applied for after all. Very weird, but am excited none the less.

I have next week off work (THANK GOODNESS) so if they get in touch early enough I can organise another trip down. Will need to put that onto my Virgin card I think though... Not great, but if it means I can secure a job then I don't mind.

Lucifa I think you're right. We probably could have gotten some help, we've just been fearful of messing things up for his Mum as his parents have been so lovely letting us stay here. I may ask OH to visit CAB and ask what they think... There's no harm in checking with them.

Did not speak to OH about finances, I don't think it's the right time to apply too much pressure to him. He's really struggling mental health wise at the moment. He has been slightly more productive this week (he's gotten up in the mornings rather than when I come home from work and he's also done some housework that I asked which has made me happy).

I asked him to try and tell me what he's worried/ anxious about and I think Christmas is really stressing him out. As is the move. I'm really not sure what I can do to help other than be here for him to speak to. I've tried to get him to go to the doctor to discuss his mental health but he keeps refusing and gets frustrated at me when I ask him to. I understand though because I hate going myself :rotfl: I just know that I need to otherwise my precarious mental health will be even worse!

I did get quite annoyed at him the other day I love him so much, but he got on my last nerve. We were going for a walk through town and we went past the job centre. So I suggested we go in and ask for advice, or even look at the jobs in the window. He said no. We then walked past a kind of Skills or Employability Scotland place and I suggested we go in. Again he said no saying that they are for people who have just left school... I said that he has left school AND college AND uni and doesn't have a job, so why not try? Then he kind of snapped and said I was acting like his Mum.

It really ground my gears! I don't want to act like his Mum! Why would I? Clearly I did not enter into our relationship expecting to have this kind of dynamic. It's hard not to act like his Mum when he won't stop acting like a child. Grrrr.

I kept my mouth shut though as I didn't want to say something I'd regret. But I have come to the decision to just leave him to it. Clearly he doesn't want/ need my advice so I will stay quiet :A He says he's sent off more job applications today so that's good for him. I've decided I won't feel guilty about not giving him spending money :rotfl:
117pauline thank you for your kind post It concerns me too :eek: I know it will even out eventually, this is just a rough patch we need to get through. There are things that need to change definitely... I just am struggling with how to address them. We will get there eventually though I am sure of it. I have my time off next week and am very much looking forward to it. Am going to zone OH out and just go on some walks and go to the gym myself and just enjoy some me time (unless I need to go south to interview of course!)

customer services covers so many transferable skills. If you can't think of anything, look at job descriptions and specifications on the net then you will start to see the skills you have to offer.

This was really helpful! Thank you... I think I worry myself too much/ get too down about the fact I'm in a call centre, when actually it really is hard work and takes a lot of skills.

Your post motivated me to send my CV off to this new potential job and also re-contact the other one, so thank you!

Silver Queen - weight loss has stopped again :rotfl: Have been around 20 kg lost now for about 3 months... I keep dropping a wee bit then gaining loads back. Have been stress eating solidly for the last week and also been feeling crummy with a cold so not gone to the gym. I'm actually steering well clear of the scales right now! Hopefully once things settle down job/ interview wise I will manage to get back on track. Good news is I'm not gaining weight I guess!

Last day of work tomorrow before my time off :cool: No overtime so just a short one which will be nice. Managed a lot of overtime this month so this wage should be pretty healthy. All my Christmas shopping is done (out of Novembers wage :T) so am looking forward to a stress free few weeks hopefully!

Happy weekend everyone

lonelyrat

Oh jeez, another saga of a post :rotfl: Will really, really try to get one more frequently to update this!

Lucifa73

Nice to see you posting Lovely, long or short. Sorry to hear you are still struggling.

On that note, and if you don't mind me being blunt, OH needs a swift kick up the butt. It is all very well you sucking it up for the sake of his mental health but I don't see him doing the same for you.

