I think I'm in an abusive relationship + I'm terrified

FBaby

Why are you speaker to strangers about this? Surely you have friends and/or family you can discuss it with?

You are not living together, so tell him that you've decided that your relationship is not working and you don't want to see him again and that there's no point in trying to change your mind because it's made up. Record that conversation. If he makes threats then (which he is likely to do if he has done before), go to the Police. What other options do you think you have?

Sncjw

Can I just say to those people who say they don’t belive it. This is why many women or men in abusive relationships don’t report it because they feel like they won’t be belived. The partner can come across as a lovely person but behind closed doors is another story.

It is likely the same reason why she posted on here to strangers to get advice from people who don’t know him who won’t think he is a nice guy.

The op. Please report to the police before he does anything else that could harm you or even kill you.

It may seem difficult to leave him as you may fear his attacks getting worse. Does he know where your parents live? If it’s in another area complexity consider going to them to stay. Get out the situation now before it’s too late

Pollycat

Sncjw wrote: »

Can I just say to those people who say they don’t belive it. This is why many women or men in abusive relationships don’t report it because they feel like they won’t be belived. The partner can come across as a lovely person but behind closed doors is another story.

It is likely the same reason why she posted on here to strangers to get advice from people who don’t know him who won’t think he is a nice guy.

The op. Please report to the police before he does anything else that could harm you or even kill you.

It may seem difficult to leave him as you may fear his attacks getting worse. Does he know where your parents live? If it’s in another area complexity consider going to them to stay. Get out the situation now before it’s too late

I think - and have already said - that the OP would probably have got different responses if this had originally been posted on the 'Marriages' board instead of 'Discussion Time'. It has now been moved.

There are some regular posters on the 'marriages' board who cry troll very quickly but I would say that a thread subject such as this would have elicited much more support than I've seen so far.

I hope the OP is OK, she's not been back to the forum for a couple of days.

suejb2

Can you contact the police either personally or phone 101 requesting a disclosure using Clares Law. The police will ask for an overview of your concerns.

Clares Law allows anyone to ask the police about a partners past.

RedFraggle

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-signs-gaslighting-in-relationship

This is how.

hazyjo

You need to change the title (in your head at least) from 'I think I'm in...' to 'I am in...


Agree, police. It's the only thing that will scare them. Might be able to issue you with a restraining order or panic button.


Don't let him trace or follow you on anything. Don't add anything to social media for a while and keep yourself anonymous. Obsession is worse when fed - even if that's accidentally. Don't get into any discussions or arguments, just end it and that is the absolute end. Change phone numbers if you have to, just cut every bit of contact flat.


An ex threatened and hassled me when I left him and I went straight to the police. They turned up at his work and I didn't hear anything/much else from him - nothing threatening anyway, just a stupid comment on my webpage.

bertiewhite

Isolt wrote: »

When we first met he said that he drinks alcohol recreationally (which I found a bit odd given that he’s Muslim, but anyway).

Lots of Muslim's drink, especially if they aren't a good Muslim and they think Allah isn't watching.

badmemory

Incidentally, the only person I have known to say that they drank recreationally was an alcoholic.

lillie421

You need to do something immediately. Contact the police and they will help you get out of this situation. If he says he will 'change' don't listen to him, people like this never change, especially if he has done it in the past. Get help now for your own safety! I wish you the best of luck.

Mrs_pbradley936

Kim_kim wrote: »

And the women who are battered or murdered by their partners - do you find then attacks & deaths hard to believe too?

This was originally posted in DT - the part of the site frequented by debaters. It was moved at a later date. My response was a DT response - if you look you will notice that despite my post count, I seldom offer my views on family or relationship matters in the area where they are usually posted.