Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

HairyHandofDartmoor

teafor2 wrote: »

Fully understand where you're coming from with the stress HHD. Looking at the list that's a lot to think about. I think all you can do is take one step at a time and like you said a lot of it can be crossed off once you're back home with DS.

The biggest plus is you know what you're getting for DS's birthday. Knowing what to buy is always the bit I struggle with and takes up far too much brain space for my liking Might be why I always ask the DC's if they'd prefer money and breathe a sigh of relief when they say yes :rotfl: xx

Thanks TF2 . It's when all these things come at once that I get stressed :eek:. At least DS1 has given us a list so we know what to order.

HairyHandofDartmoor

milann wrote: »

All the talk of collecting dc from uni reminds me of picking my ds up from his uni - we were en route from a holiday in Cornwall towing the caravan. We thought all his gear would fit in easily in the van and car - :eek::rotfl: - how silly were we??.....they car and caravan were filled to the rafters with our holiday things and his stuff plus ds had grown the most enormous tomato plant on his windowsill.....so I travelled from Leicestershire to near Greater Manchester with said tomato plant on my knee in the back of the car. The back seat and boot were full of his stuff and I could barely move or see out of the window....we did have some lovely home grown tomatoes though :rotfl::rotfl:.....ooooh and the smell of tomato in the car was lovely at first then wore a bit thin......memories - you’ll look back and smile one day Hairy

Thanks Milann . That story about the tomato plant made me chuckle :rotfl:. We'll either look back and smile or look back and cry, one or the other!

HairyHandofDartmoor

Despite being awake since 5am I enjoyed volunteering and my lunchtime job. I was quite glad to go to school today to take my mind off my worries as I don't have time to worry when I'm there. It's been lovely and sunny today.

When I got home we ordered DS1's birthday presents, which hopefully will arrive in time, so that's one thing I can cross off the list :T.

Then we made a start on sorting out paperwork for the accountants. That's a big job so we didn't manage to finish it, but I'm hoping we may be able to finish sorting out the accounts tomorrow afternoon.

I'm hoping I've done enough to be able to sleep tonight, as the main things keeping me awake last night were DS1's birthday presents and the accounts.

Our builder came around this evening too to give us a quote for decorating the kitchen, for insurance purposes.

I hope everyone has had a good Thursday.

daisy_1571

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Thank you Noella, you were very independent . My mum used to do that with her trunk on a train, but then her parents didn't have a car and she was quite poor and had very few possessions.

DS3 would never be able to bring his large computer, large monitor, thirty or so books, all his saucepans and kitchenware, laundry basket, bedding, towels, etc, home on his own, so sadly we have very little choice . Most parents nowadays seem to collect their student children when they are moving out of acccomodation for this reason.

Your assumption that DS3 is hygenic is sadly not entirely accurate :eek: :rotfl:. Male students of his age don't seem to mind living like animals :eek:. We're going to give his room and his ensuite bathroom a quick clean, but I personally am not going to touch the communal areas :eek:.

It all a bit of a palaver but we have to do these things for our children.

Can I just say (as an outsider and not trying to give offense at all) but....... "we have to do these things for our children" you really really dont!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

It's a total choice in this situation.

1 he might be YOUR child but he is not A child any more, he is an adult.
2 you clean your house, he must have seen you and dh clean countless times, presumably you gave also taught him how to clean thing over the years.
3 this is his mess. He contributed to it. He lived with the other people who contributed to it. It's up to all of them to decide how they want to live. The adult part of this is to take the consequence of how to deal with the end of the tenancy. If they haven't got round to organising doing it themselves then they either pay for a firm to do it or they lose their deposit so someone else can pay a firm to do it.
4 you are already out of pocket and energy by driving there and back plus hotel. Make sure he understands these things don't appear magically but have a cost.
5 by all means help organise and explain what he needs to do but dont assume hes incapable. By doing too much for others we are in danger of making people think they are incapable.


That's life as an adult. You going in and spending hours cleaning wont teach him anything other than reinforcing its somehow not his responsibilty. It's certainly not your responsibility. You've said it yourself - you are a lady in your fifties, you deal with your own house, you volunteer, you work, you've had a huge emotional upset this year, you've spent years literally waiting on £25 being paid to you so you could eat. That takes its toll. You will have the stress of packing for you to be away 2 days. You will have the stress of driving there and back. For goodness sake dont jeapordise your health for the next few weeks by cleaning physically whilst the young physically strong man who contributed to the mess stands around waiting on you finishing.

I think your son should be incredibly grateful you are going to pick him up at all. He should be thinking over the next few months how he can get himself back and forward next year which may involve him getting a smaller computer, yes its pleasant to have his big heavy monitor and screen but if he cant carry it he has to find another solution. Same with the books. Is he ever going to open them again? Ones hes finished with should be disposed of there rather than brought back etc etc (to end up cluttering his room or the void :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:). Maybe its cheaper to find storage for stuff than carry it back and forward. I dont know, I've never been to uni but its his problem to consider for the next few months. Thats surely part of what hes meant to ge learning. It's certainly something he should have considered when deciding to go to a uni so far from home.

