How to help my daughter turn her life around

Marvel1

TBagpuss wrote: »

Consider whether you can help her financially at all. If she were living at home, presumably you would be covering at least her food costs, and probably a bit more. Could you arrange to provide her with the money you are not spending on those things, so she has a bit of income on top of her earnings? If you could afford it, you could offer to cover housing costs based on a house share or living as a lodger, perhaps on an initial basis that you'll do that until Christmas and then discuss with her what her plans are after that? Again, it shows her that you are supportive and understanding (so she is more likely to feel able to come back if things don't work out, and doesn't feel that you are against her, but at the same time leaves the door open for her to change her mind.

I don't agree with this, boyfriend helps by taking out payday loans and now the parent is helping. If anything it's the Daughter that needs to sort her out finances and not rely on handouts.

BrassicWoman

tell her you love her no matter what she does or who she is with.

ask what you can do to help.

take it from there.

xx

Cakeguts

I can just offer this because I don't know what was actually said as I wasn't there. However it read to me that your daughter decided to study medicine after she got her GCSE results maybe that is wrong but I do know that some schools give their students totally unrealistic ideas of what they can do after leaving school. GCSE results for medicine would have had to have been all A*s in about 11 subjects and all the subjects would have had to be difficult ones. So no business studies, food technology, health and social, fashion, PE. There would have had to be seperate science subjects. The reason for these GCSEs is because there are many more people wanting to study medicine than there are places on offer so the competition is very high. Then after GCSEs you have to get at least 3 A levels in science subjects at A*. The university entrance information may say that less but that will be a minimum entry requirement not what you need to get a place. For example if the minimum entry level is A*A* A but everyone who applies has got A*A*A*A* then someone with the minimum entry level grades has got a lot of competition from people with better results. For medicine you are more likely to get a place if you also have a hobby that involves a lot of team work that you do outside school. So something like a sport or playing a musical instrument in a group. You also have to do some volunteering in a hospital and that is all at the same time as trying to get these top A levels.

GCSEs are easy compared to A levels. Some people who get very good GCSE results don't then get good A level results. I can see that it is possible that having started A levels at college your daughter realised that there was no way she was going to get top A level results. However from the number of times you mention her education she may have been under the impression that she was letting you down by not passing the A levels so that she could do medicine and the boyfriend may have come along just at the point where her self esteem was a bit low so of course she wanted to be with him. It made her feel good.

You still have to go to university to become a midwife and there is a lot of competition for places for that as well. She may have realised that it is more difficult to get a university place with a BTEC than it is with A levels. She may also have realised that the apprenticeship that the boyfriend was doing was going to lead to a better job that she could get.

It sounds to me as if she has decided not to go to university. She may even be doing an apprenticeship. The work at the care home could be an apprenticeship with time at college to get qualifications in which case she can't just leave that job and the course and return home. What she needs is help to find somewhere to live in a house share. She is actually doing very well because she is doing what she wants to do as a job.

Kaye1

Send her back with a carrier bag full of nice food (she won't be able to afford the nice things soon) and let her learn.

Impress on her that she can always call for a chat and let her get on with it. Make sure she knows you love her.

I moved away at 18 and never went back. Taught myself to cook, shrunk some clothes, over-spent and had to live on pasta for a week, learned how to shop in charity shops and got on with it.