Unwanted gifts from friend

pinkshoes

Thank her for the gifts, but tell her that you are minimalist, so don't like accumulating stuff when some other people have so little, as it makes you feel bad.

Tell her that your real passion is elephants/meercats/tigers, so if she insists on buying you gifts, you would much prefer she sponsored an animal for you instead.

rach_k

Is there something you would appreciate receiving instead of the stuff she does give you? I don't think she sounds like a terrible person so I wouldn't want to dump her, but it sounds like she's not going to stop giving you things so I would try and divert her onto something you do like/can use, or perhaps something that you can regift or donate without her noticing. I would be quite happy with a never-ending supply of chocolates! If it was a very particular type you liked, as long as you always had one box in the house, she wouldn't know if you'd donated the rest. I'm not sure how you would convince her to give you what you want instead of what she wants to give you, but you know her better - is there a way? Perhaps tell her you are going to return what she's given you and use the money for something you do want and hope she buys that next time? Make a massive fuss when she gets it right?

Mojisola

ripplyuk wrote: »

She buys me gifts on my birthday and Christmas and often for no reason, despite me asking her not to.

However I'll be blunt here. I don't like the gifts. One was a huge wall canvas that looked hideous.

She also buys me endless dresses that could only be worn at a nightclub by someone much younger than me, and I'm fed up with all the pictures/teddies/ornaments/bedspreads I never use etc.

I have told her I don't wear dresses but it doesn't make any difference.

I've explained that my house is tiny and I'm trying to avoid more clutter but that hasn't stopped her either.

I can't just get rid of these things because she will ask about them time and time again, even years later, and want to see them, and see where I keep them.

She also likes to insist on where I display things she's given me

Is there any way to explain this to her without hurting her feelings?

ripplyuk wrote: »

The gifts are partly to buy friendship but mainly to make me feel indebted.

She will constantly remind me of things she has bought me.

She gets very excited about these gifts and will text me for weeks beforehand reminding me of how much I'm 'going to love it'.

I can understand that you are giving her a lot of leeway because of her learning difficulties but she's treating you very badly and controlling your life.

She doesn't care about your feelings and ignores everything you say about not wanting the gifts - there is no way that you can take back control of your life without hurting her feelings because she's shown herself to be completely resistant to your reasonable arguments.

You will have to learn to say "Thank you but no" and "If you give it to me, I will be donating it to a charity shop. Wouldn't you rather keep it?"

cloudy-day

TBH I don't really understand threads like this, 'No' has always been a word that I have no problem using.


No I don't want your presents thanks. If you insist then its going straight to the charity shop.
What do you mean where is it? I told you I was giving it to the charity shop.
Rinse and repeat.


Sorry OP but I don't think this woman is a friend, as others have said you need to either grow a backbone or cut her out of your life, tat and all.

pollypenny

When she says 'you're going to love it' just be blunt and say you won't!

Janey3

You have to be very, very firm with your friend each time this happens.

I have a friend, we have been friends for just over 5 years. We would meet up for lunch and coffees and browse in shops.

She would try to pay for my stuff as well as her own, despite me insisting that we each pay our own, sometimes it was a race to the till for me to make sure I paid my share. It happened every time, it was embarrassing and felt like she was buying friendship and I felt like the 'poor relation'

It was difficult, but I had to put a stop to it, I couldn't see our friendship carrying on and it does seem like you are getting to that point now and eventually you will not wish to see her and that would be a shame if you have shared interests.

You tell her no more gifts, that you don't need gifts from her, just don't take them - full stop - and that you will be her friend without all this.

It will be difficult for you, took me several attempts, but it finally got through to her, but don't give in.

Best of luck to you.

Seanymph

You can't have it both ways to justify your inaction.

Either she has issues, and can't control her impulses - in which case you need to be really clear. Or she hasn't, and she's using gifts to manipulate you ,in which case you need to be really clear.

I am struggling with the friendship aspect - my friendships are all equitable, based on shared interests or life experiences, respectful, and we care for each other.

You aren't friends with her - so what is it? What are you doing with this lady?

Fireflyaway

I can see you don't want to upset your friend and that's what is making this tricky.
All I can suggest is being really firm and not accepting the presents. When she gives them to you, refuse to even take them. It might upset her but I don't see any other way if she has ignored your previous requests.