LonelyRat's (not so lonely) Road to Riches

[Deleted User]

Good shoes are a necessity! I'm going to have to buy myself a size bigger for my walking now that I've put in the supportive insoles I'm supposed to have but needs must

efes_shareholder

I was bought up to be told that you must always ensure you have a comfortable mattress and decent shoes

Generally if you aren't in one you are in the other

dustydigger

Hi Lonelyrat,just popped in to say hello and tell you I'm peagreen with envy at your weightloss. I lost 25 kg but things went pearshaped for various reasons and I have put 5 kg back on!:eek:I'm sure all that walking you do has been a key thing in your progress. I just cant get up the motivation somehow,plus I've not been too well.:(
So you are still braving Boots to check your weight? I know you found that a bit daunting,when the stupid machine starts talking!:rotfl:
The machine in our town broke down and never got repaired for some reason,and the one in the city is 8miles away,so not at all helpful:(

Keep up the good work,and keep on prodding the OH,who still seems to be thinking he is a teenager!


If we could chuck out our partners I bet we could do wonders!:rotfl:

Silver_Queen

Hope everything is ok xx

Lucifa73

Hope all is well. Not like you to be MIA for so long. X

[Deleted User]

Hope all is ok lonelyrat ?? xx

lonelyrat

Hello lovelies. Sorry for the absence... I've really not been doing very well. My mental health has taken a sharp turn for the worse and it's taken all I've got in me to get through the days. Really not sure what's happened or triggered it, but there you go. Good news is I'm still here

I haven't felt this low in a very long time. The anti depressants were doing OK and I felt relatively stable and couldn't cry even if I felt sad but now I can't stop crying. I just sit on the floor and weep and I don't know why. Nothing's changed with dosage or anything so not sure what's happening there. I have an appointment with the doctor on Monday so will see how that goes. I need to sit down and try and write out notes to prepare as I don't want to get steamrollered again.

I'm still feeling very overwhelmed and I feel sort of like I'm disconnected and stuck in a massive marshmallow and no matter how hard I try and move forward I'm just stuck where I am, in the marshmallow

Finances and diet have taken a bit of a back seat as I haven't really had the energy to do anything BUT I skimmed over my bank accounts/ credit cards for the first time in a few weeks and feel OK-ish, quite rubbish but I don't have the energy to feel much more. I have accrued more debt, which is pants. But I can still sort it I think. I've somehow added another £970ish (I think) to my debt... I need to sit down and actually find out how the **** I've managed it and how bad the damage actually is. I don't even know what happened. I feel like parts of the last few weeks are a bit blurry and I think I maybe went mad impulsively spending before I started to feel as despondent as I currently do.

We did go camping and I fired the site fees on my credit card but we didn't spend any money when we were there, other than on diesel so I don't think that really adds up. Like I said, I'm not sure and will need to do some investigating. It's a ridiculous amount of money to spend in a few weeks and I don't have anything to show for it so I'm really confused/ annoyed at myself.

I also had a haircut, actually, which set me back £30. I don't know what compelled me... I've cut my own hair for the past 5/6 years as I feel really nervous about the thought of going to the hairdresser some reason. BUT after work one day I just walked into a training academy and they had availability so I just cut it all off. 20 inches gone. At the time I thought it was a great idea and I was facing a fear that I have, but in hindsight I think it was maybe just a bit manic.

Anyway, debt is up (will come back later with an actual figure and hopefully a plan of action) and weight is up by just under 2 kilos I think. Will update my signature with the totals when I've figured out the damage.

Good news is that I haven't been drinking at all. I have been very tempted.... For the first real time since I stopped in April. Wine has been occupying my mind a lot whereas before, after a few weeks sober, I didn't even think about it really. Work has been quite stressful and my performance is slipping and when I come home I keep thinking about how nice it would be to unwind with a glass (I can actually see it in my minds eye, with some condensation on the glass) or get blootered and sink into oblivion. I haven't drunk though. There's a large part of me that knows how much worse it would likely make everything.

Poor OH is doing his best to help but I think I've maybe become too much for him. The other day I couldn't get out of bed but he kept haranguing me to go with him to his grans. Eventually I got up but then couldn't find a top in the mess that the room had become (I usually like to keep our room clean and organised, but have just been throwing clothes on the floor recently) and was just sitting there among all the mess crying feeling like I was becoming part of the mess. He just let me cry for a while then he sat with me cleaning everything up. He's so wonderful and I've started to get worried that this will all be a bit too far for him and he'll just have enough of me and chuck me.

It's also hard because he doesn't understand what's happened to me, but I can't explain it because I don't know either.

Anyway, that's enough of a ramble for now. I woke up quite early today and I've written a to do list for the first time in a while, so am going to try and get a few things done.

To do:
1. Phone protect your bubble (as I've smashed my phone)
2. Laundry
3. Go a walk (I think I've been averaging about a thousand steps a day so really need to get moving again)
4. Shower
5. Go to bed by 10.30

It's not the grandest to do list (and there's far more stuff I actually need to do) but it's enough for today I think. If I can manage all of this I will be proud

Silver_Queen

Sorry to hear that things have been hard for your lately.

No matter what, your mental health absolutely comes first. It's OK if you have little blips on the debt and weight loss as long as you look after yourself first.

I completely know what you mean re: marshmallow. Hopefully your GP will be able to help.

Have you had any CBT? Perhaps that would help you?

Always here to talk, give excellent advice (of course) and dish out a bit of tough love if necessary. PM me. You know how much of a mess I am so I won't judge, promise :rotfl:

BelleOfBilboa

Oh lonelyrat sorry to hear you are feeling so low

I am no expert but your to do list may help you get back on track! One step at a time I do think your walking was doing you the world of good, if you do one thing today, go for your walk and take in your surroundings.


Hope you feel better soon xx

Lucifa73

So sorry to hear you are struggling. Get to your GP and get signed off work. And PLEASE let me know if there is anything I can do while you get back on your feet. The debt/weight are pressures you need to let go of for now too. Right now YOU are your number one priority. Getting back to walking may help lift things a bit maybe but don't put pressure on yourself or put yourself down if you don't do it.

OH loves you and will be hurting for you honey - I know Hubbles really struggled when I had PND because he could offer no practical help and felt helpless. (Generally) men like to fix things and feel frustrated when they can't.