You absolutely should not feel 'grateful' because he has managed a wee bit of housework during his endless free time, while you are out working long hours, despite your own struggles, to keep both of you afloat. There are tonnes of temp roles at this time of year, there is no reason for him not to be working. No its not skilled work, but it takes pressure off you both and it will give him routine. If he can't find paid work he should absolutely be responsible for cooking and keeping house. I'm sure you would do that at the very least if your positions were reversed.

I really think some tough love is in order. Why would he change if he isn't being pushed? I'm sure I would love to lie in bed all day and be kept in food and drink. (Actually I'd probably go crazy but that is just me...).

If he really is struggling mentally he needs to see a doctor and get help. I can imagine being without work so long is creating a fear he may never get a job and causing a spiral of despair. If he is merely moping then you need to tell him exactly what it is doing to you and what you need from him. Yes it will likely be difficult with a high potential for copious tears and snot, but it will help you both long term. Don't let your current situation set a pattern for your future. That way lies bitterness and regret.

Sorry if that feels harsh Lovely. It comes from a place of concern for you and your health.

Take care
Luc x

Silver_Queen

20kg loss is absolutely amazing! I've been "losing weight" for as long as I remember and I now currently weight 5kg more than I did last year....

As to your OH, I completely know what you mean about feeling like his mum. It's not a nice feeling for either of you but frankly, sometimes a person just needs a kick up the @rse to get going with things. My OH is exactly the same. What worked for me was the dreaded "we need to talk" rather than mentioning things offhandedly so that he understood how important things were to me. When we first started dating he was unemployed too so I completely understand how you feel. Mental health problems for both of us, too, so I know it isn't as easy as just "go out and get a job" but he needs to properly understand how it's impacting you and how much he would be able to help. I think that once he gets a job his mental health would be better because he'd feel more useful, anyway.

lonelyrat

Not harsh at all Lucifa, I appreciate it. I agree, he does need a kick up the butt. It's just so hard for me to get the motivation to do it I feel like I'm constantly talking/ thinking about him being unemployed and I'm getting quite fed up with it all. He is very lovely, he's just been spoiled by his Mum and now by me too. Tough love is very much in order, it's just so damned hard.

I will keep pushing him to go to the GP and I will ask him if we can have a chat this weekend about everything. I need time to prepare myself Thanks Silver Queen for the suggestion! I think scheduling a "proper" chat may be the way forward. I agree that his MH would probably improve if he was working.

I am going to try and not think about the situation until the weekend as I have some exciting news......
I have an interview on Thursday :cool: It's not customer service :eek: It would be an entry level type job but the salary is the same as what I would be on if I were full time in my current role. There's training and exams and stuff and with each exam passed they bump your salary and it ends up at 25,000 which is crazy money (for me anyway!) It's 9 - 5 Monday - Friday as well which would be absolutely fab. Would need to commute, but only a 15 minute train ride which is doable.

I am bricking it 100%... I really want the job and am just so worried I will muck it up. I am quite confident interviewing for customer service, but for this I feel lost/ out of my depth. They want someone who has a B in GCSE's so am worried they will see me (at the ripe old age of 28) and reject me My forehead wrinkle (which gets deeper by the day) shows that I am clearly way, way past GCSE's :rotfl:

I am going to have a wee look on google for interview tips for this type of position and also try and brush up on my maths skills to prepare. I'm not the best with Maths, but I do work with numbers everyday so I hope I will be good enough.

I am my own worst enemy as I let nerves really take hold. I will try very, very hard to remain calm. If I don't get it, it isn't the end of the world. But it would be so lovely if I did!
Fingers and toes crossed everybody! And lets not think about the £150 train tickets I've just fired on my Virgin cc :eek:

redofromstart

Hope it goes ok, those grade requirements are generally just a minimum. Your cv/qualifications got you the interview and they would have guesstimated your age if they are bothered. And if they are the type to be bothered then you don't want to work for them anyway!

Silver_Queen

Age discrimination is illegal

Can you divulge what kind of position it is? Maybe we can help? I'm quite good at helping people interview for office based roles!