I dont want to sound flippant but after watching all the d-day stuff these last few days I think if that was happening now instead of 140thousand young men going over they would have to make space for 140thousand men, at least another 100thousand parents ti look after them, plus their phones, iPads, chargers, computers etc etc etc :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: jeez, I know I sound old but the young ones today are sooooo mollycoddled and all the parents seem to do it cos they feel they must but its just an endless circle.

Sorry that's really turned into a rant. I'm just thinking of you and other mothers around the country doing the same thing. Last year a friend of mine exhausted herself cleaning a three bedroom flat for her laddie and his flat mates.

It's really really not your responsibly hh. By all means lend advice and expertise but dont do it for him.

Daisy xxxxxxx

Onebrokelady

I feel your pain Hairy and I was so glad that when DD2 decided to go to uni for the second time she picked Plymouth so she can commute and live at home
She went to Portsmouth the first time and I can't drive so I was worried about how we would get her there, luckily DD1 passed her test in time so was confident enough to drive her there with all her stuff,I remember when we picked her up to bring her home for the last time she had amassed a collection of very spiky cactus's and I said if we have to stop suddenly it's going to be very painful :rotfl:

Onebrokelady

daisy_1571 wrote: »

Can I just say (as an outsider and not trying to give offense at all) but....... "we have to do these things for our children" you really really dont!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

It's a total choice in this situation.

1 he might be YOUR child but he is not A child any more, he is an adult.
2 you clean your house, he must have seen you and dh clean countless times, presumably you gave also taught him how to clean thing over the years.
3 this is his mess. He contributed to it. He lived with the other people who contributed to it. It's up to all of them to decide how they want to live. The adult part of this is to take the consequence of how to deal with the end of the tenancy. If they haven't got round to organising doing it themselves then they either pay for a firm to do it or they lose their deposit so someone else can pay a firm to do it.
4 you are already out of pocket and energy by driving there and back plus hotel. Make sure he understands these things don't appear magically but have a cost.
5 by all means help organise and explain what he needs to do but dont assume hes incapable. By doing too much for others we are in danger of making people think they are incapable.


That's life as an adult. You going in and spending hours cleaning wont teach him anything other than reinforcing its somehow not his responsibilty. It's certainly not your responsibility. You've said it yourself - you are a lady in your fifties, you deal with your own house, you volunteer, you work, you've had a huge emotional upset this year, you've spent years literally waiting on £25 being paid to you so you could eat. That takes its toll. You will have the stress of packing for you to be away 2 days. You will have the stress of driving there and back. For goodness sake dont jeapordise your health for the next few weeks by cleaning physically whilst the young physically strong man who contributed to the mess stands around waiting on you finishing.

I think your son should be incredibly grateful you are going to pick him up at all. He should be thinking over the next few months how he can get himself back and forward next year which may involve him getting a smaller computer, yes its pleasant to have his big heavy monitor and screen but if he cant carry it he has to find another solution. Same with the books. Is he ever going to open them again? Ones hes finished with should be disposed of there rather than brought back etc etc (to end up cluttering his room or the void :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:). Maybe its cheaper to find storage for stuff than carry it back and forward. I dont know, I've never been to uni but its his problem to consider for the next few months. Thats surely part of what hes meant to ge learning. It's certainly something he should have considered when deciding to go to a uni so far from home.

I dont want to sound flippant but after watching all the d-day stuff these last few days I think if that was happening now instead of 140thousand young men going over they would have to make space for 140thousand men, at least another 100thousand parents ti look after them, plus their phones, iPads, chargers, computers etc etc etc :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: jeez, I know I sound old but the young ones today are sooooo mollycoddled and all the parents seem to do it cos they feel they must but its just an endless circle.

Sorry that's really turned into a rant. I'm just thinking of you and other mothers around the country doing the same thing. Last year a friend of mine exhausted herself cleaning a three bedroom flat for her laddie and his flat mates.

It's really really not your responsibly hh. By all means lend advice and expertise but dont do it for him.

Daisy xxxxxxx

Wow, this is a bit harsh

beanielou

daisy_1571 wrote: »

Can I just say (as an outsider and not trying to give offense at all) but....... "we have to do these things for our children" you really really dont!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

It's a total choice in this situation.

