How do you move on?

fairy_lights

Do you think maybe by constantly reliving the relationship in your mind and focusing on how she was 'the one'* you're not letting yourself move on?
Of course you can't just stop thinking about someone but you can fill your spare time with other activities to occupy your mind, giving the memories of your relationship less space to occupy.


*How many millions of people over the years have thought they've found 'the one', and will never ever love again, until....they meet the next 'one'?

pearl123

You can waste an awful lot of time thinking about lost loves. Decades even. It's much healthier to mentally move on.
A lot of people do lose their true love, but you can still find wonderful relationships.

Fireflyaway

I'd say its mind over matter. If its over then you have to accept it and get on with your life. You are only getting yourself down by thinking about this person when you could be spending time doing something else. This girl may have been the best to date, but there might be equal or better round the corner. However just looking back and not forward you won't ever know.
I know this sounds really cold but I don't believe love is some mysterious thing. Its more something that grows after getting to know someone. No reason why it won't happen again.
Or.... Do you still think there is a chance you could get back together? If that's the case get in touch and see but be prepared she might feel differently.

getmore4less

Oakdene wrote: »

I know now what I did wrong (in terms of what I didn't do).

you need to understand why you did not do these things you think would have stopped the breakup.

Would you still been happy if you had changed who you are doing things that did not come naturally/automatically.

Primrose

It probably will pass eventually but only when you're finally able to let go. That will either happen if you unexpectedly meet somebody new who catches your attention or you're able to lay the ghost of your ex.
You say you haven,t been in touch for two years. If she,s as wonderful as you say, she,s almost certainly in a new relationship now but perhaps to lay that ghost you need to know finally, once and for all that this is the case and she's also not harbouring regrets.

Would you have the courage to write to her and ask that question? She will probably either not reply or confirm what you fear but perhaps this is the final reality you need to face to be able to convince yourself that it really is over with no hope ever of a reconciliation.

If you,re not going to do this you will have to be strong minded, push all thoughts of her out of your head whenever you find yourself thinking of her and take each day as it comes. You don,t say how old you are but I imagine you still have plenty of time ahead of you to make new friends and start new relationships. Just use the current time to work on your personal relationship development and attitudes to make sure that whatever caused your previous breakup doesn,t happen again with somebody else.

Robisere

Think of something that your ex said or did, that you didn't like. Then think of something else like that. Then think of what you did wrong, try to examine why you did that.

Are there enough reasons there, to believe that you may have found life with her to be, not the perfect future you think you could have had together, but a gradual wearing away of love, until it turns to indifference, then something else.

Life with that Perfect Person usually winds up with both of you finding things about each other which you don't like. Getting around that with compromise, is what most relationships are about. Could you have done that with her, or are you just polishing the dream in your head and heart?

hazyjo

getmore4less wrote: »

you need to understand why you did not do these things you think would have stopped the breakup.

Would you still been happy if you had changed who you are doing things that did not come naturally/automatically.

Yeah, agree with this. It's actually quite frustrating to be asked 'what did I do wrong?' Like they can stop doing that one thing and all will be fine. Who has ever dumped someone cos of something they did wrong - unless they cheated. It's usually a combination of things, or everything they do just starts grating or irritating as you know it's over. If one thing, even three things, annoyed someone, they would tell you, not dump you.

I'm very forgiving if I love someone and can find things endearing rather than annoying. If someone I'd had enough of did the same things, I'd want to throttle them

Cakeguts

It is very simple. She wasn't the one. If she had been you would not be in this position. Time to move on and look for the real one.

Oakdene

Thank you all for your replies.

Lots to digest & the majority of responses suggest that it isn't something that needs acting on & that, eventually, it will go away. Maybe you guys are right, if she really was 'the one' I wouldn't be in this position.

I just hope that I find someone that makes me feel the way she did sometime in the future.

getmore4less

you say broke up 2 years ago but I don't recall the how long together and if you ever lived together as a couple.