1 he might be YOUR child but he is not A child any more, he is an adult.
2 you clean your house, he must have seen you and dh clean countless times, presumably you gave also taught him how to clean thing over the years.
3 this is his mess. He contributed to it. He lived with the other people who contributed to it. It's up to all of them to decide how they want to live. The adult part of this is to take the consequence of how to deal with the end of the tenancy. If they haven't got round to organising doing it themselves then they either pay for a firm to do it or they lose their deposit so someone else can pay a firm to do it.
4 you are already out of pocket and energy by driving there and back plus hotel. Make sure he understands these things don't appear magically but have a cost.
5 by all means help organise and explain what he needs to do but dont assume hes incapable. By doing too much for others we are in danger of making people think they are incapable.


That's life as an adult. You going in and spending hours cleaning wont teach him anything other than reinforcing its somehow not his responsibilty. It's certainly not your responsibility. You've said it yourself - you are a lady in your fifties, you deal with your own house, you volunteer, you work, you've had a huge emotional upset this year, you've spent years literally waiting on £25 being paid to you so you could eat. That takes its toll. You will have the stress of packing for you to be away 2 days. You will have the stress of driving there and back. For goodness sake dont jeapordise your health for the next few weeks by cleaning physically whilst the young physically strong man who contributed to the mess stands around waiting on you finishing.

I think your son should be incredibly grateful you are going to pick him up at all. He should be thinking over the next few months how he can get himself back and forward next year which may involve him getting a smaller computer, yes its pleasant to have his big heavy monitor and screen but if he cant carry it he has to find another solution. Same with the books. Is he ever going to open them again? Ones hes finished with should be disposed of there rather than brought back etc etc (to end up cluttering his room or the void :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:). Maybe its cheaper to find storage for stuff than carry it back and forward. I dont know, I've never been to uni but its his problem to consider for the next few months. Thats surely part of what hes meant to ge learning. It's certainly something he should have considered when deciding to go to a uni so far from home.

I dont want to sound flippant but after watching all the d-day stuff these last few days I think if that was happening now instead of 140thousand young men going over they would have to make space for 140thousand men, at least another 100thousand parents ti look after them, plus their phones, iPads, chargers, computers etc etc etc :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: jeez, I know I sound old but the young ones today are sooooo mollycoddled and all the parents seem to do it cos they feel they must but its just an endless circle.

Sorry that's really turned into a rant. I'm just thinking of you and other mothers around the country doing the same thing. Last year a friend of mine exhausted herself cleaning a three bedroom flat for her laddie and his flat mates.

It's really really not your responsibly hh. By all means lend advice and expertise but dont do it for him.

Daisy xxxxxxx

Just interested to know if you have your own children?

teafor2

Morning HHD Hope work is easy for you today and you manage to reserve a bit of energy for the weekend

Daisy is right, we do mollycoddle our children don't we, but I'm happy to stand up and be counted for doing that - to a certain extent. I'm sure every parent has a line that they're not willing to cross though and at the moment mine and yours seem to be the same - communal living areas and kitchens :eek: :rotfl:

I'm always intrigued about your sons computer because everything is so portable these days. Is it some sort of gaming/programming one for his course? DS keeps showing me computers for that sort of thing and they look huge. I've said when he's working he's more than welcome to buy his own, in the meantime he can just research which are best :rotfl:

Have a lovely day and I hope you're not feeling as stressed about things. xx

arsenalbarnie

My parents never did anything much for me when I was younger, so I like to help mine out. They are doting grandparents now, they seem to have mellowed in their old age. Life changes. I would love to have been ‘mollycoddled’, personally.

A great start on the list Hairy. I love a list, and you’re right, getting it down on paper will help with the stress. Students do live like pigs, not all of them though. I have found with my tenants, the boys are generally better. I think as long as everyone has taken their equipment and food out of the kitchen he may be ok. I think they get a bit *rsey if the bins haven’t been emptied. I can see their point on that one. Hope your weekend goes well. With our properties we are specific on what needs to be cleaned, same as uni standards, but if it looks as though they have made an effort, then fine, no charge. I always have cleaners in after anyway. You have to if you are registered with the uni. The uni will probably do the same. My OH nearly always ends up having to go to the tip with the rubbish. Rotten food is no joke.

MadamMim2013

I can see both sides, I was terrible at ‘stepping in to save/help’ etc.. I have learnt from it and for some things have pulled back and let my DS1&2 know that they have a responsibility to help themselves, I am not a house-elf or slave, I do not live to clean up after them.
I can quite see Daisy’s perspective, we have as a generation almost stopped allowing our young to take responsibly and/or for some accept consequences.. It does show as some come across entitled, rude, demanding and whiny (I say SOME, not all) My DS2 can be all of the above even with me trying to teach him that it’s not a right to have some things, it’s a privilege.
That said, I’m sure HH discusses this with DS3 and he understands that its his responsibility to clean up after himself (not all his flat mates too I might add) and is grateful they are providing transport to and from Uni. We only get a snapshot through HH’s diary and we all look at it with our own perspective depending on our lives and views of the world.
Sending hugs, spoons or a simply a smile to anyone who is in need on this rainy day!